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To not transfer my savings to DP

(262 Posts)
Calty123 Wed 24-Feb-21 20:51:55

So my partner and I have been together for 4 years. Neither of us had any savings when we first got together. We agreed we wanted to start saving at the same time and built up around 3k each - he then lost his job, didn’t put any effort into finding a new one for about 4 months and spent all of his savings. Fast forward to now he has around 2k maybe and I have around 10k. I was made redundant and then got pregnant so my only income is now maternity allowance of around £600 a month. He still earns about 2k a month.

DP thinks I should transfer him some of my savings (we do have a joint account but both have separate accounts for savings) and then he would be happy to put his wage into the joint account every month for me to use for food and baby, rather than at the moment I spend all my maternity allowance on food/baby/rent and he doesn’t really contribute that much. He will give me £30 for food here and there if I say I’ve not got anything left for the month but he doesn’t give me his card to go to the shop and it’s always me that goes so I end up paying. If I’m ordering things online for baby he does sometimes pay.

His reasoning is that if I decide to leave him then I’ve still got all my savings and he will still only have 2k as we will have spent his wage every month.
We’re waiting for our house to be finished so only pay very minimal bills to my parents currently and both pay for our own cars, phones etc but when we move out in the next month or so he will pay majority household bills.

Would you transfer some of your savings?
YABU - yes
YANBU - no

OP’s posts: |
Graphista Wed 24-Feb-21 20:54:45

Err nope! He's clearly not responsible with money and his reasoning is based on the possibility of you leaving! In which case you would need that money for you and dc

Methinks you have a cocklodger there

Mellonsprite Wed 24-Feb-21 20:55:07

So he currently pays nothing towards the costs if his own child and he wants you to give him money from your savings? Hell no!

Theunamedcat Wed 24-Feb-21 20:55:13

Is the house rented or are you buying? I really wouldn't transfer your savings away you have saved and right now if your staying with parents he can save more

Zarinea Wed 24-Feb-21 20:56:50

If that's his attitude I'd suggest billing him for his share of your time looking after his child.

dementedpixie Wed 24-Feb-21 20:57:33

So what does he contribute at the moment? I dont think you should transfer your savings tbh

ElphabaTheGreen Wed 24-Feb-21 20:58:01

WTF. No. What a weird arrangement. You both agreed to have this baby and part of that is agreeing that the larger income earner takes a larger financial hit to cover maternity.

If splitting up in the future is a likelihood, all the more reason you need to hang onto all your savings especially as it sounds like from your OP the reason he lost his own savings was because he pissed it up against a wall.

endlesswicker Wed 24-Feb-21 20:59:13

What did he spend all his savings on?

Snowpaw Wed 24-Feb-21 21:00:24

While you have been paying minimal bills staying with your parents, what has he been spending his money on? Surely he’s been able to save quite a bit?

Need to split baby related things down the middle. No question.

No way I’d be handing savings over.

DifficultBloodyWoman Wed 24-Feb-21 21:01:04

Hell, no!

EugeniaGrace Wed 24-Feb-21 21:01:16

No, i wouldn’t transfer my savings. I am not sure if I understand correctly. You earn £600 and pay for e writhing, he earns £2000 and pays for nothing?

If so, I might stop feeding him. Say maternity allowance doesn’t stretch that far and just prepare food for you and the baby.

gmailconfusion2 Wed 24-Feb-21 21:02:04

So.. He spent his savings now he wants to spend yours? He should be putting his into the joint account to cover bills with what's left split between the two after your mat pay surely?

TheWaif Wed 24-Feb-21 21:02:37

😆 what a fucking chancer!

Quartz2208 Wed 24-Feb-21 21:02:42

What does he pay towards his child?

DifficultBloodyWoman Wed 24-Feb-21 21:02:49

You need to spend your maternity pay on supporting yourself and your child. But he should be paying (at least) 50% of the baby’s costs.

AdaFuckingShelby Wed 24-Feb-21 21:03:37

No no no. Read your post back imagining that you have an adult daughter in the same situation. What advice would you give her?

JackieWeaverFever Wed 24-Feb-21 21:06:00

Jesus H Christ
What did I just read??? confused

Have you explained there is LITERALLY nothing stopping him being a normal responsible caring partner and "putting his wage into the joint account every month for me to use for food and baby"

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood Wed 24-Feb-21 21:09:37

He is a total loser. Don’t transfer your money. And do not move in with him either.

Dee1975 Wed 24-Feb-21 21:11:06

So in order for him to pay for the baby and your joint food, he wants your savings .... ?!?!?!!!
Offer to go back to work full time and he would have to pay half of child care ...
he can’t get away with you paying everything for baby and food and he bungs you £30 here and there.

Snowymcsnowsony Wed 24-Feb-21 21:11:07

Op you would be better of in so many ways ltb

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood Wed 24-Feb-21 21:11:12

Elsewhere in the real world there are people who want to support their children properly..,,just get rid. He won’t change.

7yo7yo Wed 24-Feb-21 21:11:22

Please tell me your not buying with him!

Notanotherhun Wed 24-Feb-21 21:12:13

He can off.

Herja Wed 24-Feb-21 21:12:17

No. No fucking way.

Frankly, you would be far better off without him. He is a useless prick of a father (clearly, or he'd be paying towards his child's upkeep). He's costing YOU money for his food. He's financially abusive. You would be able to claim benefits without him - then you can actually afford what yiu and DD need. He's trying to make you think all that's acceptable...

Wolfiefan Wed 24-Feb-21 21:13:42

You need your savings OP. All the signs are you might end up being a lone parent. He’s a chancing cocklodger.

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