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Friend blocked me on fB. WWYD

(177 Posts)
Palatka Sun 24-Jan-21 23:48:12

To start with we're in our 50s, so not kids.

We're both Brits living overseas and were introduced by a mutual friend.

Friend and i hit it off and became good friends even though the mutual friend drifted away. Neither of us have many proper friends here so we used to enjoy getting together whenever we could.

She has a very different attitude to where we live - she always sees problems whereas i have a very positive experience. She can be quite aggressive in some ways. If someone is late paying her DH for work he has done she'll intervene and give them shit without giving him a chance to sort it out first. she always seems to have some crap on her plate.

She's had a few health issues plus some big inheritance issues with her siblings back in her home country. She's talked to me at length about her inheritance problems and I've been as supportive as i can, even though there's not much i can really do.

In november she had to have some follow up tests done and i wished her well and told her to let me know how she got on. I didn't hear back from her so i sent a message asking if she was ok. No reply so i tried calling and left a voicemail.
Not long after she sent me a message saying not to take it personally but she'd had enough of everything so she was stepping away from social media and people for a while. She ended her message with "take care" and i replied "you too x"
Shortly before Christmas i sent her a message just saying i hoped she was doing ok. Although I'd seen her online on FB, and also sharing a post, that message always says it was unread. A few days ago I tried to send her a message but it wouldn't send and i couldn't find her on FB.
i asked another mutual friend if she could see her profile and she could, so i was very obviously blocked.

I'm pretty shocked and really quite upset as she has blocked me right out of the blue - i hadn't tried to contact her for a month.
This is a friend who would offer to go to a medical appointment with me, or who said she was coming to support me (she lives and hour away) when we thought we might lose our house to a natural disaster.

I really don't know why just me, and why now. The other friend had tried to contact her a week or so ago and she just replied that she had a lot on her plate. Mutual friend's subsequent messages have gone unread.
I miss her.

I've toyed with the idea of sending her a letter saying i know she's blocked me but if she ever wants to get back in touch then my door is always open but I'll leave it to her to decide and that I won't bother her again though.
Then I think "fuck her". If she can block me so easily we didn't have the friendship I thought we did and try and forget about her.

So wwyd?

OP’s posts: |
PanamaPattie Sun 24-Jan-21 23:57:14

Absolutely nothing.

Aria999 Mon 25-Jan-21 00:01:58

She's being weird for her own reasons. You can't change people. Either she'll try to come back at some point or she won't. If she does you can figure out if you still want her. In the meantime forget about her and get on with your life.

It's hurtful but you can't do anything about it.

ginswinger Mon 25-Jan-21 00:05:13

I'm afraid I might try to put her to the back of my mind and leave well alone. You might like to send her a letter saying the door is open but blocking someone on facebook shows intent, even when we don't fully understand the intentions. Stuff goes on in other people's lives we don't know about, but I think we ought to take folk at face value and put some distance. I am sorry this happened to you, she has no doubt lost a good friend.

HighSpecWhistle Mon 25-Jan-21 00:11:34

She should have spoken to you, it wasnt thoughtful of her to have left you in the dark.

However she has since said it's not personal and she needs a break. I think you need to respect that and cease contacting her. Maybe she has other issues going on that you are not aware of.

You say it's only you she's blocked but you don't know that. Also she's now not replying to her other friend which indicates this is her problem, not one with you specifically.

It must be hard when you don't have a big network. Maybe use this as an opportunity to reach out the others and try to strengthen other friendships. Hopefully she'll get back in contact soon enough. Hope you're ok.

yuyubooboo Mon 25-Jan-21 00:13:08

I'd leave her to it. Can't be doing with that. I'm sorry for you that you've lost a friend though.

Oreservoir Mon 25-Jan-21 00:13:51

I would leave it. Your friend may be struggling atm.
My ex sil blocked me, no reason that I know of. I have blocked a family member

Oreservoir Mon 25-Jan-21 00:17:17

Posted too soon.
I have blocked a family member in the past but only because some of her posts were inflammatory and I didn’t want a spat on sm.

MeowPurrGrr Mon 25-Jan-21 00:18:07

Send her the letter and leave the ball in her court, she’s pushed you away she’s she’s likely to be struggling mentally. Decide if you want to be friends with someone who’s going to make herself emotionally unavailable when things get difficult, it sounds like her coping mechanism.

Chloemol Mon 25-Jan-21 00:18:22

Nothing, just leave her to it, and move on. And if she ever contacted me again she would get short shift

Aquamarine1029 Mon 25-Jan-21 00:21:28

I wouldn't do anything. Not a single thing. She sounds like a proper pain in the arse and a major drama queen.

Butterymuffin Mon 25-Jan-21 00:29:10

Just leave it all for now. No need to do anything straight away.

I assume she has your phone number, so even if she's blocked you on Facebook, she could contact you?

SundaySleep Mon 25-Jan-21 00:44:46

Why are you even bothered she blocked you? You’re not really a great friend, you spent that whole post slagging her off anyways! Doesn’t sound like you’d miss her much!

Andrea87 Mon 25-Jan-21 00:49:04

It’s hurtful to you but who knows what is going on in her life, her emotions or her head, but you have done your best. I assume she knows how to contact you and that you would be there for her if she needs you, so the ball is in her court . Maybe just send her a note saying you miss her friendship and is there anything you can do, and then wait for a response.
I hope she does contact you so you get an answer and some closure about this.

Jokie Mon 25-Jan-21 00:50:46

Absolutely nothing. I know it hurts but try to move on. You've done everything you can to leave the door open and right now, she saying she doesn't want it.

OrigamiOwl Mon 25-Jan-21 00:52:52

I wouldn't do anything. She's made it clear she doesn't want contact, so leave her to it.

Sweettea1 Mon 25-Jan-21 00:55:56

Maybe she's going through some mental health or medical issues. I would write a letter but not mentioning the fb block just saying hope everything is ok and am here if you need me. Other than that there is really nothing else you can do.

Palatka Mon 25-Jan-21 00:58:40

SundaySleep

Why are you even bothered she blocked you? You’re not really a great friend, you spent that whole post slagging her off anyways! Doesn’t sound like you’d miss her much!

Huh? Where am I slagging her off?
Unfortunately she seems caught up in a catch-22 situation. She's not very happy here so when she comes up against a problem to do with people here or rules/regs etc here it upsets her, probably more than it should. In turn, she sees it as "this place" and "these people" that are making her life a misery so she hates it even more. She does have a tendency to go off at the deep end as her first resort - which causes more upset and anger on her part. When I said I was going to apply for citizenship in this country she called me a traitor (not seriously). i asked if she would consider gaining citizenship here and she said "No way. I don't want to be one of THEM."
I don't think i'm slagging her off to mention this here as I think it's very much part of her problems and unhappiness.
I said in my post that i miss her.

HighSpecWhistle she hasn't replied to the other friends latest message, but she hasn't blocked her. Maybe she has blocked other friends too, but I'm wondering why me and not the other friend.
She said it's not personal over two months ago. She only blocked me within the last weeks or two.

OP’s posts: |
Bettysnow Mon 25-Jan-21 00:58:48

I personally wouldn't bother trying to contact her at all. Shes not bothering herself wondering how you are and appears to thrive on drama. Do yourself a favour make new friends and leave her to it

spongedog Mon 25-Jan-21 01:03:57

I would be kind.

Perhaps send (through physical mail) a short note to ask how she is doing. Give your up to date contact details.

Living in another country can be very draining if support network is mostly elsewhere.

Shaniac Mon 25-Jan-21 01:11:33

In fairness she seems consistent, telling you and mutual friends the same thing that shez going through something and wants to be left alone for a while. You dont seem to have respected that and have contacted her multiple times since she told you she wanted to step back. I know you mean welo but the multiple messages and calling her is most likely why shes blocked you. Leave her alone and see if she comes back.

TravelDreamLife Mon 25-Jan-21 01:12:53

Acknowledge to yourself it's upsetting, then move on.

I've a 'friend' I hadn't spoken to in a while unfriend me. I can see her profile & she's still got MY friends (not RL friends with her, only spoke to her at our parties) showing as mutual friends on FB. Surprisingly, THAT is what pisses me off. I knew she wasn't very nice behind my/other people's backs so I'm much better off. A bit petty if her really, since I could still search for her profile & see everything if inclined.

Pipandmum Mon 25-Jan-21 01:17:38

I'd leave it. You've reached out to her several times so now it is up to her to re-establish contact. Hopefully she will once she has got over whatever it is.

Blackbelt Mon 25-Jan-21 01:21:59

Shaniac

In fairness she seems consistent, telling you and mutual friends the same thing that shez going through something and wants to be left alone for a while. You dont seem to have respected that and have contacted her multiple times since she told you she wanted to step back. I know you mean welo but the multiple messages and calling her is most likely why shes blocked you. Leave her alone and see if she comes back.

I agree with this. Looking at it from her point of view, although your intentions are clearly kind, she wants to be left alone and you kept on, I wouldn’t send a letter because you’re making it about your feelings.
She clearly is going through a hard time and if she needed you then she would contact.

I stopped talking to a friend because she didn’t listen and respect my wishes about a tough situation and made it about her and how she felt. Didn’t have the headspace to deal with that!

Leave her to it, her problems are bigger than your hurt xx

grapewine Mon 25-Jan-21 01:26:24

In november she had to have some follow up tests done and i wished her well and told her to let me know how she got on. I didn't hear back from her so i sent a message asking if she was ok. No reply so i tried calling and left a voicemail. Not long after she sent me a message saying not to take it personally but she'd had enough of everything so she was stepping away from social media and people for a while. She ended her message with "take care" and i replied "you too x" Shortly before Christmas i sent her a message just saying i hoped she was doing ok. Although I'd seen her online on FB, and also sharing a post, that message always says it was unread.

She has told you she's had enough of SM and people and is stepping away. You meant well but didn't really respect her wanting no contact. Respect it now by letting her come to you, if she wants, later. Then you can decide if she still fits with your life.

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