My friend’s kids make me not want my own

[Undecided123456]

I may get called a witch for this, and judged as not being cut out for motherhood - can you give me some perspective?

I have a varied group of friends with kids of different ages (babies to early teens). I am thinking about starting a family but I am having serious doubts

More recently I have been spending time with friends with younger kids and as more meet ups are suggested I find I am not looking forward to them. The kids don’t listen, they are demanding and bossy, whiny and unreasonable. The parents shout a lot and/or continually appeasing demands. I know parenting is tough, so is this just how it is? Juggling small rude dictators? Or am I only seeing a particular way of life?

Recent meet ups leave me cold, there seems little joy in it all, just trudging through with ‘it will be better when they’re at nursery/school/out of nappies/sleeping/grown out of xyz’

Am I just a non maternal person, better off out of it?

[WishingHopingThinkingPraying]

Yep, this is how it is. Juggling small rude dictators. Who often injure you too just because.

The difference is you love them more than life itself.

[MrBloomsLeftVeg]

Ha. You have it bang on!

[SeasonFinale]

My 3 are fine but other people's nah! Joking aside some friends' kids are nice too and others less so.

Honestly don't over think it. You are in (sort of ) control of how you raise your children. We have always set boundaries and bad consequences for misbehaviour and they seem ok.

[Throughabushbackwards]

I completely agree OP. I mostly can't stand other people's children. I quite like my own, through, which is how it's meant to be!

[LolaSmiles]

I know parenting is tough, so is this just how it is? Juggling small rude dictators?
That's definitely what it's like.
Or am I only seeing a particular way of life?
You might be seeing a particular way of responding though, especially if some children are always whiny and rude.

Across my friends we would probably all say children are tiny dictators, all our kids have their quirks annoying behaviours we hope they will grow out of, and there's a range of parenting styles too. I wouldn't say any of my friends' children are always rude, whiny, unreasonable and awful to be around.

[Camomila]

DC are also extra annoying atm (I include my own) because of the pandemic - closed nursery/school, extra screentime, parents trying to wfh with DC in the house, usual activities closed etc...

I'd give it a year or two, they may seem more pleasant in 'normal times'. Or you may still not want any, that's ok as well

[Earlybirdcatches]

Yep, you’ve hit the nail on the head.

You’ll love them so much though that you’ll put up with it all.

[ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing]

Well, children aren’t adults therefore they tend to behave like children! Possibly your friends’ parenting isn’t great but if every single family you know is like this then maybe you just have unrealistic expectations. You definitely do feel differently about your own kids, though.

[VestaTilley]

They are small rude dictators who will hit you in the face and pull your hair, tell you “no”, push you off the sofa and chase DCat. (I do stop this happening BTW...)

The whingy-ness does depend on the child, some really are more hard work than others. Often no rhyme or reason for this (unless SEN) but routine, plenty of food and naps and good bedtime does help children a lot, I find.

In seriousness though, it is very hard without enough sleep and family support. There is a lot of endless drudgery, which overwhelmingly falls on the Mum. Pregnancy is hard, childbirth is awful. The first six months made me want to die. Only do it if you know you definitely want children- and that’s a child until adulthood, not just a baby.

But. I have never loved anything or anyone like I love DS... it’s a genuinely hard choice to make one way or the other.

[Undecided123456]

@SeasonFinale - my husband says this and I think we are reasonable people so it should be ok

@WishingHopingThinkingPraying - my biggest fear is that maybe I won’t love them

[Woolysock]

Don’t worry your own kids will be the best thing since sliced bread! My dc are teens now and I find being around some friends younger dc hard, a lot of lip biting and faking it to get through seeing them 😬 as @SeasonFinale I’m like you lots of boundaries and consequences, seems to have served us well!

[Ladyofmainlyleisure]

You don’t have to want kids.

Yes, they moan, whine, are ungrateful, expensive and disrupt fun adult things.

You love them but don’t always like them.

Get a dog instead is my advise. Childfree and love it!

[Somethingsnappy]

Juggling small, rude dictators . Absolutely! They are also loving, hilarious and the most delightful thing that has ever happened to me.

[OhCaptain]

Oh yeah. Kids are complete arseholes.

But if you’re a decent person (and you are) you’ll love your own so unconditionally that it’s just...ok?

But you may never stop thinking other people’s kids are arseholes. That’s fine. Because they are.

[dreamingbohemian]

No that's not just how it is, I disagree with previous posts.

Not all kids are like that and not all parents are like that. And you do love your own kids so much that it's much less annoying when they act up.

I felt like you before DC but luckily it's all turned out really well. I did just have one though! It's much less stressful :)

[Twisty333]

I really can't stand most other people's children but I adore my own little tribe of small ride dictators!!! When you have your own it will click and your heart will just melt for them - trust me! Despite all the chaos they cause you!

[BlusteryLake]

I have children and so do nearly all my friends. We still prefer to meet without the children as their presence almost always prevents adult conversation!

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Some kids are worse than others- not necessarily the result of parenting, more dna and luck. You don’t have to look at peoples kids and feel a yearning but if you feel appalled but them then yes probably better off staying child free

[BrumBoo]

I was very much of the same thinking, especially watching my own parents let the younger ones behave like utter monsters. I felt terrified when pregnant with my now eldest, as kids absolutely were 'not my thing'. Some days he is a little terror, making you just count down the time to better days. There is not single day I've regretted having him or his brother though, it's such a cliché but it's absolutely different when they're your own. I've never had such love, or fun to balance out the harder days. However, it's just my personal experience and I still find other people's kids super annoying .

[Freezeboy]

Depends on their parenting techniques. Some people I can’t stand to be around as I parent differently and it winds me up they can control their kids or pander to them. I love my kids but I’m very firm yet fair.

Guess it depends, is it all children or just some? Maybe think is it the way they parent and some are fine or all children?

[dreamingbohemian]

They are small rude dictators who will hit you in the face and pull your hair

See that has not been my experience at all. I understand it's common but I wouldn't want the OP to think this is her destiny for sure, who would sign up for that?

[JemimaTiggywinkle]

I’m not a big fan of other people’s kids. I think it’s different with your own though... I certainly hope so anyway, I’m 8 months pregnant

[Ileflottante]

Other people’s kids are THE WORST.

[Dontforgetyourbrolly]

I was totally duped by my niece . Slept through the night , a beautifully behaved , quiet child even as a toddler . Extremely advanced with potty training and every thing else
Then I had my own , and realized she is actually a freak of nature.

[idontlikealdi]

Sounds about right. You have more tolerance for them when they're your own though