I gave birth to twins 2 weeks ago and I’m really struggling. Without sharing too much:
- they were slightly premature and struggled to latch. Inspite of a good milk supply from me they lost a lot of weight and we had nearly daily midwife visits to weigh them which were very stressful.
- I’m finding the demands of taking care of them extremely difficult. DH has been very hands on but we’ve been arguing amongst ourselves which is unusual for us and both a sleep deprived mess. We tried some formula and it really didn’t agree with them and we all ended up in hospital for a night so that’s not really an option.
- when I look at them I sometimes feel like they’re gorgeous but not mine. I resent how reliant they are on me. They are on a strict feeding plan involving 3 hourly breastfeeding, offering a bottle of Expressed milk and then expressing. I’ve been slowly working on tandem feeding but it’s hard as one is much bigger than the other and one is currently cluster feeding and wants to be on me. I keep being presented with a baby who needs something.
- my physical recovery from birth isn’t great. I had an emergency section (was meant to be a planned one but I went into labour early). My bleeding was initially very light but is now much much heavier. Filling pads every few hours with blood everywhere. The area around my lower tummy and incision is all bumpy and extremely itchy. I think I might have hives. I also have haemorrhoids and need to have a tooth extracted next week. I feel like my whole body has given up on me. I’ve been told the bleeding is normal as I’m feeding so much but it’s debilitating as I sometimes I can’t get off the sofa from feeding and need to change a pad and I worry about leaking.
- I have very complex family issues that are rearing their head and that’s causing issues with my DP and immense worries about the future.
I’ve found myself looking