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AIBU to find this a massive turn off?

(90 Posts)
fdinthea Mon 25-Jan-21 15:39:40

So my husband and I have been married for 9 years, have a 11 month old DC and sex hasn’t really been on the agenda for quite some time which I’d like to do something about but he keeps turning me right off. He’s the perfect husband so many ways but after spending a lot more time together recently I’ve been becoming more and more sensitive to the way he speaks to me, to the baby, to the pets. He regularly baby talks and says to me things like “Mummy can you give the dog a rubby dub?” and I just shudder inside. He’d never be like this in front of other people and I’d always find him super sexy in social situations but now we’ve been starved of social contact for so long this behaviour is increasing and he’s talking like this in public. I’ve tried to lightheartedly bring him up on it in private but he feels attacked and emasculated and now I don’t know what to do! He’s absolutely lovely and gorgeous looking but I’m not finding him remotely sexually attractive atm.

OP’s posts: |
katy1213 Mon 25-Jan-21 15:45:32

I am shuddering for you! He's emasculating himself if she speaks like this.
I'd just tell him to fucking stop. Pretty please.

katy1213 Mon 25-Jan-21 15:45:58

Sorry, if he speaks like this!

prawncocktailpringles Mon 25-Jan-21 15:46:25

Eugh!!

suspiria777 Mon 25-Jan-21 15:48:37

I would find that very offputting. Why does he do it? Have you asked him? Have you told him how disturbing and unsexy you find it (but not him)? Have you asked him not to?

Rowenasemolina Mon 25-Jan-21 15:48:51

This baby talk is instinctive and repetition and rhyming catches the attention of infants of your daughters age.

It sounds like he is being a natural parent.

I would just suggest you praise him for his paternal instincts and just ask him to limit it to talking to the baby

Catflapkitkat Mon 25-Jan-21 15:50:19

There is a Sex and the City baby talk episode and it being a total turn off. Could you watch it together

Santaiscovidfree Mon 25-Jan-21 15:52:42

Just tell him he will have to bunk in with dc tonight as you aren't sharing a bed with him talking like that.. He is your dh - you should be able to say that.
Along with your pits /breath /feet smell. Never understand how people can't just say these things!!
Their right not to feel offended doesn't outweigh yours!!

fdinthea Mon 25-Jan-21 15:55:03

@suspiria777 yeah I’ve mentioned it a few times before but it hurts him and I feel knocking his confidence just increases the behaviour... it’s such a hard one!
@Rowenasemolina I agree but he was like this before the baby was born 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP’s posts: |
coldsunnydays Mon 25-Jan-21 15:57:23

Don't bring it up lightheartedly. Directly tell him its a massive turn off and its put you off sex with him. Don't baby HIM by sugaring the pill!

ivfbeenbusy Mon 25-Jan-21 15:58:37

It's totally cringe - but I remember a recent thread on here where the OP (mother) had said her partner had told her that the baby talk she did to her son was cringey and MN was up in arms so for the sake of a balance I'm going to say if this is his only bad quality then I'd find a way to ignore it

coldsunnydays Mon 25-Jan-21 16:01:15

I’ve mentioned it a few times before but it hurts him

God that would turn me off too. He needs to grow up. A grown man who can't bear to hear that something easily changeable is a turn off? That is pathetic. And continuing to do something you find a turn off is really disrespectful to you. He seems to care a lot about his feelings but not at all about yours.

suspiria777 Mon 25-Jan-21 16:02:39

but it hurts him and I feel knocking his confidence just increases the behaviour...

I can't understand this.
If i'm understanding correctly, you've told him in the past that you'd prefer he talked to you like an adult, and that hurts his feelings and makes him act even more like a baby/talk more like a baby?

Does he explain why he does it? Or why he doesn't want to stop?

FreedomAnniversary Mon 25-Jan-21 16:06:05

ivfbeenbusy

It's totally cringe - but I remember a recent thread on here where the OP (mother) had said her partner had told her that the baby talk she did to her son was cringey and MN was up in arms so for the sake of a balance I'm going to say if this is his only bad quality then I'd find a way to ignore it

But she was doing that to her son, not her husband so not quite the same situation.

Jobsharenightmare Mon 25-Jan-21 16:06:59

Knocks his confidence even further....

So he is putting on this voice because he doesn't have the confidence to just speak as his adult self? He has emotionally regressed over the last year or more? I wonder if you need to ignore it for a while and focus on what needs to change to boost his confidence (in general) if this baby talk is actually a symptom of the real issue.

SummerHouse Mon 25-Jan-21 16:12:59

He wouldn't be getting any rubby dubs from me. confused

Not the best strategy but I would ignore it and hope it goes away.

NoOneOwnsTheRainbow Mon 25-Jan-21 16:13:42

Does he have mummy issues? Is he into ageplay? Are you breastfeeding (makes sex drive go down the toilet for a lot of people and can make you more sensitive to stuff)? It sounds like there's something under the surface here that's been thrown into the light by having a baby and seeing you in a mother role? IDK. It would make me turned off and skeeved out TBH but I know some people are into it.

Santaiscovidfree Mon 25-Jan-21 16:15:51

Forget his confidence... That is your interpretation... He is damaging your relationship.
You need to tell him.
My dh has gained weight. As have I. I told him our sex life is suffering and we need to tackle it. Probably did knock his confidence.. Getting divorced would too.

burnoutbabe Mon 25-Jan-21 16:16:55

Mummy can you give the dog a rubby dub

It depends on if you have an actual DOG or not?

if he means THE DOG, i could live with it.

if he means HIS TODGER, i could not!

minty133 Mon 25-Jan-21 16:21:00

Yeah, what exactly does he mean by 'the dog' OP? hmm

CleverCatty Mon 25-Jan-21 16:23:50

burnoutbabe

*Mummy can you give the dog a rubby dub*

It depends on if you have an actual DOG or not?

if he means THE DOG, i could live with it.

if he means HIS TODGER, i could not!

I'd find it a turn off either way.

LTB?! Only joking...

crazychemist Mon 25-Jan-21 16:26:55

burnoutbabe

*Mummy can you give the dog a rubby dub*

It depends on if you have an actual DOG or not?

if he means THE DOG, i could live with it.

if he means HIS TODGER, i could not!

Oh god. I’d not even thought of that. Please please please tell me you have a dog!

Robbybobtail Mon 25-Jan-21 16:28:09

He’s giving you the ick. Be very careful as it’s us usually irreversible. Tell him to stop it right away as it makes your fanny clamp shut.

warmandtoasty2day Mon 25-Jan-21 16:28:09

watching with interest.

P1ainJanine Mon 25-Jan-21 16:31:18

Perhaps ypou should lay it out a bit more simplistically for him: he's not going to get any sex if he continues to talk to you in the manner of a toddler. Maybe if you make it a clear cut choice for him, it might focus his thoughts a little?

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