Do I just leave grandson with his mum?

[Oilyvoir]

I have a Child Arrangement Order with residency for my grandson (5). His mum DD still has PR. We are in a support bubble together. GS sees his mum most days. DD is in a volatile relationship with someone who is not GSs dad. I (but not courts) have said GS cannot be at mums house if partner is there. Partner is kind to GS and they have a good relationship but police have been called many times about their volatile relationship - 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. Their 3 year old daughter who lives with DD has spent time in care and currently on CIN plan because of it.

Anyway Friday evening DD assured me partner was not there and it was fine for GS to stay over. I found out the next morning that he had been there with them over night. Today we have all spent the day at DDs home but things are once again rocky with partner. DD has been on edge all day and screamed at GS. I said we would go home but she has refused to let him go. I have come home after an ear bashing. GS wants to be with his mum and wouldn't come with me. I am worried that partner might come over and there will be a scene although it's just as likely he will stay away (which is what is annoying dd). I know this all sounds rather chaotic and the reason we don't have a proper contact arrangement in place is because when I got the Child Arrangement Order, DD was living with me.

So what can I do?

[LunaLula83]

Do you have a point of contact? Social worker? That's your first point of call.

[Theunamedcat]

If you believe the child to be at risk you enforce the order it is there for a reason

[bungleZippy12]

You might want to get this moved over to legal matters.

If you have a court order which specifies that your grandson lives with you, call police abs tell them that she is refusing to hand him back.
This is really your first point of call on a Sunday.

[Oilyvoir]

I've just called out of hours and they've told me to wait until the morning and contact the day team - nice bit of passing the book. I guess I'm really wanting to know if the police would do anything as DD has PR even though I have residency.

[bungleZippy12]

*and not abs. Darn phone.
If you don’t have a CAO which specifies he lives with you, you will need to make an urgent application to court first thing Monday. In the meantime, i would ask that this post is moved to legal matters so you get the advice you need.

[sadandstressedout]

Can your dd stay with you again

[bungleZippy12]

Yes they will if you have an order specifying he lives with you. Clearly he’s at risk if your DD partner is over at her home.

I would call 101 and speak to them regardless.

[Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst]

Op
Phone the police and tell them you have serious safeguarding concerns and that you will meet them there, what time is good
If they fob you off ask for an incident number and say your disappointed with this and will be escalating it

Hopefully that will work

Your daughter needs to get rid of that waste of space it's a shame even a CIN plan hasn't given her the wake up call but hopefully it won't take a major incident to make her realise.

It would also be worth speaking to women's aid and getting her some support maybe she's frightened to leave him they have good counselling services

I'm so sorry you have this to deal with x

[FoxyTheFox]

What @Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst said.

Then tomorrow make an emergency (same day) application to the court to have your CAO updated to state that your grandson cannot stay over when her partner is there (or possibly at all if she is going to refuse to return him?)

[Oilyvoir]

Yes I have residency. Partner is a waste of space but DD is very volatile too (I adopted her from the care system when she was 7). They are both as bad as each other. GS will probably be fine but given the mood dd was in today, if partner does come over - it will be very loud with 2 children watching on - I can't do much about granddaughter but grandson I have PR and residency for.

[Christmasfairy2020]

He is likely to harm your gs as it isn't his child and most likely won't harm his dd. I'd ring her and ask if you can come now and pick him up. Failing her saying no paxk your bag and go sleep there. Your gs needs you and if you cannot keep him safe then he could end up in care!

[AintPageantMaterial]

I wish there were more people like you in this world. You sound strong and brave and committed to helping however you can. Your compassion for your daughter shows, as does your realistic-sounding conclusion that she is not the best person to care for her children right now. I find this sort of love inspiring. I hope your daughter and grandchildren will too, in time.

[Oilyvoir]

I called 101 and the operator looked at the file and said 'We will send someone round and bring him home.' So just waiting for him to be dropped off now.

[Oilyvoir]

I think he might enjoy a ride in a police car!

[LastRoloIsMine]

Why is GS on a CIN plan but not the younger DD?

[Knitwit99]

Well done @Oilyvoir
You are doing the right thing for your family, even if it feels hard.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

That’s good OP. You’re doing the right thing and your grandson is very lucky to have you looking after him

[percypetulant]

Hope GS is home soon. What's happening with the 3 year old? Are they safe?

Don't you also have PR, if you have a CAO giving you residence? You sound very pragmatic and sensible.

[MeridianB]

Aaah, OP, how worrying for you.

You have done the right thing. The children must come first.

[Oilyvoir]

It's younger DD on CIN plan - GSs case was closed when I was granted CAO with residency 3 years ago. He's lived with me all of his life as DD was living here when GS was born.

[nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut]

You're doing the right thing and what you have to remember is that you were given residency to safeguard him. If you didn't call police to retrieve him and this was found out, he would be taken from you as you would be judged either unwilling or unable to protect him.

[Oilyvoir]

I do have PR but so does mum. I didn't want a Special Guardian Order as DD was very young when she had GS and an SGO is too final. If I had An SGO mum wouldn't have PR

[LickEmbysmiling]

Well done op what an appalling and sad situation. I grew up around violent scary angry adults, obviously terrifying, BUT they were my family and loved ME and definitely wouldn't have hurt me.
I can't imagine being around adults who might have.

[LastRoloIsMine]

You sound amazing!!

I really don't think your DD is worthy of having PR I am sorry.
She is clearly not making good choices with her children's safety and needs been the important factor.
If she cannot care for them now at their most needy and vulnerable she never will.
I fear for the little girl left with her I am sure you do too.

[Ponoka7]

I'm glad you've taken the action that you have. Your GS was at risk of harm. You failed to prevent the risk. Had something of happened, you would have been seen to not have safeguarded him. This is how children end up in Foster care.

Do not be swayed by your DD on this. Witnessing DV/DA is emotional harm and now it is deemed as serious harm. Never leave without him again.