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To think my dad is right to give more of grandmother's inheritance to me and my brother than his 2 older kids?

(508 Posts)
sadirahunet Thu 28-Jan-21 06:47:42

My grandma, my last living grandparent died a few months ago, however due to everything going on etc they are only really now dealing with the financial side of things. My mum and dad have struggled greatly throughout our whole lives, but have done their very best for us. Parents live in a council house, brother lives with them. I'm a single mum barely scraping by in a shitty private rental. Older half sibling's are significantly older (late teens when I was born) but from what I know dad was always around for them during their childhood and they both say he's been a brilliant dad. We're all close-knit. His choice regarding grandma's money only comes from a financial perspective of who he thinks needs the money more and isn't favouritism or prioritsing his second family etc. I am absolutely certain of that.

When both of my maternal grandparent's died in the same year, my parent's only got a few thousand which was swallowed up by general life things. As for my half-siblings, their mother owns a house which is in a very well-off town near us, easily worth 400k if not more. Granted she has gone on to have 1 more child with her husband so there's 3 kids to consider there. I don't know much about her parent's as obviously her and her parents are nothing to do with me, but I do know they are divorced and both own a house each, again in a well-off area with ridiculous prices. They are in their late 80s.

Dad is likely going to get about 60k (DGM has 7 kids). He wants to split it into 4 quarters. The plan is to keep 15k, give me and my brother 15k each, and split the last quarter between my half-siblings. He would like me and my brother to put it towards house deposits which we both intend to do. I know my dad, he adores us all and would do anything for all 4 of us. I know for a fact that this isn't favouritism. It's just that my half-siblings are likely going to benefit from inheriting money from 3 different houses worth 400k+ in the future, 2 of which will probably happen in the next few years. Whereas me and Dbro, this money from our grandma is literally it for all we will ever inherit unless our parents come into a huge windfall, which DHalfSiblings would benefit from as well anyway.

DHalfSis is absolutely fine with the arrangement and agrees it's fair considering the circumstances. However DHalfbro and his long-term girlfriend who he has a child with are whinging and playing the 'second family' card. Dad is very hurt and before all of this, we all got on brilliantly and there was never any kind of bitterness. AIBU to think there arrangement is fair and DHalfBro isn't considering the wider picture? I know for a fact if it was the other way round he'd have given DHalfSibling's more and rightly so.

OP’s posts: |
Thehop Thu 28-Jan-21 06:50:51

Why on earth did he tell them you were getting more? Surely that’s rubbing their nose in it a bit?

Watchingbehindmyhands Thu 28-Jan-21 06:51:53

He should probably treat you all the same.

Marley20 Thu 28-Jan-21 06:52:21

Not unreasonable at all, it's your dad's money to do with as he likes and he's making sure all his kids are ok. Stay out of it, this is your dad's battle xxx

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 28-Jan-21 06:52:46

On paper it looks like you should get more but it doesn’t work like that, emotions come into play and your banking on scenarios in place which may or may not happen in the future for your half siblings.

I’d split it evenly.

CC2021 Thu 28-Jan-21 06:53:08

YABVU! Your Dad is playing the second family card and that's absolutely vile! What your older siblings Mum has financially is of no relevance to this issue (or to you for that matter.

Spidey66 Thu 28-Jan-21 06:53:49

Tbh I think the only fair way is each child is treated equally, but it's up to your dad at the end of the day.

HorseOfPhillipMoss Thu 28-Jan-21 06:55:43

He is equally father to all of you, the money should be split equally, what they may or may not inherit from their mother's side is irrelevant. For a start it could be left to a donkey sanctuary, eaten up in care home fees etc and even if it isn't it's not the fault of your half siblings that their mother's family is more successful than yours. It's your father's money and he can do as he pleases but do I think this is fair, no I don't.

happylittlechick Thu 28-Jan-21 06:55:45

It's not their fault that your mum isn't well off.
It does scream of second family to me. Whilst I understand his reasons I think it's really unfair. Just because they will inherit in the future doesn't mean they couldn't do with the money now. And halving their inheritance isn't fair. If your sis is happy then she could give you her share of the money. Her choice. but i don't think it's your dads job to decide.

Willyoujustbequiet Thu 28-Jan-21 06:55:55

Equal shares is the only way to go in these matters imo. It's not about who may have extra coming, it's about a parent treating all his children the same.

zzizzer Thu 28-Jan-21 06:57:09

Yeah I'm not so sure if everything is as perfect as you perhaps like to imagine. You're not the one in the second family after all.

CoalCraft Thu 28-Jan-21 06:57:12

You're older siblings shouldn't be punished for having a rich mum. YABU and each of you should get the same amount. If your siblings voluntarily and without prompting offer to gift you more of the money that's up to them, but they should be the ones to decide that.

Kingkong66 Thu 28-Jan-21 06:58:00

Completely unreasonable. Your dad should split any that he’s giving away evenly or it isn’t fair.

He can’t second guess potential inheritance, that money could get soaked up in care fees, private medical costs, cruises...anything!

You mention half-siblings parents and grandparents but not their own finances, the money might make a very big difference to them too, your dad making that decision is grossly unfair and I can’t ever imagine choosing between my children like this.

PicsInRed Thu 28-Jan-21 06:58:17

How old were the older 2 when their parents split? Were the circumstances difficult? Was Dad actively involved in their upbringing, or just loved and visited them?

Clearly your half brother feels some abandonment and favouritism and this has put it all down on paper in black and white.

How would you feel if your Dad had left you and started/lived with a new family 100% of the time and saw you sometimes? I think for your brother this isn't about money, it's about love and his perception that he received less off it - this has simply given him an outlet to explain that in numerical terms, where before he may have tried to tell himself it wasnt the case.

It's your Dad's money to do with as he pleases but he'll need to accept that the older 2 will have opinions about this and may choose to see him less as a result.

DinosaurDiana Thu 28-Jan-21 06:59:02

You should all be getting the same from him.
What their mother might or might not leave them (after possible care needs in her old age) is none of your business.

TheOneLeggedJockey Thu 28-Jan-21 06:59:52

You can have all the reasons in the world to think you getting a bigger share is fine, but you can’t detach the emotion from it, and can surely understand your half brother feeling hard done by.

A future possible inheritance has no real bearing on this. All things being equal, he’d get the exact same amount as you.

You may well feel fully entitled to a greater share, but unfortunately your half-brother doesn’t think it’s fair, and you can’t wish away his feelings.

MrsBrunch Thu 28-Jan-21 07:00:04

YABU he has 4 children, he treats them the same.

Cairnterrorist Thu 28-Jan-21 07:02:19

Absolutely unreasonable. You should all get the same.

cptartapp Thu 28-Jan-21 07:02:24

Life circumstances and wealth and potential inheritances are irrelevant.
Equal split.

sadirahunet Thu 28-Jan-21 07:02:37

I will add that when Ddad divorced his first wife he walked away from the house they bought together so she could stay there with the kids without having to worry about her home. She then sold that and got a new house with her husband a few years later.

DHalfBro has also been making nasty comments to me about my situation and saying I’m leeching off dad which disgusts me as I’ve never taken a penny off him.

OP’s posts: |
Flowerythoughts Thu 28-Jan-21 07:02:45


YABU he has 4 children, he treats them the same.

^this. Awful that he would consider giving them less.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear Thu 28-Jan-21 07:03:59

Inheritance should always be split equally between all children unless one has a disability which affects their ability to provide for themselves. It's not about the money, it's the emotions tied up in it all. Your Dhalfb now feels less loved and valued and I totally get why he is feeling that way.

GrumpyHoonMain Thu 28-Jan-21 07:04:57

It’s your dad’s money. He can split it how he likes.

Potcallingkettle Thu 28-Jan-21 07:05:51

For the sake of so little difference, it would keep the peace to split equally. £60k split 5 ways would give Dad and all four of you £12k each. Not too different to the £15k you get the other way but everyone is fairly treated then.

AStudyinPink Thu 28-Jan-21 07:06:41

He should treat all of his children the same.

In my opinion he should also keep more of the money himself to cover his own needs before handing over 3/4 of it to his working age kids.

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