Okay so bear with me. This Christmas, it's mine and DH's turn to host Christmas at our house, and with my side of the family (my parents, my brother and sister in law and their baby). This is my ideal Christmas and I have been so looking forward to our turn - I love my in laws but am really close to my family, it's our first Christmas in our new home after a long journey to get here and I feel really relaxed with my side of the family (we all get on really well, DH loves them and they love him etc.). I am quite anxious about Covid and will want to make sure we all socially distance, they will all be happy to do that (my in laws wouldn't be, which causes a lot of anxiety for me). DH and I love cooking and we love hosting, and we're able to do this within Covid restrictions ofc (tier 2, so between DH and I, my parents, and my brother, we are the three households).
Like everyone else, we couldn't plan Christmas this year until we found out about Covid restrictions. Now we know the plans, my in laws are still wanting us to go to them for a 'Christmas Day' before Christmas, and with my sister-in law and her husband and their two daughters, and my DH's grandad (who lives on his own, so that's three households). I don't feel comfortable with that because:
- most importantly, my Dad is extremely clinical vulnerable to Covid and on the shielding list. He would get very ill if he got Covid and having seen him in and out of hospital growing up, sometimes fearing he wouldn't come home, I don't want to see my in laws (who are all high risk for covid due to work, and social lives, they believe Covid is just the flu and don't follow guidelines at all really), I would be terrified that we would contract Covid from them and then spread to my Dad a few days later. This absolutely terrifies me. I am clinically vulnerable to Covid too but okay to risk getting it myself from the in laws for the sake of peace, but not at the risk of then giving it to my Dad and the worst happening.
- it would mean we'd be seeing 5 households, not a maximum of 2 others. That does really bother me because I believe we all have a shared responsibility to protect one another and follow the law and the rules.
- Due to work we'd also then need to see in laws outside of the allowed 5 day window. Again, it's against the rules and that really troubles me.
Anyway in laws really want an answer from us and DH and I had a horrible day today when disagreeing about what to do next. He wants us to just go along with his parents (they are lovely but head strong, outspoken about their opinion and hard to say no to) but I feel impossibly unhappy and uncomfortable about that. I think he feels stuck between me and his parents (horrible place to be) and I don't want any conflict (I hate conflict) but I also feel a very real need to protect my Dad. It's our turn to host Christmas this year with my side of the family. Families all across the UK are in the same boat, I don't see why we can't just not see in laws for Christmas this year. I know that's disappointing, but it's only one Christmas and Covid makes life hard - I feel like we just need to accept it means we can't do everything we want to, when we want to. I wish DH had my back and stood next to me on this.
Anyway, I've reluctantly suggested we look to have a 'Christmas Day' with my DH's side of the family after Christmas and before the NY. This would be outside of the timescale we're allowed to meet, and a further breach in that we'd be inside someone's house, with three households, when this is banned (tier 2) and all of this makes me feel really rotten and uncomfortable. BUT it's a compromise because I want DH to be able to see his parents/siblings/grandad, I know it's important to him and I know it mean's a lot to my in laws. With doing it after Christmas, at least if we catch Covid from them, I won't then be spreading it to my Dad.
I think my DH thinks I'm causing a fuss and it is causing a lot of tension between us.
Am I being unreasonable?