My nan died last night, I'm broken hearted, I was very close to her, but she was old, it's the natural order of life.
I'm feeling upset and emotional right now, but I'd say that a significant portion of that upset, is how DH has treated me the last two days.
She was admitted Monday night, on Tuesday morning I delivered some food up to my DDad as he'd been with her all night, I weren't allowed to visit so I went home.
Later in the afternoon her condition deteriorated and they relaxed visiting as were moving to end of life care so I dropped everything and went up there, so far DH supportive of this.
Wednesday she's still hanging on, so I go up there and spend 4 hours with her, I'm home before dinner, which I prepare for kids and DH.
The next day (yesterday) shes still hanging on, I see this as my last chance to see her, told DH I was going to go up there in the afternoon. This is where the AIBU comes in.
DH states he needed to get his tyres replaced and wanted to go out for a run, to "get out of this fucking house" (he's been homeschooling DD1 while I take care of DD2). He basically, starts being funny with me, getting grumpy and moody, which makes me feel guilty for leaving DDs with him to go to my Nan's bedside. I said to him I'd wait until he had a run to go up there but this wasn't good enough as he had to eat first and wait two hours for the food to digest before going, so then I wouldn't be going until late and therefore not back until late. He said just to go.
So I went after I'd got DD2 down for a nap, I was with her just over 2 hours, then went home, in that 2 hours I'd text DH to ask if DD2 had woke from nap/was she okay etc, and I get short sharp responses from him. No care about what was happening.
I told him over text I'm unlikely to be coming up Friday (as she was last few hours of life) and to book in tyres, he said no slots so can't do it.
So I come back from hospital, ate dinner and shortly after got a call from DDad to say she had passed away, obviously I was upset. He obviously didn't know what to do/say. This isn't the issue, I was in an envelope of grief that he couldn't understand.
Went to bed and this morning I said I was going to my DDads this morning for a couple hours (he's my support bubble as he's on his own) , and that I would bring DD2 with me.
He starts being funny about not bringing DD2 , but by not bringing/caring for DD2 he can't do homeschool for DD1 , I said I don't care about fucking homeschool today don't effing do it. He was being funny so I said what is it you need to do so desperately today, he says that he just wants to go out for a run, I said I'll be back by midday you can do whatever you want in the afternoon. He got angry, and was a complete dick, so I just said give me a clear timeline of what YOU want to do today and I'll work around it, I went in the other room and was upset.he did come and apologise and said he was out of order. I left to go to my Dads with dd2.
Got home for dd2 nap and once DD2 woke I took the kids out for a walk and park for 2 hours and he basically slept all afternoon and now he's barely talking to me.
I don't know about you, but what kind of DH would act so coldly towards their DW who has just suffered a family loss ?
WIBU in going up there 3 times to see her/my DDad? I don't think I was, but "leaving" the DDs with him, has obviously caused a chemical imbalance in his head and he's become cabin fevered, and now being a prick?
AIBU?
AIBU to have left my kids with DH to see dying nan
Smidwifes · 26/02/2021 19:13
Am I being unreasonable?
1016 votes. Final results.
POLLI can't understand your husband's actions at all. I can't believe he had the audacity to get angry at you for visiting your nan when he wanted to go running of all things.
I'm very sorry you have lost your nan 
I'm so very sorry to hear about your Nan My Nan died last year and like you, I was very close to her and it was horrendous.
Your husband is being a complete dick and in all honesty, I'm not sure I'd want to remain with someone who couldn't support me through something so traumatic.
When my Nan was dying, I went to the hospital every day after work. When she came back to her home for her last 4 days, I spent pretty much the whole time there. The one night I stayed home, I ended up going to help her partner with her at 2.30am. My husband took charge of our son and everything else without ever complaining. That's what supportive partners do.
Can you and the children go and stay with your dad for a few days?
Can your DH not cook a meal in a state of emergency?
I’m assuming he isn’t usually helpful 
My dh thought his gran was going to die alone in hospital during the first lockdown. Fortunately she made it home and they got to see her but he was still extremely upset. Your h sounds like a selfish dick and since he can’t manage to facilitate you visiting your dying dgm for 4 days I would sincerely tell him to fuck off out of your life.
I hope you are doing ok op.
He sounds like a knob.
Is he normally like this or is it lockdown madness/having to do more family work than normal?
Anyway I would ignore him while he sulks, but use the opportunity to think about whether he should be doing more, and in which case lay it out for him next week.
Be firm!
I am very sorry about your granny
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