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Friends pregnancy symptoms, I don't think so.

(113 Posts)
Falconfield Sun 29-Nov-20 13:28:34

So clearly I'm being a bitch and I suppose I feel a bit mean?

Friend is trying for a baby, as am I. All great we can share the highs and lows... lovely.

Well my time of the month has arrived so clearly no baby.
Told friend that I'm a little upset as its been quite some time we have been trying.
Friend has decided she is now definitely pregnant and has been telling me by text and phone calls about all of the pregnancy symptoms she has been experiencing.
Her period would be due in about 10 days (she told me this, I don't stalk her uterus)

How can she possibly be experiencing pregnancy symptoms when she wouldn't even be showing a positive pregnancy test yet?

Im not sure if she really believes it or she is just being mean?
It seems to be the trigger of me being upset about how long it's taking to conceive for her to literally shate in the same conversation how pregnant she feels.

I don't know what I'm asking really, maybe does it seem likely or is she just being a bitch?

OP’s posts: |
MatildaTheCat Sun 29-Nov-20 13:36:11

Well she wants to believe she’s pregnant clearly. Unfortunately if you’ve been sharing all of this then she probably can’t see that she’s doing anything wrong. Just tell her you are feeling a bit fragile about it all and you hope she’s right but will be taking a bit of time out from messages for a little while.

BrumBoo Sun 29-Nov-20 13:37:45

What makes you think 'she's being a bitch'? Just stop talking to each other about TTC, it really brings out the worst in ourselves at times, gets obsessive, 'symptom hunting' until you're going mad with what-ifs and disappointment if your period turns up. Sharing that with someone else who's obviously desperate to get pregnant makes for two women who are eventually going to fall out (as clearly is the case here). In the meantime, stop making your friend's thoughts and feelings all about you, it's ridiculous.

CakeRequired Sun 29-Nov-20 13:38:50

Maybe you should both stop sharing so many details of how you're trying to get pregnant? It's a bit weird.

Maybe she wants to beat you to it for some reason, who knows. Some women go nuts when trying to conceive. If it's upsetting you, tell her that. If she still won't stop, she's not much of a friend.

BettysSpaghetti Sun 29-Nov-20 13:40:20

To be fair I started with pregnancy symptoms about a week before my period was due. I had that weird metallic taste in my mouth and sore boobs.

LoveMyKidsAndCats Sun 29-Nov-20 13:42:29

I fell pregnant on my period and i had symptoms before my first missed period so your friend may be pregnant.

OverTheRainbow88 Sun 29-Nov-20 13:44:12

I felt sick and had a weird metal taste in my mouth starlight after conception. Also weird yummy pains

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 29-Nov-20 13:44:36

Am I the weirdo for finding it weird that people (friends included) discuss such personal issues. Why is nothing kept Private.

liveitwell Sun 29-Nov-20 13:44:58

Symptom spotting is normal.

I suggest not talking about it together. It's emotive and will likely be hard for both of you at different times of the month.

Talk to someone who's not TTC.

Redolent Sun 29-Nov-20 13:46:01

This is a terrible setup. Stop sharing these minute details.

It’s normal to obsess over the tiniest symptom, squint to see a second line, etc. The process is fraught with anxiety as it is never mind sharing it with the other. Whoever gets pregnant first is bound to be resented, especially if the other person is still TTC after 3, 6, 12 months...

Igotthemheavyboobs Sun 29-Nov-20 13:47:09

So are you hoping she isn't pregnant then? This is why you should be so careful when ttc with other friends, when the inevitable happens and one falls pg before the other, the one not pregnant feels left behind and jelous and the one who is pg feels guilty or unsupported.

This will probably end in tears, just pull away from it now before you say something you can't take back. Maybe stop talking about the ttc side of things and try to push conversations back to other, non baby, topics.

PinkPlantCase Sun 29-Nov-20 13:47:54

I had the most pregnancy symptoms on a month where I didn’t get pregnant grin luckily it was only my partner who had to hear me go on about it.

If it upsets you say that you’ve got everything crossed for her but that you need a break from talking about it. Easy

20viona Sun 29-Nov-20 13:50:43

Stop sharing so much Information with each other if you're then gonna be unhappy with her suspecting she may be pregnant. Sorry this was doomed from the starts unless you both fell pregnant at the same time then one of you was bound to get jealous.

DontTouchTheMoustache Sun 29-Nov-20 13:52:02

One of you will get pregnant before the other so there will always end up being one of you who is upset so I agree with the others that you should stop talking about it so much.

Heyahun Sun 29-Nov-20 13:53:51

I’d not be discussing this in such detail with friends tbh it’s a bit much!

She might well be pregnant - i got a very faint positive around A week before missed period - and I was feeling a bit nauseous & tired at that stage too.

She shouldn’t be rubbing it in your face though if it upsets you - but you have been sharing everything up until now so she probably doesn’t realise you don’t want to hear it tbh

zaffa Sun 29-Nov-20 13:55:42

I had symptoms before I had a positive test, which seems so unlikely as surely there would need to be enough hormones to give me symptoms so they should show up? Anyway, I tested and was negative and tested a week later and was positive (still a few days before AF).

I think the situation you are in is very hard, if either of you become pregnant before the other there is bound to be sadness and disappointment if you've been trying for a while so maybe take a small step back for a bit? thanks because it's rough to see others around you even half way to something you really want x

MrsToothyBitch Sun 29-Nov-20 13:56:05

I think the mistake- on both sides- was oversharing. It's not a competition and it's easy to misconstrue how others think and feel when your own emotions are being so tested. She's probably just excited, is messaging you because you're her go to for this sort of talk and perhaps doesn't realise how you're feeling. Some people do get symptoms pre period- as pp have shown.

My friends know I'm broody and it's hard sometimes but I won't discuss it any further. I couldn't bear someone elses excitement or to witness their easy ride if I was struggling. Self protection.

EssentialHummus Sun 29-Nov-20 14:00:26

What PP said really. She's not covering herself in glory and it might be an idea to pull back / discuss other things.

Dishwashersaurous Sun 29-Nov-20 14:01:46

I can’t imagine sharing this level of detail with anyone other than my partner

UniversalHadIt Sun 29-Nov-20 14:02:53

I had symptoms before I had a positive test- didn’t actually realise it they were pregnancy symptoms until I missed my period- sleepy, hugely emotional, couldn’t drink wine, felt physically shattered and couldn’t run (I ran half marathons at the time)... Hadn’t even missed a period. If I’d been TTC and had been symptom spotting, I would definitely have jumped on them.

I’m in the “one and done” camp (won’t be having any more children now- feel too knackered after 4 years of single parenting one) - but have a friend who is TTC and has been for a long time. She does tell me an awful lot- which I’m 100% fine with- but I know she DOESNT talk to other friends who are also TTC about it, for this very reason. She tells me because I’m “safe”- not trying, have a baby, no chance of upset on either side- and she needs someone to talk to.

I’d suggest a gentle, frank chat with your friend about how you feel- no blame- and step back from this part of your friendship.

UsernameChat Sun 29-Nov-20 14:03:23

For a start, your friend can experience pregnancy symptoms this early. She may not be telling you about her symptoms to be bitchy, she may just be excited, especially is she's been TTC for a while. No one but your friend can say for sure what she's feeling and why she's telling you about it.

I can understand it's upsetting for you - when you're trying TTC, or you've just lost a child, it seems you see pregnant women and babies absolutely everywhere, which makes your own feelings that much harder to cope with. If you really are friends, and you wish to remain so, just tell her the truth. You're finding it hard to hear details right now, so you'd rather discuss things that aren't baby-related.

SarahAndQuack Sun 29-Nov-20 14:03:57

If you really want to symptom-spot, get an anon instagram account and join in there - there are masses of people who'll cheer you on as you TTC, but because you don't really 'know' them, it won't feel so intense. I think sharing this stuff with a real-life friend going through the same thing is just going to make you miserable.

Viviennemary Sun 29-Nov-20 14:04:44

It's a case of wishful thinking. Agree mistake is oversharing.

2bazookas Sun 29-Nov-20 14:06:21

Parenting is not a public game-show performance so get over yourselves .

Biscuitsneeded Sun 29-Nov-20 14:10:03

Just say to her that as you have been disappointed again this month you are going to try not to focus so much on every tiny aspect of trying to conceive, so if she has good news in 10 days you'll be delighted for her but you're going to focus on other aspects of life for a bit. Hopefully she'll take the hint and shut up. If she doesn't, she's pretty insensitive.

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