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Family think I'm hiding a lottery win

(389 Posts)
lordofthemings Sat 23-Jan-21 18:47:50

I appreciate that this is a bit of an odd one.

My family struggled financially when I was young - trouble paying rent, lots of debt etc. I was always hyper-aware of money and our lack of it - how I didn't have the clothes, tech or holidays my friends did. I used to feel very stressed listening to my parents panic about paying the rent and having people banging on the door.

Over the past ten years, I've worked my way up in my industry and now make six figures. My job is very full on, mentally draining and requires very long hours. Financial stability for me and my immediate family has always been of paramount importance to me (probably due to my financially unstable background), so I've been happy to trade off the life part of the work-life balance in order to feel secure, with the intention of moving into a less stressful role once I'm there.

Over the last few years, I've paid off all of my debts, mortgage and student loans. I've also bought a new car and a house for my parents who previously rented and struggled to pay. It should be noted that both mine and my parents houses are small terraces worth under £100K. The car was second hand (£5000). I'm not interested in or aiming for anything fancy - I just want to feel secure. I've also been able to take us on holidays abroad, which we never did, and weekend trips (not in lockdown, obviously).

Now the problem.

My large extended family (mainly uncles and cousins) are aware of some/most of the above as my DM tells everyone everything - it's natural to her.

They know I've got a professional job, but don't know my salary (I've never shared it with anyone - even (especially) DM - as I know I'd immediately be asked to lend money). This has somehow resulted in me being accused of hiding a lottery win.

Now they have all stopped calling me and my parents who are 'in on it' as I haven't shared my winnings. In the few conversations we have had, they've said things like 'you didn't need to give anything to me, but you could have given some to [their DC] for uni/a deposit/etc.' So now I'm an evil aunt too and my nephews and nieces aren't talking to me.

I considered at one point just sending them money, but I don't actually have much in savings - it all went on paying off the houses/debts. The next year will be spent paying off the mortgage on my parents house and then I'll step into a less stressful (but also less well paid) role so I won't have money to give them then either.

AIBU to have no idea how to deal with this!?

OP’s posts: |
OrangeSlices998 Sat 23-Jan-21 18:49:45

Ignore, they sound grabby. Your money, you’re entitled to do what you want with it! I’d just reiterate you didn’t have a lottery win, and leave it at that.

Royalbloo Sat 23-Jan-21 18:50:00

How do they not know what you do?!

Royalbloo Sat 23-Jan-21 18:50:17

But basically what Orange said!

AStudyinPink Sat 23-Jan-21 18:50:42

Tell them to stop being so bloody cheeky and stay out of your finances.

Ickiness Sat 23-Jan-21 18:50:58

Tell them all to piss off! None of their business even if u had won the lottery!!
Greedy bastards , clearly only interested in money if they’ve stopped speaking to you
Shown their true colours havent they 🤷‍♀️

Tumblebugsjump Sat 23-Jan-21 18:52:07

Wow, just wow! What incredible entitled and bizarre way to behave. I have no advice, just wanted to say well done on your career. Perhaps your mum can deal with it as she's been the one to reveal a bit too much? I can't quite believe your extended family have jumped to this conclusion. I'd be livid with them!

lordofthemings Sat 23-Jan-21 18:52:12

Note - I know 'aunt/nephew/niece' aren't the correct technical terms for children of cousins but that's how we've always referred to each other for some reason.

OP’s posts: |
Michaelbaubles Sat 23-Jan-21 18:52:17

It’s easy not to know what people do - I have no idea what jobs most of my cousins do apart from the very basics and even my DB’s job is a bit of a mystery to me (it’s like when they try to guess Chandler’s job - job titles all sound like gibberish to me!)

Hotcuppatea Sat 23-Jan-21 18:52:39

Wow. They sound awful. What good things do they bring to your life?

lordofthemings Sat 23-Jan-21 18:53:06

I do feel like saying 'do one!' But that would make things worse.

OP’s posts: |
Darbs76 Sat 23-Jan-21 18:53:07

I’d ignore them all, how rude.

Blueuggboots Sat 23-Jan-21 18:53:12

Who the hell do they think they are?? I'd ignore them. How rude.

Beldon Sat 23-Jan-21 18:53:49

Even if you did win the lottery then that bunch of money grabbing idiots wouldn’t deserve any. They are the type to be first at a deceased relatives house to pay respects and ‘take something to remember them by’ like a 50” tv.

Loushome Sat 23-Jan-21 18:53:49

Situations like this always bring out the best or worst in people.

They’re making assumptions and that was their decision.

Don’t do anything.

Hoppinggreen Sat 23-Jan-21 18:54:03

Ignore the grabby feckers

Cam2020 Sat 23-Jan-21 18:54:36

They sound like ridiculous people so are so terrible with money and wrapped up in a victim complex, they don't even comprehend the concept of working hard and being sensible on life. Doesn't sound like much of a loss to me - sorry! You've clearly worked hard and made sacrifices to get where you are and what you have. Leave them to it.

Whatatune Sat 23-Jan-21 18:54:50

They know you work in a professional job but think you've won the lottery in an amount significant enough to help their children (multiple) with house deposits and uni? Why would you still work? Why wouldn't you buy a car worth more than 5k if you're a millionaire?

Alternatively they think you've won a modest amount so still have to work but think you've got enough left after paying off debts, buying two houses and a car to pay for their kids uni and house deposits?

They sound dim, rude, nasty, greedy and dim again. I'd deal with it by cutting them out.

AluckyEllie Sat 23-Jan-21 18:54:56

As above. So, they aren’t speaking to you because they think you’ve had a lottery win and not given them any. They think they are entitled to your money. If that’s the only reason they stay in touch with you- good riddance!! I’d ignore it, hard as it is. They’ll probably get over the strop soon, and if they don’t...were you very close?
Sorry for you though, you sound like you’ve been disciplined and hard working- and what an amazing thing to go for your parents!!

LadyDique Sat 23-Jan-21 18:55:27

In the few conversations we have had, they've said things like 'you didn't need to give anything to me, but you could have given some to [their DC] for uni/a deposit/etc

I don't understand this at all and think you must be laying it on a bit thick op.

This type of comment would be so easy to shut down by telling them you haven't had any lottery win and do they really think you'd still be living in a small terraced house if you had?! Hahaha etc.

warmandtoasty2day Sat 23-Jan-21 18:56:21

heck, and my mil bangs on about blood being thicker than water, er, no love, in many cases it isn't and esp.in your family.

KitKat1985 Sat 23-Jan-21 18:56:30

Firstly ask your Mum to stop telling your entire extended family about what you are spending your money on, as it's creating awkwardness for you and it's no-one else's business.

Secondly even if you did have a lottery win, it would still be your money to spend as you want. Your extended family sound like they want your money and not much else. From now on say 'I'd rather not talk about money' if the subject comes up, and don't engage with their emotional blackmail.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Sat 23-Jan-21 18:56:35

It sounds emotional blackmail to me.

The only caveat I will put on that is that people tend to judge high earner by their own salary. So my family who earn £30k assume I earn £60k+ as they know I am a high earner. In fact I earn 6 figures. So their concept of a high earner won’t explain how you can afford what you afford. Hence the mythical lottery win.

Sparklesocks Sat 23-Jan-21 18:56:51

It’s none of their business. Don’t send them money just because it’s expected. It’s very manipulative not to speak to you to guilt you into giving them cash.

I know it sounds awful as it’s your family but they’ve treated you really poorly, I wouldn’t be rushing around trying to win them over - if anything I’d think about cutting contact. It’s a shame money complicates things in families but stopping calls to you because of it is just shitty behaviour.

SuperSange Sat 23-Jan-21 18:56:54

I wouldn't say a thing to them. Literally, nothing. It's not their business so doesn't warrant a response.

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