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Would you tell her your still sleeping together?

(50 Posts)
Justneedadvice636465 Tue 19-Jan-21 04:09:14

My friend has an ex who she recently split with but they said they would work on their relationship they have two children together. They have been sleeping together still but she has now found out he is 'seeing' someone else and she wants to tell the ow he's been lying to them both. I have said maybe don't act on impulse but she is adamant she is going to tell her. Is she wrong? Would you want to know?

OP’s posts: |
KellyJonesLeatherTrousers Tue 19-Jan-21 04:22:09

I’d be too busy dumping him to worry about the OW, she’s focusing on the wrong thing!

Loner1 Tue 19-Jan-21 04:22:34

My ex cheated on me then left for another woman, carried on sleeping with me though.

I told her and it didn't go down well, she made out I was lying and just a crazy ex, said awful things about me online. She did message me when he left her after a month apologizing though. If I had a do over, I'd still tell her. I'd definitely like to know myself.

BlueThistles Tue 19-Jan-21 04:23:56

Yip.. I agree.. OW won't believe her and will accuse her of jealousy 🌺

Offskki Tue 19-Jan-21 04:26:56

I don’t think the other woman is an OW.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants Tue 19-Jan-21 04:43:20

I'd totally finish with him, then tell her that he wasn't, but he is now, single IF she still wants the cheating, lying prick.

FortunesFave Tue 19-Jan-21 05:12:07

I would not bother. I'd ask her to think carefully about why she wants to tell the OW. Is it because she hopes she'll dump the man and then she can keep him for herself?
Why would she want him?

If she doesn't want him then leave him to his mess. Walk away with dignity.

whatsthepointinwasps Tue 19-Jan-21 05:34:16

When you say they wanted to work on the relationship does that mean they hoped to get back together?
Can’t see that happening now if that’s the case.
Best to distance, remaining civil conversation and giving the kids as much as a united supportive base as they can given the circumstances.
As for the OW your friend should put her energy into sorting out her own head and being nurturing to her children and let OW deal with her mess herself

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 19-Jan-21 05:45:08

He really does want his cake and to eat it. He doesn’t sound truly committed to working on the relationship, does he? It would be best for your friend to tell him to swing his hook and find her dignity rather than get involved in the relationship with his girlfriend... and from her POV, she is this. Ergo from her POV she would see him sleeping with his wife as cheating. Very messy.

yvanka Tue 19-Jan-21 05:47:18

As there are kids involved I wouldn't. Better to not sour relations with him if possible.

Justneedadvice636465 Tue 19-Jan-21 05:47:39

On one hand I see where she is coming from and understand her anger and hurt but on the other hand it won't achieve anything and makes things very messy. She's a mess at the moment and I just don't know what I can do for her. She would take him back I think if he said so.

OP’s posts: |
Justneedadvice636465 Tue 19-Jan-21 06:41:05

It's too late she already messaged her 🙈

OP’s posts: |
FippertyGibbett Tue 19-Jan-21 06:55:00

She’s a fool for taking him back, and she’s a fool for sleeping with him when he’s banging someone else.
I hope she’s booked in for an STI check.

CuriousaboutSamphire Tue 19-Jan-21 06:58:03

Remind her that, in this cse She is the OW!

They split. He has a new girlfriend. Your mate is his safety blanket!

She's going to regret that text, in more ways than one. Mostly in the repercussions when dealing with their kids!

speakout Tue 19-Jan-21 06:58:27

OP I would stay out of it.

CherryRoulade Tue 19-Jan-21 07:00:32

If they are still sleeping together, then he’s not an ex. Therein lies the root of all problems.

AlternativePerspective Tue 19-Jan-21 07:02:49

Your friend is the OW though. She and the ex had split. That doesn’t make what he’s doing right but the woman he’s seeing isn’t an OW.

BubblyBarbara Tue 19-Jan-21 07:03:18

How is he an ex if they're sleeping together and working on their relationship? That is not what "split" means.

SarahAndQuack Tue 19-Jan-21 07:26:01

I definitely think stay out of it, but one thing I would say is that I've seen an awful lot of people differ in their definition of what's happening at the end of a relationship.

Could be she has told herself 'we're working on the relationship' and this means 'we may get back together' and he's told himself 'we've split for definite, but we'll try to be civil for the kids'.

Or could be he's just a dick and she'd be better off without.

Not the other woman's fault, though.

Frownette Tue 19-Jan-21 07:26:02

Has she stopped sleeping with him since she found out? How did she find out? There is not a chance on earth I would want someone who was sleeping with someone else, children or not.

SchadenfreudePersonified Tue 19-Jan-21 07:29:10


I’d be too busy dumping him to worry about the OW, she’s focusing on the wrong thing!

Same here.

She should let them get on with it and move on.

Justneedadvice636465 Tue 19-Jan-21 07:31:01

They were definitely working on the relationship I saw the messages he sent saying that he still wanted to be with her and they should use that time during 'the split' to work on themselves for the relationship.

She already regrets the message but it's done now and I dare say it will blow up. I will try and support her but I definitely won't be getting involved at all.

She found out yesterday about the ow and they last slept together on Sunday. Its definitely a mess but she was truly under the impression that they were working on their relationship so she is just broken about it

OP’s posts: |
rwalker Tue 19-Jan-21 07:31:46

It won't end well but they aren't together he can shag who he wants

Justneedadvice636465 Tue 19-Jan-21 07:32:22

She just showed me the message she sent it wasn't rude or blaming the ow she just said she thought it was best she knew as she didn't know what he had been telling her.

OP’s posts: |
Frownette Tue 19-Jan-21 07:34:20

How long has he been with the OW? Well, he certainly sounds like a specimen.

Must be a huge shock to your friend.

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