I would have a different child?

(153 Posts)
AugustMummyxo Sat 27-Feb-21 16:45:23

Saturday afternoon boredom sending me a little crazy....

Just thinking if you and OH had sex an hour/minutes/even seconds later and conceived would the baby be a completely different one to the one you got hmm

We have a DS but if OH had stayed in the shower just a minute longer that fateful day I could potentially have DD a completely different child if the winning sperm was released at a different time.

Crackers I know, is this a thing?

OP’s posts: |
Bouledeneige Mon 01-Mar-21 23:59:38

I wouldn't have my beautiful, creative and dreamy DD20 if my first baby - a boy - hadn't died in the womb at 17 weeks.

Of course I was beyond gutted that my first pregnancy went awry. We found he was dead at my first, rather delayed, scan at 17 weeks when they couldn't find a heartbeat. I had to give birth to him. The baby had Pataus syndrome and had no viable expectation of life so nature took its course.

I had 4 pregnancies to get two healthy births. My cup runneth over - I had a daughter and then a son and I know I am blessed. But it's small accidents of fate/nature what you will that they are here and the people they are. A moment of alchemy.

Sunisinthesky Sun 28-Feb-21 18:29:15

My eldest DC realised this one day. His ten year old mind was blown by how random his existence was. Then he upset himself deciding that we would have loved any child and said it felt less meaningful.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sun 28-Feb-21 17:58:20

I'm another parent who wouldn't have my second child if I hadn't had a miscarriage. I'm never planning on telling him though. If you were the child would you prefer not to know ?

I had an early M/C (about 6 weeks or so) when I was TTC DC2.
Just before this I'd had a positive test then a heavy period the next day
I wallowed a while then thought Give yourself a break, , get yourself in order ,lose some weight (I did) and don't think about babies for 3 months .

I've discussed it with my DD (she's 18) in one of those conversations you have with an adult DC about Life, The Universe and Everything when the subject turned to it .
Mainly to let her know that it does happen, maybe more than people realise . And in my Mum's day it would happen but they never went to the Dr till they missed three periods so a lot of early M/C were not recognised .

And she survived me having a car accident when I was 5 months pg with her .....she was definately meant to be here !

Sceptre86 Sun 28-Feb-21 07:40:44

I sometimes wonder about this. If we had tried for a baby straight after we got married we wouldn't have dd. Also if we had not fallen pregnant after dd so quickly or I had a termination I wouldn't have ds. I sometimes wish dh had found me sooner but he believes everything happens for a reason, at the time it is meant to and that our past experiences led us to each other because we were always meant to be.

Lostinspace23 Sun 28-Feb-21 07:12:35

Interesting musings. I’ve had four miscarriages. I often think about those babies and who they might have been, especially our son that we lost later in pregnancy. I could have a 7 year old, a 4 year old and a newborn right now, as well as 2 year old dd.

My dd is a total firecracker - I truly believe that her spirit and determination got her to being born. She was meant to be our one.

Minesril Sun 28-Feb-21 07:06:09

I'm another parent who wouldn't have my second child if I hadn't had a miscarriage. I'm never planning on telling him though. If you were the child would you prefer not to know?

TwiceAsNice22 Sun 28-Feb-21 07:02:17

I have identical twins and I often wonder which one I would have had if the egg hadn’t split, or would I have had a child that was a combination of them both. And since it’s still not know why identical twins happen, I wonder why I got so lucky 😊

sashh Sun 28-Feb-21 05:30:33

What makes me fascinated is the 'traits' people have even before birth.

My brother is quite lazy and often late for things, he was 4 weeks over due and my mum had a 3 day labour.

I'm stubborn, not always to my advantage. When my mum was pregnant I was in breech position, her GP did, I don't know the word but moved me into the correct position, these days it would be done in hospital and with ultrasound.

I flipped back, my mum went back to the GP and had the procedure and then had to lie flat for 30 mins.

In total this was done three times. I flipped back into the breech position and stayed there until the day my mum went into labour when I flipped into the correct position and engaged my head.

I'm also fascinated by mitochondrial DNA as it is inherited from the female side and doesn't change.

Just a thought about the, "if we did the dirty on a different day" as a woman you are born with all your ova. So they were created in your mother's uterus. So if your parents did the dirty on a different day your ova could be different.

Also if you are not descended from immigrants (and sometimes even then) you are the queen's cousin 15 times removed.

SusannaMorvern Sun 28-Feb-21 05:20:21

I once mentioned to a relative that I wished we had started trying for children earlier, as it took us 3yrs to conceive. She pointed out that we would then have a different child. I often still think about this and I'm so glad we have the child we have.

sarahc336 Sun 28-Feb-21 05:03:06

Since having dd2 ive often found myself thinking " I wonder if dd2 and her sister came from the same testicle or one cane from one and the other from the other" I'm aware I'm mad thinking this but it just popped into my head one day and I guess we'll never know 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

theThreeofWeevils Sun 28-Feb-21 04:31:06

Shows how special our children are
Quite the reverse. Shows that life transmits itself, sometimes against considerable odds. It doesn't mean any individual is In any way special.

SleepingStandingUp Sun 28-Feb-21 01:24:47


I haven't RTFT but seriously...? hmm

What? You're going to need to use more words

JanuaryJonez Sun 28-Feb-21 00:50:01

This is probably outing but my DCs were both born on New Year's Day, exactly three years apart, after an ectopic plus a failed pregnancy. I really feel it was meant to be.

DenisetheMenace Sun 28-Feb-21 00:48:19

We got it just right, twice.

Interesting question though.

ColumboOnTheCase Sun 28-Feb-21 00:45:16

Yes I think about this sometimes I had always wanted 2 children but I miscarried the 2nd time around. I then went on to have identical twins. So became mum of three, I feel the sadness of that loss always, but most likely I would not have these two wonderful people in my life if it hadn’t happened.

JanuaryJonez Sun 28-Feb-21 00:41:14

I haven't RTFT but seriously...? hmm

SleepingStandingUp Sun 28-Feb-21 00:33:47

I work in a primary school so have came across a few sets of identical twins, same DNA, same upbringing but can be soooo different. Different interests, behaviours, sets of friends.
The very weirdest thing about having identical twins is how different they are from birth. I'd there was a baby crying it would be T1. T2 makes more noise in his sleep. They teethed weeks apart. T1 is more affectionate but T2 will feed you his food. They're the same size, same weight, look v alike (slight shape difference to face - one is prettier, one is cuter). T1 who is a worse sleeper is a fussier eater. That's not big genetics because they have the same, it's not nurture because it's inherent, it's small genetics

AugustMummyxo Sun 28-Feb-21 00:31:25


I never think about this...! It is interesting though but I wouldn't be dwelling on it....

I don't think anybody is 'dwelling' on it. It's been an interesting thread to see over 100 other posters have had the same thought. Still, nobody's dwelling.

OP’s posts: |
SleepingStandingUp Sun 28-Feb-21 00:30:08

And then on the random chance of Ellie Egg letting Sammy Sperm in not Simon Sperm so alas no ginger curls inherited from Granny, there's also an the times no one got jiggy with the egg or it just didn't fizz long enough to make a baby. How many months of trying to get pregnant and an those potential babies. What if Shaun Sperm has the cure for cancer in his future brain but his tails a bit wonky and he wins in circles

AugustMummyxo Sun 28-Feb-21 00:28:51

@wintertime6 totally get this, would they have the same soul to make the same choices and have their particular personality kind of thing?

I work in a primary school so have came across a few sets of identical twins, same DNA, same upbringing but can be soooo different. Different interests, behaviours, sets of friends.

So yes maybe they would be a different child physically but have the same soul that makes us who we are. I like looking at it like that.

OP’s posts: |
Backtoschool101 Sun 28-Feb-21 00:16:39

I conceived my dd the month after i miscarried and think about it sometimes, i wander what that child would have been like. Only for a few minutes though otherwise you can overthink it!

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS Sun 28-Feb-21 00:11:20

There's a bit in one of Robert Heinlein's books where he explains how two characters are twins, same mother, same father, but are also no genetic relations to each other at all!
He lays out the science of it all, (diploid and haploid stuff) and it is true but mindblowing!
( It's in "Time Enough for Love" if anyone cares) grin

MandalaYogaTapestry Sat 27-Feb-21 23:40:32

All these musings are making me want to have another, one in a million special baby 😭😭

Artesia Sat 27-Feb-21 23:31:46

I conceived DCs 1&3 naturally but had iui to conceive dc2 after unexplained infertility. Often think all that spinning around of the sperm before insertion is what made him such a whirlwind!

SionnachGlic Sat 27-Feb-21 23:28:15

I never think about this...! It is interesting though but I wouldn't be dwelling on it....

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