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Should i be worried about paying for boyfriends house

(303 Posts)
Centaurpede Sun 24-Jan-21 15:05:14

So, I live with my boyfriend in his house, we are planning to move into our own one in a few years. He wants to do up this house and wants to share costs of doing that. I have enough to share costs comfortably but I would rather keep the money for new house which would actually be mine too. Aibu? Or should I set a limit on how much I will spend on this one?

OP’s posts: |
AnathemaPulsifer Sun 24-Jan-21 15:07:17

If it’s his house you shouldn’t be contributing to doing it up. If he dumps you next year your money would be lost.

Outwithreason Sun 24-Jan-21 15:08:32

Why would you spend any money doing up his house? You would be just increasing the value of his investment.

MiniCooperLover Sun 24-Jan-21 15:08:54

What are we talking? He wants you to go halves on a few tins of paint OR he wants you to go halves on a new extension and kitchen??

Lovethewater Sun 24-Jan-21 15:09:00

I don't think this is a wise plan. Keep your savings for your future joint property

PlanDeRaccordement Sun 24-Jan-21 15:09:34

Only if he agrees to give you your money back plus interest when he sells his house. Because that money will increase the value of his house, which will then increase his deposit on new house.

Oreservoir Sun 24-Jan-21 15:10:29

No don't contribute to any major refurbishment.
Perhaps buy some furniture which you can take if necessary.

Centaurpede Sun 24-Jan-21 15:11:05

Minicooper, big things like kitchen etc

Logically I agree with most of you it doesn't seem wise, but I'm not intending on splitting up with him so I'm worried it makes me seem cold hearted and tight..

OP’s posts: |
SarahBellam Sun 24-Jan-21 15:11:07

Do you pay him rent? If so, then your rent is your contribution. I wouldn’t be expecting to pay for improvements to a house that isn’t mine. If you, for example, went halves on a £15k kitchen and then he dumped you, you’d be down £7.5k and unless you had a written agreement you’d get your money back in the event of a split, that money would be gone.

EveryoneRevealsThemselves Sun 24-Jan-21 15:11:15

Hell no. Why would you financially contribute to a house you have no legal stake in?

ThatVeganFeminist Sun 24-Jan-21 15:12:01

Nope. You keep saving towards your deposit for the shared house and when he sells his you go in together and draw up a contract to protect your respective deposits.

ThatVeganFeminist Sun 24-Jan-21 15:12:44


Minicooper, big things like kitchen etc

Logically I agree with most of you it doesn't seem wise, but I'm not intending on splitting up with him so I'm worried it makes me seem cold hearted and tight..

Don't give him your money because you don't want to seem mean. If he doesn't get why you shouldn't then you shouldn't move in with him let alone buy a property

AnyFucker Sun 24-Jan-21 15:13:01

Wise up, lady. And quick.

Somanysocks Sun 24-Jan-21 15:13:45

Not unless you're married first.

TeachesOfPeaches Sun 24-Jan-21 15:14:20

Absolutely not!!! You could break up tomorrow and you would lose all of your money

GloriousGoosebumps Sun 24-Jan-21 15:14:36

Why can't he pay for his own kitchen?

MoveOnTheCards Sun 24-Jan-21 15:16:21

Keep your money to invest in your house, not his. If it goes tits-up and you split you’ve lost your investment (while he benefits from it still). I know it’s not nice to think of a relationship not lasting but you never know what might happen in the future. Save the 50/50 splitting things for when it’s a joint investment from the beginning.

Ikora Sun 24-Jan-21 15:16:31

Do not be naive, sharing household bills like utilities is fine and you should contribute.

I don’t think anyone gets together with the intention of splitting up.

Ileflottante Sun 24-Jan-21 15:16:54

If you’re worried he’ll break up with you for not pouring your own money into his house, then all the more reason not to.

I know someone who got an inheritance and used it to build an incredible stable block at her boyfriend’s family home, where she lived. Naturally it ended and she lost everything. But her boyfriend and his mum have a beautiful brick block of stables, adding ££ to their house. Madness. Don’t do it.

DareIask Sun 24-Jan-21 15:17:24

You could always halve all the bills, and pay the going rate in rent?

ellenleaves Sun 24-Jan-21 15:18:17

Same question as another poster, do you pay rent? I paid rent to my now husband before we were engaged and so house costs were all his.

If you pay a decent rent then no you shouldn't contribute more. If you don't then paying some towards would be the right thing to do in my opinion.

Ileflottante Sun 24-Jan-21 15:18:24

Also don’t be daft, no one intends on breaking up with someone in the beginning. But things change. And if he winds up breaking up with you or doing something you can’t live with, your money has gone into his pocket.

Chloemol Sun 24-Jan-21 15:19:41

I would only contribute to big ticket things if he put me on the mortgage and registered the house on both names

Otherwise I would be saving for a joint house and let him fork out for repairs on this one

Thepilotlightsgoneout Sun 24-Jan-21 15:19:44

Depends if the money from the sale of his house is put towards the new one as joint or as his share. If only his share, then absolutely not.

Indecisive12 Sun 24-Jan-21 15:21:50

Ask to be put on the deeds so that you’re contribution is protected if you want to contribute. It’s not about seeming cold hearted it’s about being sensible and he should realise that.

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