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Page 21 | To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

(508 Posts)
sadirahunet Thu 28-Jan-21 06:47:42

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

OP’s posts: |
TheOneLeggedJockey Thu 28-Jan-21 20:05:40

The OP isn’t coming back to the thread, because it hasn’t gone the way she thought it would at all.

Pugdoglife Thu 28-Jan-21 20:16:36


For the sake of so little difference, it would keep the peace to split equally. £60k split 5 ways would give Dad and all four of you £12k each. Not too different to the £15k you get the other way but everyone is fairly treated then.


smoothchange Thu 28-Jan-21 20:28:24


He may not know that though. It may just be what he is considering.

He may well know it and is intending to only receive his £15k with the other monies getting paid directly to his children.

AnotherEmma Thu 28-Jan-21 20:30:41



He may not know that though. It may just be what he is considering.

He may well know it and is intending to only receive his £15k with the other monies getting paid directly to his children.

You can't do that, you can't claim you never got the money if you were legally entitled to it and gave it away.

DWP aren't that stupid grin (often incompetent and stingy but no real loopholes!)

Shitzngiggles Thu 28-Jan-21 20:34:25

OK its his money to do what he wants with. But its shitty behavior and just the type of behaviour that drove a wedge between me and my dad. Us 3 siblings from the first marriage were very much treated second best. Just as an example the 2 dcs from the second marriage would have literally hundreds of pounds spent on them for Xmas and birthdays. We were lucky if we got a tenner spent on us, and thsts when he even bothered to remember we existed. I've no doubt if he had any money to leave when he died we would have got barely anything. Its not just about money, but its just indicative of how he viewed us in every aspect of our relationship, always second best.

smoothchange Thu 28-Jan-21 20:35:01

I'm not saying they are stupid. I am saying that train of thought may be where the OP DF is coming from. I'm not arguing the rights or wrongs of it, but he simply might not know those rights and wrongs and that may be his reasoning behind this.

Milliepossum Thu 28-Jan-21 23:49:00


My DH is an older brother to 2 half siblings - his father walked out on his Mum when he was 2. He is definitely more of a Dad to his second family. He recently told DH he was glad he has 'sorted his life out' & wouldn't need to be considered in his will - unlike his younger children. My DH is only 'sorted' because he is 15 years older - it is yet another way in which DH feels sidelined & uncared for, it isn't about money at all.

I’ve seen this happen over time where the children of the first family were abandoned by the father who went on to have a second family. The children from the first family went without while later watching the children of the second family going on luxury holidays and getting all sorts of things - so they didn’t go without anything ever. The father had more money during the second marriage but still treated the children of the first family as irrelevant and didn’t pay for anything even though they were still young around 10 years old. When the money flow stopped because of a business downturn, the children of the second family were in their late teens but they didn’t work, made bad choices and became losers. The father then tried to tell the children of the first family that they were obliged to ‘help’ their younger half siblings, who were adults and no longer young. The first family is no contact with the second family, it’s clear the father and children have the same entitled thinking. I have a feeling that the mother of OPs half siblings has had a much better life since she divorced the OPs father. I feel sorry for the older half siblings, but not anyone else.

MissMarpleDarling Fri 29-Jan-21 00:49:07

YABVU he should treat his children fairly. No wonder your older brother is annoyed bet he feels like the black sheep being thrown Pennies when the favourites get more. Very cruel and unfair.

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