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To think it’s ok that I used the accessible toilet?

(57 Posts)
diversity101 Thu 03-Dec-20 04:18:16

I was at the train station and there are only two toilets(one accessible and one small one). It was the middle of the day so the place wasn’t very busy but both of the toilets were occupied.

3 months ago I had a large baby delivered with forceps and I have been struggling with bladder control since then. When I have to go I really need to. The first toilet to become available was the accessible one so I used it. I really felt I couldn’t risk waiting another min or so.

When I walked out a man working at the station shook his head at me and said the toilets were for disabled people only.

Was I wrong to use them? I feel bad but really didn’t want to embarrass myself in public.

OP’s posts: |
adropnotabit Thu 03-Dec-20 04:22:27

No of course not. He should mind his own business, a disability isn't always visible and poor bladder control is a perfectly valid reason to use it.

Topseyt Thu 03-Dec-20 04:23:24

I don't think you were wrong. People need to remember that not every medical condition or disability is visible.

Chrimboo Thu 03-Dec-20 04:25:51

It’s not really crime if the century is it?
For all he knows you could’ve been disabled anyway so he was out of line.
In your case I’d say you WNBU as you had a genuine need.

lakesideadvent Thu 03-Dec-20 04:26:27

Of course you weren't wrong, he needs to learn that not all disabilities are visible.

ConiferGate Thu 03-Dec-20 04:37:05

YANBU. Personally I’d have tried to embarrass the guy as much as possible by loudly telling him he’s lucky he doesn’t know how it feels to have your vagina ripped apart by forceps.

user127819 Thu 03-Dec-20 05:27:56

You have a temporary medical condition so YANBU. The man was extremely rude.

BefuddledPerson Thu 03-Dec-20 05:35:47

You're fine, just ignore him.

sofiaaaaaa Thu 03-Dec-20 05:40:54

I think the bigger problem is that you’re dwelling on this at 4am! Which is also likely to be several hours after the event.
Why is this playing on your mind?

The staff clearly need more training as he should be aware of hidden disabilities and should not have “challenged” you. He should have already been trained in regard to passenger face covering exemptions so there’s no excuse as to why he didn’t apply the same exemptions to the toilets.

ILoveAnOwl Thu 03-Dec-20 06:12:52

My son has a physical disability and needs help with using the loo so we use the disabled loos. His disability isn't immediately obvious and whilst noone has ever challenged me, we've had some filthy looks from people and it's really disheartening. You were not wrong to use the loo. The staff member was wrong and needs disability awareness training.

escondida Thu 03-Dec-20 06:16:18

They are accessible not reserved.

TW2013 Thu 03-Dec-20 06:20:14

I would contact the station and ask that they train their staff in hidden disabilities.

PineconeOfDoom Thu 03-Dec-20 06:20:30

Exactly that 👆Accessible toilets are not reserved for any (undefinable group), despite what MN might think.

diversity101 Thu 03-Dec-20 06:22:39

sofiaaaaaa

I think the bigger problem is that you’re dwelling on this at 4am! Which is also likely to be several hours after the event.
Why is this playing on your mind?

The staff clearly need more training as he should be aware of hidden disabilities and should not have “challenged” you. He should have already been trained in regard to passenger face covering exemptions so there’s no excuse as to why he didn’t apply the same exemptions to the toilets.

I’m not in the UK. It was only 3pm here!

OP’s posts: |
ScubaSteven Thu 03-Dec-20 06:28:28

My DH has a hidden disability and being called out like that would have really affected him. Contact them and complain, their staff need training in hidden disabilities. The accessible toilet doesn't require a disability diagnosis to allow you to use it, you had a need.

People are so rude and judgemental sometimes. Don't give him a second thought, he was rude.

JustCallMeGriffin Thu 03-Dec-20 06:48:05

I'd complain.

There are many debilitating issues/medical conditions that mean someone needs the privacy and priority of accessible toilets, very few of them have a physical indicator. Crohn's is probably the easiest to reference.

Their staff need reminding that it's an accessible toilet and that customers don't need berating if they aren't visibly disabled.

Paranoidmarvin Thu 03-Dec-20 07:08:31

I am the same. Pregnancy broke my bladder. And sometimes I have to just go or I’m asking for a mop and bucket. I always use it. If someone shook their head at me I would stand and explain why. How embarrassed would they be.

Paranoidmarvin Thu 03-Dec-20 07:10:34

Same with drinking alcohol. People press me all the time in social situations why I don’t drink. In the end I told them in a very loud voice. They were very embarrassed afterwards. Hopefully they won’t do it to someone else who could be embarrassed or don’t want people to know why they don’t drink. I’m never embarrassed about telling people about my medical problems. So it doesn’t bother me.

What bothers me is when people don’t have the full facts and insist on people around them knowing their unwanted opinions.

altforvarmt Thu 03-Dec-20 07:11:13

JustCallMeGriffin

I'd complain.

There are many debilitating issues/medical conditions that mean someone needs the privacy and priority of accessible toilets, very few of them have a physical indicator. Crohn's is probably the easiest to reference.

Their staff need reminding that it's an accessible toilet and that customers don't need berating if they aren't visibly disabled.


I absolutely agree.

DarceyDashwood Thu 03-Dec-20 07:11:21

You were not wrong to use them and honestly I would complain. That a staff member said this was appalling - he needs training in hidden disabilities.

CecilyP Thu 03-Dec-20 07:12:31

Of course you weren’t unreasonable. Hidden disabilities is a red herring. There were only 2 toilets, both open, one wheelchair accessible, the other not. It would be a complete waste of the accessible toilet if it was only used by wheelchair users. It would mean one toilet for wheelchair users and one for all other travelers. You could imagine a huge queue building up outside the only other toilet at busy times if that was the case. Anyway was the person who vacated the toilet before you disabled? Did they get a lecture. I would have just asked, ‘where is the person I have prevented from using the toilet’ while scanning the horizon.

Charleyhorses Thu 03-Dec-20 07:16:11

Seriously.
Just return the stare. Some people just think they are in charge of the fecking universe. He is probably self appointed covid police as well.

midnightstar66 Thu 03-Dec-20 09:33:26

Personally I wouldn't give it another moments thought, apart from to think up a really good come back in case similar ever happens again. These toilets are there so people who require more space can have it but it's not exclusively just for them.

WoolieLiberal Thu 03-Dec-20 09:43:25

The clue is in that title. “Accessible” toilet means anyone can use it.

Poor bladder control seems to run in my family (though banning black current juice helped my DD’s enormously!)

We’ve never taken it too seriously though. I had similar issues after DD’s and often used accessible loos to avoid embarrassment.

I was pulled up on a few occasions always took great delight in embarrassing the person by telling them (politely and with a big jolly smile) that I was incontinent and had to use the accessible loo to change my pad (which had been true in the weeks following DD2’s birth- I know, TMI!)

I would then ask if they would like me to explain my condition in more detail so they could decide if I was OK to use that facility in future. I also said perhaps I should get a badge made for me to wear that says “incontinent”.

They always shuffled away red-faced and apologetic.

Hopefully it taught them to mind their own business in future.

GlitterandBalloons Thu 03-Dec-20 09:47:59

You were not wrong for using the toilet and the staff member was very wrong for challenging you, people who do not have visible disabilities should not have to explain themselves to justify using a toilet when they need to.

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