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To be totally pissed off....or am I a drama queen?

(306 Posts)
Ratched Fri 15-Jan-21 16:10:00

It is a 'very' special birthday for me today.
I have a husband, two grown up some and a grand daughter, as well as assorted friends.
I have a father I shop and clean for 2 or 3 times a week. I have a brother I have taken in and supported when his marriage collapsed

At 4 pm, on the day of my special birthday + only call it this as Iakakee no fuss on any other day, I have a bunch of owners with a card from
My friend brought me some personalised gifts which meant a lot, but from my family????
I shop, clean and do all of the admin (sell ing houses, organising dwp payments, cleaners, carers etc c for my dad.
Have given my brother a roof over his head when needed, as well as support.
Have not only subsidised DS to the nth degree, but now also supply child care.
Have supported second DC financially.

I am 60.
No one gives a toss.
I honestly and truly do not care about getting stuff.
Just a phone call saying Happy Birthday.

How ducking dad us my life at this age when I have 2 bloody cards. And one of them is from moonpig. With roses that probably cost a bomb but mean fuck all.
DH tells me it was the best he could do in a pandemic.
I managed to get a unique, thoughtful gift that involved some thought from Etsy for his birthday a couple of weeks ago.
And a card. But that involved making some effort.
I am so deflated.
Busy making dinner, but surely any other husband would've cooking for their wife? Or arranging a takeaway?
I am pissed off beyond belief.

OP’s posts: |
Ratched Fri 15-Jan-21 16:11:31

Sorry for the typos, hope you get the gisthmm

OP’s posts: |
Ratched Fri 15-Jan-21 16:12:51

I am obviously more peed off than I thoughtgrin

OP’s posts: |
readingismycardio Fri 15-Jan-21 16:13:41

Hi, OP!


You are definitely YANBU and i'd discuss it, at least with your DH.

Please order a takeaway, no cooking allowed today!

TheHobbitMum Fri 15-Jan-21 16:15:24

Happy Birthday 🎂

That's really, really shit OP. Forget cooking and order yourself a takeaway (let home cook for himself) and buy yourself something nice (ideally using his card). That's an awful excuse and they should be ashamed, they can organise a gift online and they should've made the effort.

TheGracefulwhale Fri 15-Jan-21 16:15:36

Happy birthday op!
I'm sorry your family seem to have neglected the event. Everyones lives are hard but that is absolutely no excuse to miss your mum's 60th.
If they're working, they may be waiting until later but that's wishful thinking I think.
I would definitely be stopping childcare and things in the future if they can't appreciate you the one day of the year thats designated to you.
Oh and stop cooking, sit down and order a take away later!

sunshinesupermum Fri 15-Jan-21 16:16:03

Happy birthday!!! Things can only get better after this flowers [wine} cake

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets Fri 15-Jan-21 16:16:07

Happy Birthday! What a bunch of selfish knobs.

I’d buy myself a takeaway and order some expensive jewellery, have a meltdown at EVERYONE and lock myself in my bedroom to drink all the wine and eat all the food.

DrinkRefilled Fri 15-Jan-21 16:16:18

Yeah when you put it like that that’s bad.
You deserved better. Even for a normal ages birthday never mind a special one.

Well, HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY. Try and make this week special even if you have to do it yourself. Buy yourself a nice gift and have a pamper night.

luxxlisbon Fri 15-Jan-21 16:16:19

Means fuck all? Why are you discounting a card from moonpig?
That seems unnecessary given someone has gone to the effort to send you a card and flowers but it still isn't good enough.

If you are busy making dinner at 4pm surely you've sort of taken away the chance for your husband to make dinner or get in a takeway?

NoSquirrels Fri 15-Jan-21 16:16:24

Oh poor you. Happy birthday flowers cake wine

That’s a piss-poor show. I’d tell them to please reschedule your birthday for next week, when they can all make more of an effort.

RoseFence Fri 15-Jan-21 16:17:02

Happy birthday thanks

DrinkRefilled Fri 15-Jan-21 16:18:20

Who on earth is voting YABU.
Probably the types who have to say “erm there are people dying and you want a nice birthday”

You are defo not BU.
Happy Birthday 🎈

RightOnTheEdge Fri 15-Jan-21 16:18:47

Happy birthday OP! flowers cake
Sorry you have such a thoughtless bunch as your family.

Why are you cooking? Tell your husband to get it done or order yourself a takeaway and put your feet up!

OfficerHops Fri 15-Jan-21 16:19:18

You are right to be pissed off. But why are you making dinner?! If I were you I would go out and get a takeaway just for myself and tell the rest of them to sod off.

DrinkRefilled Fri 15-Jan-21 16:19:26

@luxxlisbon token dementor to suck the joy out of the thread

EvenMoreFuriousVexation Fri 15-Jan-21 16:19:46

I'm not a birthday person really, but that is very poor. ESPECIALLY from your DH when his own was so recent.

I'm sorry, you deserve better.

missrks Fri 15-Jan-21 16:19:48

Happy birthday! You sound like super woman! ❤️ Your family are lucky to have you xxx

TheRaccoon Fri 15-Jan-21 16:20:13

Happy birthday! cake

I would be pissed off too and I think you’re allowed to be.

I would order takeaway, pour a delicious drink, put on one of my favourite films and ignore everyone else.

ChestnutStuffing Fri 15-Jan-21 16:20:30

Do they usually make a fuss at birthdays?

Some people are not really into those kinds of celebrations, where they see the need to make a big deal of it. If they are usually like that, they may not see much difference for a particular year..

Wearywithteens Fri 15-Jan-21 16:21:03

The trouble is women tend to suck it up and sulk for a bit as it would be churlish to kick off over something so trivial - BUT it is hurtful and I do think throwing a bit of a pointed out-of-character tantrum now and then doesn’t do the family any harm snd can shock them out of complacency. They to know that you may be tough and capable and everyone’s PA but you deserve a bit of tlc now and again too.

I would order a huge takeaway for one and sit and selfishly enjoy it with a bottle of whatever - and ignore everyone. You can be mature and sensible tomorrow but they need to know how much they’ve hurt you with their half arsed efforts (or lack thereof!

BrowncoatWaffles Fri 15-Jan-21 16:21:30

Stop cooking. Order your own takeaway. Open some wine (champagne if you're organised enough to have some around).


Happy birthday

Blahblahblah99 Fri 15-Jan-21 16:22:50

Put the cooking pan down - whatever you have started can probably be resumed tomorrow. Grab your favourite tipple and sit on the sofa and tell the OH to order in!

Rescue your birthday and have a lovely evening.

Happy birthday OP x

Blahblahblah99 Fri 15-Jan-21 16:23:23


Stop cooking. Order your own takeaway. Open some wine (champagne if you're organised enough to have some around).


Happy birthday

Ha ha great minds think alike smile

Santaiscovidfree Fri 15-Jan-21 16:23:30

Speak up op. Loudly. The first birthday I was with dh we did nothing.. I vacuumed furiously all morning!! Then i vented!! The evening was a lovely occasion!. When you have a busy life - and give much to others - it isn't being high maintenance to expect a fuss imo.
We got married on my birthday - I now expect double efforts!! I feel no shame either..
Happy Birthday op...

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