AIBU husband signing up for London marathon.

[Christmaspanic24]

He just informed me tonight and I'm really annoyed. We have 3 small children, both work busy jobs and we have been doing an all consuming house renovation. I literally feel like we never have a moment to spare and that we barely manage to stay on top of life. He isn't a runner. He might run once a month at that. We have no family nearby, no extra childcare or support. When he talked about the London marathon a few weeks ago, I told him I didn't think it was a good idea at this point in our lives because of how hard he would have to train and that would mean more time away from us as a family. He already works long hours, so that leaves me on my own with 3 kids. Then he just informs me he's signed up and he thought I'd be more supportive. So angry. We were supposed to be decorating the Christmas tree and now we've had a row.

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off about this?

[LadyTiredWinterBottom2]

Is this a guaranteed place?

He has got a heck of a lot of training to do so YANBU. He might get injured or give up. Many do.

[IEat]

I think yabu. It's something to look forward to. Are you annoyed because he won't be around do much, not look after the kids. If you moan at him he'll dig his heels in. Maybe it'll die a death. Maybe he'll finish the course. Support him, see what happens

[Rainbowqueeen]

Tell him you want equal time to do your own hobby. Ask him to draw up a schedule that fits everything in. Then he might see how ridiculous he is being.
There’s a time and a place for everything and it sounds like this is not the right time. Guilt tripping you by saying you should be supportive is really unfair

[ShedFace]

If he’s running once a month he needs to build up to maybe three times a week. Top miles around 20 for a beginner so say a Sunday afternoon plus two midweek runs, one fast, one slowish 10k. It’s not a wild amount of time. Find yourself a hobby, do it on the alternative nights and leave him with the kids and he will soon start appreciating you.

[Clymene]

What a fucking knob jockey. I'd be furious. When you have small children, you don't commit yourself to that amount of free time without discussing it with your partner first. In my experience, running always handily coincides with getting children ready for school or bed. Funny that it's so wildly popular with middle aged men

[GeorginaTheGiant]

All you can do at this point is calmly insist that you get equal leisure time for every minute he spends running. Don’t get angry about it, or decide that you don’t have time to go and do your own thing-literally go and sit in a cafe if you need to. But ensure he is left looking after three kids alone for every minute that you are and if that means the house is a tip or rennovations stall then you need to let that happen. He needs to feel the consequences of his absence or this will happen repeatedly.

[Quartz2208]

the running training to do a marathon is intense I dont think he has any idea (if he isnt a runner) exactly what it means.

DH is a runner and (pre COVID) did 2/3 half marathons a year because they are easy to fit in training for a good runner but a marathon would take time we dont yet have

That and the fact he signed up without discussing or thinking through the impact on you is incredibly selfish

[Christmaspanic24]

Yes, I guess I just felt I would be left on my own every sat and sunday morning looking after the kids while he goes running. I also thought he would be going for runs 2-3 nights a week, again while I have to be stuck at home with the kids. If I insist on taking the equivalent amount of time to do my own hobby or see friends,it means we'll never actually be in the same room at the same time.

[3rdNamechange]

@Rainbowqueeen

Tell him you want equal time to do your own hobby. Ask him to draw up a schedule that fits everything in. Then he might see how ridiculous he is being.
There’s a time and a place for everything and it sounds like this is not the right time. Guilt tripping you by saying you should be supportive is really unfair

Exactly

[Christmaspanic24]

He generally doesn't get home from work until 7pm and when I work neither do I. We are usually out of the house 8am to 7pm so i just dont know when he thinks he will find the time to run.

[Christmaspanic24]

I agree, I don't want to be blamed for him cancelling, so I guess I'll just insist on having exactly the same amount of time to do my own thing.

[madroid]

I'd be furious OP. How very selfish and thoughtless, especially not to consult you first.

Hopefully he'll think it over and realise it won't work at the moment. Something to do when the dc are older and your house is finished.

[ShedFace]

It sounds awful Christmas but that’s what you have to do to make him realise. You are an equal partner, not the default childminder. Maybe sign up yourself too if it’s your thing or do a century bike ride or a long swim or something. The more unreasonable sounding, the better! Me and my dh both do Ironman and endurance stuff, ultramarathons etc and they are selfish sports if you let them consume you. Luckily we both get it, have a quality gym in the garage and tag team with training and childcare but I’ve seen so many relationships break up over one partner stuck at home with the kids all the time or affairs with training partners etc. You need to stay ahead.

[DameCelia]

If I insist on taking the equivalent amount of time to do my own hobby or see friends,it means we'll never actually be in the same room at the same time.

If you don't insist you are confirming to him that his wants are more important than yours because .......you're a woman?

[Chamomileteaplease]

If I insist on taking the equivalent amount of time to do my own hobby or see friends,it means we'll never actually be in the same room at the same time

Insist on your own time anyway. Let him see how ridiculous this idea is at this time. When you have three small children, sacrifices have to made.

It seems unless he can see with his own eyes how stupid and selfish he is being, then he won't understand!

I doubt you would want to be in the same place as him at the moment anyway .

[Robinelf]

This is the kind of thing my ex-DH would have done. And he was a selfish twat.

Going out for a run on your own is far more relaxing and preferable to the daily grind of family life/work with young children. It gives him hours “off” and the perfect excuse to avoid all that - but not you.

[Robinelf]

When you are knackered and doing the best you can to balance everything, the last thing you need is someone jogging about in Lycra behind you, whilst drinking protein shakes and moaning about who tired they are after their long runs Then he might injure himself and you’ll have to put up with the drama of that.

[BabyMoonPie]

The ballot results haven't been announced yet so is this a charity place? If it is he'll have agreed to raise a certain amount of money for charity and that will also take time effort

[Mybedislisting]

YANBU DH ran a marathon a few years ago - training takes a long long time, many months if they do it properly and towards the end they need to be doing much longer distances - this could mean him being out of the house for 2-3 hours at a time

[BabyMoonPie]

** time and effort that should say

[Dumbie]

I would be livid op. Little bit livid for you if I'm honest. He's got to find, what, 8 hours a week to train.
Ask him if he'll do it before the kids get up or after they go to bed

[Christmaspanic24]

Yes it's a charity place. He announced it over dinner. He never does that. Our kids are too small to understand. So I think he did it that way because he knew I'd be pissed off.

[scissy]

YANBU - I'm the runner in this house, I've never entered a marathon (entered several halfs) precisely because of the time it takes to train - it wasn't fair to do that to my family!

[Christmaspanic24]

robinelf I think that's why I'm so upset. I feel we're barely surviving as a family... as a couple. We never have any time together as it is. We certainly have no quality time. And now he's running a bloody marathon.

[Christmaspanic24]

He even said, I'd support you if you were doing it!