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To think he should pay more board?

(202 Posts)
FlamedToACrisp Wed 20-Jan-21 18:45:31

My DH's son lives with us. He moved in 4 years ago, and lives on benefits due to MH problems. It is not expected that he will move out for several more years.

We all agreed it would be fair if he contributed £50 a week towards his board. Later he wanted more storage, so we bought a shed for £689 - he pays £5 a week to rent it, but we own it. Other than that, he has not increased the amount he contributes. He has had an increase in his benefits, but it was for increased needs, not a cost-of-living increase AFAIK.

If you have a relative living with you, how often would you expect them to increase the amount they pay - if ever?

How much do yours pay?

WIBU to ask for an increase, basically?

OP’s posts: |
spanieleyes Wed 20-Jan-21 18:48:00

Surely it depends on how much he receives in benefit?

StylishMummy Wed 20-Jan-21 18:48:03

It doesn't sound like this is a sustainable arrangement as you sound quite resentful (not being unkind, it must be tough!)

I think £50 a week from the limited income of benefits is reasonable depending on whether he buys his own food?

Mamamia456 Wed 20-Jan-21 18:48:09

How much does he get in benefits à week ?

truetuesdays Wed 20-Jan-21 18:48:42

He pays to rent space in a shed?

Hwory Wed 20-Jan-21 18:48:56

I think £55 per week from someone who receives sickness benefits is a fair amount.

And I wouldn't be looking to grab some from his PIP or ESA added element.

Shmithecat2 Wed 20-Jan-21 18:49:40

What does your DH say?

VinylDetective Wed 20-Jan-21 18:51:04


He pays to rent space in a shed?

It was bought especially for him so why not?

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup Wed 20-Jan-21 18:51:21

Can you change it to be a percentage of his income. So rather than a set £50 it's 15% or whatever. That way if he gets more money the actual amount goes up because the percentage stays the same?

I'd discuss it with your DH though as it's his son so it needs both of you on board.

Aside: what does he own that requires a whole shed?!?

NotCornflakes Wed 20-Jan-21 18:52:00

£50 a week is a lot given he's on benefits. Are there increasing costs you need to cover?

Mrsmadevans Wed 20-Jan-21 18:54:17

Is this a reverse OP?

HorseOfPhillipMoss Wed 20-Jan-21 18:54:49

A shed needn't have cost nearly £700 that was your choice, £55 a week, £220-£275 a month from ill health benefits is quite a bit , it does seem that you resent him.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup Wed 20-Jan-21 18:54:57

Saying that, I've just reread and realised that his money increased due to increased needs, so I wouldn't be looking to up his contribution if the extra benefit is to help pay for eg disability aids or whatever.

Newwayofthinking Wed 20-Jan-21 18:55:19

20% of what he gets

FlamedToACrisp Wed 20-Jan-21 18:55:53

By the time we are able to use the shed ourselves, it will be about 6 or 7 years old - effectively, we are lending him the money to buy a shed, but we retain ownership. Not only that, but the space it takes up in our garden is space we have paid for and can't use. I don't see that we've been unfair. If it needs repairing or wood treatment, we pay for that too.

OP’s posts: |
HorseOfPhillipMoss Wed 20-Jan-21 18:58:35

But you didn't need to buy a £700 shed

FlamedToACrisp Wed 20-Jan-21 19:00:52

He has no physical disabilities. The money is because he can't cope with going out. At present, he is repaying a debt at £50 a month, saving £40 and paying for driving lessons. The rest he spends on snacks, DVDs, computer games and collectible toys (not judging, but that's what makes life bearable).

OP’s posts: |
Buzzer3555 Wed 20-Jan-21 19:01:11

Actually I think you are being a bit tight. What does dh say?

DelphiniumBlue Wed 20-Jan-21 19:02:53

I've got adult sons living at home, and depending on what and how much he eats, £50 would cover food and toiletries, and a contribution ( not much of one) towards bills.

My other son rents a flat, his bills come to about £200 pm on top of rent, maybe more if you include council tax. That doesn't include food. If you include utilities, broadband, increased energy bills because he's at home all day, along with food, then I reckon £50 is nowhere near enough. If you have to pay rent as well, then that should really be reflected in his contribution.
It really depends whether you are happy to subsidise him or whether you want him to pay a proper share of the household expenses.

Gliblet Wed 20-Jan-21 19:03:11

It would be more reasonable (and helpful for him tbh) to be looking at this in terms of what he has coming in, what that can be divided into (room and board, personal care, spending money, savings for example) and work towards getting him budgeting and considering how he uses his money if he's ever going to move out.

You agreed on a fair amount when he moved in - what's changed about your income/outgoing balance that's prompted the thread?

TheUndoingProject Wed 20-Jan-21 19:03:53

If my adult son was struggling with MH problems and living on benefits, I’d feel £50 a week was quite a lot to be charging him I think.

I think the bigger issue is that you seem to feel resentful of the arrangement. Can you re-evaluate whether the arrangement is working?

peboh Wed 20-Jan-21 19:04:03

I think the amount he pays is reasonable considering he's on benefits. You've mentioned that he's had an increase, but that's due to needs based not living costs so obviously he needs is for other things based on why he was given the extra so I don't think it's reasonable to request more.
What does you dh say?

NotCornflakes Wed 20-Jan-21 19:04:51

How old is he? Guessing early 20s, in which case I would give him a break as he is saving and paying for driving lessons.

imalmosthere Wed 20-Jan-21 19:07:44

£220 a month when on benefits is more than reasonable. You sound very resentful of him living with you. The shed is ridiculous. If you didn't want to buy it you shouldn't have. Moaning about the room it takes up is petty.

Heybeendyingtomeetyou Wed 20-Jan-21 19:08:18

Not only that, but the space it takes up in our garden is space we have paid for and can't use

that sounds really petty.

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