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ToNot be forced to be vegetarian?

(203 Posts)
Puddingypops Fri 26-Feb-21 09:36:36

It’s a problem, it really is.

I love my DP, we have been together 5 years. He has recently taken on a climate change project at work and has decided he (we) should be vegetarian for the sake of climate change.

I agree that it could help, but for the record, I dont drive, (we have no car), I recycle everything, I don’t waste food, I haven’t been on a plane in more than 10 years and won’t (I’m not a well person). My carbon footprint is low compared to many.

I agreed to take small changes and substitute beef mince for soya mince (because beef I believe is the worst for carbon emissions) but my son is intolerant of it and had a very gassy and smelly reaction (so bad his trumping even scared the dog!!!).

So I’m thinking to try turkey or pork mince instead, but after a week that’s all not good enough for DP and he wants full vegetarian for all of us, he is refusing to eat meat and keep going in about it and it’s making me angry.

I don’t drink, I don’t go out much (again because I am not well) so good is a great pleasure to me (not in an unhealthy way I’m a size 8). I keep saying to him he can be a vegetarian, but I’m getting sick of hearing about it, first thing he said this morning was “so is exDH becoming vegetarian too?” (My ex DH who we are all good friends with).

Aggghhhh I don’t want to be a vegetarian!!! I feel like I give an inch in making small changes but now that’s not good enough and I hate being told what to do especially when I have few pleasures left in life due to being so poorly for the last 8 years!what should I do?

OP’s posts: |
MuddleMoo Fri 26-Feb-21 09:38:07

Let him cook his own dinner and you cook yours on the nights you want meat?

TheRaccoon Fri 26-Feb-21 09:38:48

What you eat is entirely up to you, you shouldn’t feel pressured into it or made to feel like a bad person because you choose to eat meat (and this is coming from a vegan!)

If he wants to cut it out then great, best luck to him. But it’s not up to him to change your diet.

Radio4Rocks Fri 26-Feb-21 09:38:57

Tell him it isn't happening, not now, not ever and if he doesn't like it to piss off.

Then refuse to discuss it again, tell him the subject is closed.

MuddleMoo Fri 26-Feb-21 09:38:59

Also very weird of him to care what your exDH eats

Palavah Fri 26-Feb-21 09:39:56

You can't force him to eat meat any more than he can force you not to.

Love51 Fri 26-Feb-21 09:40:17

Ah the new convert zealot!
Don't do anything. Just carry on as you wish. If you are cooking a veggie meal, offer him some, otherwise he caters for himself.

PurpleDaisies Fri 26-Feb-21 09:41:43

It’s your decision, not his.

If you want to persevere, there are better ways to do it than just swapping meat for fake meat substitutes but that’s only if you actually want to. Eating more meat free meals is generally a good thing for everyone. The way he’s imposed it on the family is really off though.

Ask him why he’s only gone veggie not vegan. Actually, maybe it’s better not to put that idea in his head.

Puddingypops Fri 26-Feb-21 09:44:11

@MuddleMoo exDH is a big friend, he goes out drinking with him (when it’s allowed) on their own and exDH is always here when it’s any occasion at all, we are an unconventional family really hahaha it’s great for my son, so it’s more like DP asked about my brother if you will, as that’s how I view my exDH. (Although having my brother be the father of my son would be more than unconventional hahaha but you know what I mean)

OP’s posts: |
Puddingypops Fri 26-Feb-21 09:45:18

Yes you’re right guys I know I should say he can cook his own meals, but it’s so awkward, he is totally free to chose to be veggie, and I’ll find a way around it and get used to making veggie alternatives that’s not the problem, it’s the constantly going on about it and trying to impose it on me ugh.

OP’s posts: |
MyLittleOrangutan Fri 26-Feb-21 09:45:20

He can be vegetarian but you dont have to be. In the cook and a vegetarian so DH doesn't eat alot of meat. Try different minces though, they're not all equal. Quorn is the worst. Tesco and Asda do nice ones. Or use lentils instead, you'd be surprised how little flavour meat actually has in most meals.

Puddingypops Fri 26-Feb-21 09:47:30

@PurpleDaisies yeah I darent talk about being vegan! Hahaha

I actually feel at the moment like I’m with someone who has converted to a new religion and is trying to show me the light.

I do love him, and I don’t want to feel resentful but I feel very much like he’s on the moral high ground and I’m a bad person for not joining in

OP’s posts: |
PurpleDaisies Fri 26-Feb-21 09:47:30

Who was cooking before? Was there an even ish split?

DenisetheMenace Fri 26-Feb-21 09:47:34

Puddingypops

“ it’s the constantly going on about it and trying to impose it on me ugh.“

Just tell him to stop, you don’t want to, end of.

FrancesHaHa Fri 26-Feb-21 09:48:35

He's not being reasonable here. DP doesn't eat meat and I do. Some nights we don't eat meat (which I would do anyway), some nights we have slightly different meals eg I have meat sausages he has veggie sausages, sometimes we eat different things. DD eats meat and if we decided she should stop this would be a joint decision. If he told me I had to stop eating meat frankly I'd tell him where to go. You don't need to justify your meat eating.

Puddingypops Fri 26-Feb-21 09:48:36

@PurpleDaisies it’s a pretty even split on the cooking, we are both big foodies, or we were 😥

OP’s posts: |
PurpleDaisies Fri 26-Feb-21 09:48:39

Cross posted. Just tell him you’re not interested but you’d like to try some of the new meals he’s going to cook for everyone.

lastqueenofscotland Fri 26-Feb-21 09:49:05

I’m vegan but honestly think he is being a prat. He can cut down on meat consumption but forcing you to is unfair.

Mintjulia Fri 26-Feb-21 09:49:52

Point out it is a personal decision, like a religion, and that just because he has suddenly 'converted', he cannot expect everyone else to share his choice.

Then go on quietly making varied food for yourself and your ds.

PurpleDaisies Fri 26-Feb-21 09:50:43

Puddingypops

*@PurpleDaisies* it’s a pretty even split on the cooking, we are both big foodies, or we were 😥

You can absolutely be a vegetarian foodie. Loads of ottolenghi recipes are veggie or vegan.

An easy solution would be he cooks veggie on his days. You cook meat on your days but things that can easily be split meat/veggie (there are loads of threads on here about cooking in a mixed veggie/non veggie household). He agrees to stop banging on about it.

Thehop Fri 26-Feb-21 09:52:58

I’ve been a vegetarian since I was a toddler. I just hate meat......but I’d never push my preference on my husband or kids. He’s being a tosser. Get him told.

Mischance Fri 26-Feb-21 09:54:12

Just cook as you always have and miss out the meat in his portion. There are much better ways of being veggie with lots of interesting nutritious meals but for the time being just not giving him the meat is the way forward. That way you and your son get to eat meals that you like. He will soon get fed up with this and engage in a proper discussion about it.

He has the right to choose what he eats, but not what others eat.

SpaceOp Fri 26-Feb-21 09:58:22

Argh, that would drive me crazy. You need to be firm. If you DO have strong feelings about the environmental impact, feel free to agree to adapt your meat eating accordingly eg eating local, organic etc. But you should not be emotionally blackmailed into this.

It's particularly annoying as it's not even like you're saying you are absolutely committed to meat at every meal. You appear happy to eat veggie when he cooks etc.

Goatbriar Fri 26-Feb-21 09:59:31

I'm a longterm vegetarian on environmental rather than ethical grounds myself, and I would have no patience with this. He doesn't get to dictate what you eat or cook, and if he wants to be vegetarian, he should recognise that this in no way means you need to.

Does he not have a theory of mind or something? I mean, it's pretty weird to wake up in the morning and ask your spouse whether a mutual friend is going to join him in his particular type of diet?

intheenddoesitreallymatter Fri 26-Feb-21 10:00:16

I’ve been a vegan the best part of a decade, love food, love cooking, love the lifestyle ect BUT I would never force it on anyone else.

My husband rarely eats meat (through choice) but I would never stop him from doing so. Nor any family members and I really don’t agree with forcing people to follow your ideologies. Same I wouldn’t go to church if my husband asked me to. I cook vegan / vegetarian for others because that’s what I eat and when they cook they cook what they want to.

Your diet is the most personal thing in your life. If you don’t want to be vegetarian you don’t have to be. You need to tell him this straight and outline exactly what is going to happen if he persists.

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