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AIBU to think it’s inappropriate..

(88 Posts)
RoseInaBook Mon 25-Jan-21 20:50:50

AIBU to be annoyed that my Bf sent his ex Gf a birthday present without saying anything about it, keeping it secret?

I’ve known him socially about 4 yrs, We’ve been together almost a year and are moving in together. They were together 7 yrs and broke up in 2016, she lives abroad, they have long phone calls fairly often too, maybe once or twice a week. They also still share Spotify and Netflix accounts.

It’s bothering me, am I over reacting?

OP’s posts: |
Palavah Mon 25-Jan-21 21:00:14

They have long phone calls once or twice a WEEK?

Yes, that would bother me enormously.

What was the present? What did he get you for your birthday?

SoCrimeaRiver Mon 25-Jan-21 21:01:40

If you don't live together, I can see why he didn't mention a friend's birthday, but the Spotify thing is odd. Did they drift apart, or what reason has he given you for their split?

billy1966 Mon 25-Jan-21 21:04:17

Long phone calls twice a week.

Save yourself heartache and don't bother moving in with him.

He still has feelings for her.

Notlong2go Mon 25-Jan-21 21:06:51

Some people stay friends with their exes but, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I would feel peed off too. Especially keeping quiet about the birthday present I would wonder why

Ileflottante Mon 25-Jan-21 21:07:48

Ok the phone calls have floored me. The present is the least of the problems.

Agree with PP, what did he buy her? And what did he buy you?

ProseInaBook Mon 25-Jan-21 21:08:40

Well, for my birthday he paid to rent a space (£100) and, er, a candle. :/

He sent her an amphora, which is a water purifying urn type thing, it cost about £40.

Tbf they are in the final stages of selling a property but the chats are beyond just that.

Cocopogo Mon 25-Jan-21 21:09:00

Long phone calls, are you sure she doesn’t think they are in LDR?

SnackSizeRaisin Mon 25-Jan-21 21:10:34

The birthday present is none of your business. The long phone calls and joint accounts are odd though. That suggests they are not "over" each other. Perhaps once you move in together he will have less contact...but maybe not. I would probably reconsider the moving in plan

ProseInaBook Mon 25-Jan-21 21:11:19

We do live together now, but we’re buying a bigger place to move into together, sorry that wasn’t clear

BullOx Mon 25-Jan-21 21:11:45


Long phone calls twice a week.

Save yourself heartache and don't bother moving in with him.

He still has feelings for her.


SnackSizeRaisin Mon 25-Jan-21 21:13:50

Based on your update, wait until the property is sold and another 3-6 months to see how things settle once there's no reason to continue this amount of contact.
It can be perfectly normal to take a while to get over a long term relationship but it can also make things difficult in a new relationship. Depends if you are willing to take that risk

floopidy Mon 25-Jan-21 21:14:53

No you are not overreacting, hes deffo trying to get his willy wetter

MechantGourmet Mon 25-Jan-21 21:19:35

Namechange fail OP!

MaggieFS Mon 25-Jan-21 21:19:55

Birthday present odd but not always sinister. As for everything else, that's just beyond weird.

donquixotedelamancha Mon 25-Jan-21 21:20:46

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fimimifi Mon 25-Jan-21 21:21:31

YANBU. Long phone calls once or twice a week?? Have you spoken to him about this?

rubybarley Mon 25-Jan-21 21:23:39

He’s allowed to be friends with an ex

ProseInaBook Mon 25-Jan-21 21:49:57

Thanks all, I’ve just started using this site, not sure how it all works!
They broke up in 2016.. I think that’s quite a while to get over a relationship. She does know I exist, I’ve heard him mention me, but I do get the feeling somethings not right

partyatthepalace Mon 25-Jan-21 21:58:40

B’day present - fine, no reason he should say anything, joint Netflix could just be laziness - but two phone calls a week is feckin weird. I think he is still hung up on her, and I wouldn’t move in with him.

ProseInaBook Mon 25-Jan-21 22:03:18

You don’t believe me?

ProseInaBook Mon 25-Jan-21 22:04:49


Welcome to MN, OP.

they have long phone calls fairly often too, maybe once or twice a week.

Pull the other one, it has bells on.

You don’t believe me donquixotedelamancha?

CandyLeBonBon Mon 25-Jan-21 22:05:46

You've had a name change fail op.

EspressoExpresso Mon 25-Jan-21 22:08:49

Do they have a child/ren together? That's the only feasible reason I can see for this level of contact?

ProseInaBook Mon 25-Jan-21 22:14:39

What does that actually mean? @CandyLeBonBon

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