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Blast from the past causing distress(63 Posts)
I have a situation where someone wronged my family, about 10 years ago. A childminder was not looking after my son properly but when I complained to Ofsted UK, nothing was done about it. In fact she tried to threaten me with legal action for not paying the rest of the month when I took my son out her care, but I wrote a letter to the legal team and never heard anything again. I had a hectic life and so left it there (single mum, 3 young children studying fu-time, no family support). Years later brings us to today, where I saw her on a local neighbourhood social media site, seeing that she had moved in to my area. I left a comment to say that I was upset to see she had moved to my area and that she should be ashamed of the way she behaved back then. People rushed to her defence, said I was really mean and that they will be calling the police. I feel so hurt that she got away with it then, and even now people want to defend her, knowing nothing of the situation.
Was I wrong to say something online? Should I just have forgiven and moved on? I reacted in the moment but everything I said was true. It's so painful to know she has gotten away with this, refuses to even apologise and yet people accuse me of being mean. I have nothing to gain.
I’m in one of those neighbourhood groups and the amount of people airing their dirty laundry publicly is astounding! Obviously, we have no knowledge of what she did, but W hy didn’t you just ignore her like the adult you’re supposed to be? You’ve gained nothing, other than possibly making yourself look unhinged to people who have no knowledge of either the situation, or either of you.
Yes of course YABU
You should've scrolled past. What on earth did you think you might gain from badmouthing her?
I can't say the police will be interested but you might find yourself being sued for libel if you carry on.
What did you expect to happen, really?
How do you know she hasn't learned from her mistake? I bet she was as "distressed" to see you as you were to see her. Why grind an axe 10 years later? I mean, are we talking "she gave my child blackberry jam and he only likes strawberry" or "she let my child play in traffic"?
You can’t tell someone where to live!
What did she do btw (nosy)?
She left my son in the same nappy all day on a regular basis. She insisted she changed them and actually one day I marked it so I could confront them (her and her husband) and they just denied it to my face. When he developed a rash and I questioned what he was eating when he was there, she claimed it was the moisturiser I put in his afro hair. But it was the bursting nappies when I picked him up that I pulled him out his care. Perhaps I have overreacted. I did not see it as airing dirty laundry, so much as saying my truth. But I have appreciated other people's point of view.
I wouldn't carry on I'm not trying to harass anyone.
I don't think you are being unreasonable OP. I'd have wanted to do the same.
That sounds awful OP but again, I'm not sure what you thought was going to happen?
You've publicly accused a childminder of a wrongdoing 10 years ago that you absolutely cannot prove.
I get that you might still be angry, but surely you knew it wasn't a wise move?
Obviously totally unacceptable re The nappies. But you sound un hinged.
Well that’s horrible and I’d have been very upset too. I can understand the need for “revenge” by outing her on SM but the people reading it don’t know what happened so if they know her and think she’s a good person they’ll obviously just see your post as somewhat threatening/nasty. Hopefully you won’t have to see her again. It’s horrible to think of someone being neglectful to your child when you entrusted them in their care. But as long as your son wasn’t affected by it and doesn’t remember just get on with your life knowing you had the forethought to get your son out of her care as soon as you suspected she was a crap childminder!
Thank you @MissMarpleDarling , I appreciate your sentiment.
I don't think I wanted anything to happen, other than her see it. Not exactly revenge lol. I can see now only in hindsight that it was a bit rash of me. So many feelings being brought up I guess. My son is happy, it was a long time ago. @Robbybobtail thank you for the understanding and thoughtful advice
Please go back and delete the post and that will remove all the comments attached. Then never look at her FB entry again.
I completely understand you’re fuming about her past inactions and lack of proper care, you did the right thing when you took your son away from the situation.
@Givestwofigs you totally overreacted, nobody wronged your family. The childminder didn’t change your sons nappy all day and he got nappy rash which although crap isn’t the end of the world. You complained to OFSTED and your complaint wasn’t upheld and you took him out of their care. Problem solved you shouldn’t be dwelling on it 10years later and posting about it on social media.
Wronged your family? Are you in the Mafia or something?
What a childless thing to do! In my opinion you are 100% wrong. I imagine that others reading your post will not think well of YOU, and I would delete it before others can read it too.
I'd be very careful OP about getting yourself embroiled in a defamation claim. Honestly not trying to scare you and truth is a defence, but I wouldn't do anything like that again.
OP, I’ve been in this situation. You have bottled up emotions and end up snapping and posting something to try and let it all out. The problem is that with situations like this, you just can’t win. If you post on their profile, you are posting in their “domain” where all their friends will see it. Unfortunately people always side with their friends instead of looking at things critically (even when evidence is provided). If you had posted on your profile, you would have looked bad too as social media only works well with “positive” things.
As for what to do, you have the options of leaving the post or deleting it. Leaving it will show you are set in your opinions but might seem “unhinged” for posting it out of nowhere. There is also the police aspect. Deleting the post will make the drama go away but can seem like you wavered in whether you truly believed this, also making you seem “unhinged”.
My advice would be to delete it as it doesn’t sound like you have evidence to support what happened unfortunately. I would also advise blocking her and her friends so you don’t interact again, then deactivating your account for a bit. You might also consider writing down your feelings and maybe talking to someone about it as it sounds like they are still causing you pain.
Sorry OP, I'm in agreement with other posters on here, you really do need to move on from this.
Wronged your family? Are you in the Mafia or something?
I read that and thought is the op Carmela Soprano?
I imagined that it was some case of horrific physical or sexual abuse of a child that the woman had got away with and you'd be confronted with it daily, not a shitty bloody nappy from ten years ago.
leaving a helpless child in the same dirty nappy all day is disgusting and cruel... and to bare face lie about it ... is just vile
you can guarantee .... She'll still be doing this OP 🌺
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