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Me and DSis pregnant. Mum only happy for me.

(819 Posts)
icecreamgirl94 Tue 26-Jan-21 17:08:01

Hi, newbie here. Not sure exactly what I’m asking to be honest, I’ve been debating what to write for a few hours! I think I just need to write it down.
I’m pregnant, due in March. This is the best news ever, DP and I have been trying for 6 years and had 2 losses so all the family are on cloud 9.
My 16 year old sister is also pregnant, obviously unplanned. The father doesn’t want any involvement and DSis had an abortion booked twice but has decided to keep the baby and the family have said they will support her choice. Everyone that is except our mum who has taken the news very badly. DSis didn’t tell her until nearly 4 months and since then their relationship has been awful. Back in September I invited DSis to stay with me and DP throughout the pregnancy, I thought it might be nice for us to be pregnant together and be a more relaxing environment for her. Since then DM has barely spoken to her.
Anyway the reason I’m posting is because DSis is due now and looks like she could go at any moment. She’s in our spare room (which is meant to be the nursery for our baby) and none of us really know what to do once her baby arrives. Realistically she can’t stay here, but I don’t want her to go back to DM’s if she isn’t going to be supportive. I’d hoped that once the baby arrived DM’s attitude would change but that seems less and less likely. DM is also really excited about my baby which makes me feel awful for poor DSis who is really anxious about the birth and just wants her mum. AIBU to expect better from DM?
Sorry I don’t even know why I’m posting this, I just don’t know what to do. Thanks if anyone does read.

OP’s posts: |
AryaStarkWolf Tue 26-Jan-21 17:10:36

her baby hasn't arrived yet so maybe your mom will come round when that happens? have you talked to her about it? Your mother I mean.

Morgan12 Tue 26-Jan-21 17:12:00

Your mum is being totally out of order. Tell her to grow up and be there for her child. How can she be so selfish? I'd be disgusted with her.

MaizeBlouse Tue 26-Jan-21 17:14:39

Wow, I can understand your mum feeling disappointed and upset over your sisters choices that led to the pregnancy but it is awful that she hasn't been supportive since. What was thier relationship like before her pregnancy? What has your mum said when you have spoken to her about it?

Your sister is still a child legally, im not surprised she is anxious and worried about having a baby of her own, your mums lack of care for her is unforgivable in my opinion.

WhatKatyDidNxt Tue 26-Jan-21 17:14:45

Being blunt but if your sister thinks she is old enough to have a baby then she is old enough to sort out where she lives? She has had 9 months notice to sort something out. Surely she’s worked out she can’t sleep in your nursery forever?

Summersun2020 Tue 26-Jan-21 17:17:53

Your mum sounds fucking awful. Your poor sister 😢 I’m glad she has you OP. How do you think she would handle living alone with a baby? Could you help her to sort a flat/apply for benefits?
Current safe sleeping guidelines recommend that baby is in your room for first 6 months of life, so you do have time. flowers congratulations to you both btw smile

AwkwardAsAllGetout Tue 26-Jan-21 17:18:42

What does your sister plan to do? It sounds like she’s had a long time to think about this. As nice as it was if you to take her in, the fact she’s still with you when she’s so nearly due isn’t great, even as the most lovely person in the world you’ll want your privacy with your own dp and baby once they arrive. I wouldn’t be thrilled if my 16 year old was pregnant but I hope I could find it in myself to help her if she was. Your sister sounds very passive in this which makes me worry that she might be a young 16. I had my first baby just shy of 20 and my parents didn’t speak to me for the whole pregnancy which was devastating. But I was at uni, managed by myself, found myself somewhere to live and got on with it. You need to have a serious talk with your sister and you need to do it quickly. Your mum may well have a change of heart when the baby arrives, but she might not. Your sister needs to get the ball rolling to find her own place.

CovidCakeConundrum Tue 26-Jan-21 17:19:01

Your mum's reaction is understandable. No one is going to be ecstatic their 16year old is pregnant. She's probably disappointed and worried that any hopes/dreams for your sister's future are ruined or at the very least harder to achieve. Regardless your mum should be emotionally supportive of her and be trying to help her through this.

What are your sister's plans? Shes decided to be an adult and have a baby, where does she plan to live? It's her responsibility.

MissMarpleDarling Tue 26-Jan-21 17:19:29

Is your sister on the council budding list OP? I kind of agree that if she wanted baby she needs to sort her life out.

MissMarpleDarling Tue 26-Jan-21 17:19:58

Bidding*

BlueSussex Tue 26-Jan-21 17:20:12

Have you told your mother how you feel? How disgusted with her you are?

I would make it clear she is involved with both or neither GC and keep solidarity with my sister.

MereDintofPandiculation Tue 26-Jan-21 17:20:27

Being blunt but if your sister thinks she is old enough to have a baby then she is old enough to sort out where she lives? That's a bit unfair. I doubt whether she thought "Hey, I'm 16, I'm grown-up, I'm going to get pregnant".

FreshEggs Tue 26-Jan-21 17:21:45

difficult situation but just wanted to say you seem like a lovely sister. I’m sure your Dsis will always appreciate that.

EsmeeMerlin Tue 26-Jan-21 17:21:46

While most mothers would be disappointed in their 16 year old being pregnant, I don’t know many that would effectively disown their child for it. I would be angry with your mum, your sister is still only 16 and it’s your mum’s responsibility to support her. Has your sister accessed any housing advice?

pinkyredrose Tue 26-Jan-21 17:22:09

She needs to get on the council list. She's going to be a mother, she needs to take responsibility for herself .

ErickBroch Tue 26-Jan-21 17:22:21

She has chosen to have the baby (her decision!) but she should therefore have thought about where she is going to live. If your mum won't have her at the house then really she needs to speak to the council. My friend got pregnant at 16 she lived in a mother/baby housing unit for 3 years x

Summersun2020 Tue 26-Jan-21 17:22:40

With guidance, love and support from her mother, the sister may have been a lot more prepared for motherhood herself. As it stands I’d imagine she feels rejected and terrified and alone.
Even if the mother has a change of heart now she can never undo the hurt she’s caused. Unforgivable.

AlrightyThen1234 Tue 26-Jan-21 17:22:43

@WhatKatyDidNxt bit harsh, she may not have thought she was old enough to have a baby but is stuck with it now and couldn't go through with an abortion, it doesn't mean she should be expected to make the decisions of say a 25 year old.

ErickBroch Tue 26-Jan-21 17:22:59

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/housing_for_young_people/housing_options_for_young_parents

WINKINGatyourage Tue 26-Jan-21 17:23:34

WhatKatyDidNxt

Being blunt but if your sister thinks she is old enough to have a baby then she is old enough to sort out where she lives? She has had 9 months notice to sort something out. Surely she’s worked out she can’t sleep in your nursery forever?

Oh stop it!

She’s 16. They aren’t fully cooked adults. Just because their bodies are ready to create life and her inbuilt biological instinct wants to keep it doesn’t mean she suddenly knows how to sort everything out for herself. This is a whole new world for her to navigate. She needs help and support and her own mother has effectively abandoned her instead of helping her work all this stuff out.

Summersun2020 Tue 26-Jan-21 17:23:37

Agree with @EsmeeMerlin . The nastiness and lack of empathy in this thread toward a vulnerable child is fucking vile.

Summersun2020 Tue 26-Jan-21 17:24:18

@WINKINGatyourage 👏 👏 👏 👏

BlueSussex Tue 26-Jan-21 17:25:21

When OP has her baby her sister will be made technically homeless and will be housed.

I think the issue here is the lack of any support, of any kind, from the mother.

I cannot imagine treating my own DD as shittily as this.

BlueTimes Tue 26-Jan-21 17:26:06

Has your sister been given support and advice during her pregnancy about where she will live and be able to support herself and baby? If she hasn’t or she hasn’t been honest when asked about her home situation, she needs to speak up now to get that help.

TeenagePITA Tue 26-Jan-21 17:26:40

If I were you I'd be very very disappointed in my mum.
I wouldn't be reducing contact until she bucked up her ideas.

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