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Lodger thinks house is hers

(520 Posts)
Amy3030 Fri 27-Nov-20 12:15:10

I have a lodger who has slowly, over time, has made the house hers and I feel like the lodger now. Small changes made, which I put down to, she has to also live here as well, so I accept at the time and say nothing, but when I look at how things are now, I realise I was wrong and my house has been completely taken over in 5 months. I spend time away regularly, and changes always happen when I am not there, now, I have vertually no space in the fridge and freezer, maybe enough for 2 things if I squeeze them in. The front hallways has a massive show rack of 20 shoes. The bathroom is cawash with her products left everywhere, and when i tidy up, the next day, they are put back to where they were before. The dining room has been taken over, it is now an arts and crafts room, with units, table full of a hundred items, bottles everywhere, it is completely unuasable now and is her spare room. She does about 5 or 6 loads of washing a week, so is always 2 clothes racks full and drying all over the kitchen and front room. Now she has put expensive fan heaters in 2 rooms without asking me and I pay all ther bills, and at night, the noise from her bedroom fan heater keeps me awake, it is like a swarm of bees humming. And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. A few weeks ago, I noticed my bottle of champagne, which she knew about, I'd been saving for 20 years and is 25 years old and worth hundreds of pounds, it was opened and put away with a glass left. When I confronted her she said she knew nothing about it, and just hoped I would quesion myself over it, but I certainly didn't open it after saving it for 20 years. I looked in the black bags in the outside bin and I found the top cage to the champagne and the cover paper, so it was opened in the last week. And my kitchen chef knives are slowly dissapearing, have lost 2 already. When I go away for weekend to look after my sick mother, I dont want to go home. I say to people, I dont have a home anymore. I have even stayed out in the cold in the city to stop going home. I spend most of my time depressed and sometimes crying, and working out how to tell her to leave.

OP’s posts: |
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Fri 27-Nov-20 12:16:59

Wow that's not insignificant. I honestly think the only option is to ask her to leave.

Lockheart Fri 27-Nov-20 12:17:39

Good grief, it's your house. Tell her this isn't working for you anymore, serve her a months notice and have done with it.

MeridianB Fri 27-Nov-20 12:17:44

She needs to go. What is the notice period in your agreement? Give it to her now and hopefully she will be gone before Christmas.

Star81 Fri 27-Nov-20 12:17:59

Why haven’t you said something to her ?

Bag4Lyf Fri 27-Nov-20 12:18:32

She sounds dreadful! You have to ask her to go.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 27-Nov-20 12:18:50

You don't have to work out how to tell her to leave, you just do it. "This arrangement isn't working and you need to move out." Done.

Come on, op, take your control back and get rid of her. This is your home, not hers.

AppleKatie Fri 27-Nov-20 12:19:44

Give her notice. Don’t bother giving her a reason (she’ll argue against it).

Just I have decided to no longer have a lodger your moving out date is X of Y. (Min notice period in contract). Then refuse to discuss it.

Mrsmummy90 Fri 27-Nov-20 12:19:45

Take your home back OP. She is completely disrespecting you.

Kick her out xx

Lou573 Fri 27-Nov-20 12:20:05

Ok, you need to kick her out. As a lodger you can do it pretty quickly with minimal notice. However the good news about the champagne is that they don’t get better with age, so a 20 year old bottle would probably not have been great! Next time drink up rather than save it!

Chamomileteaplease Fri 27-Nov-20 12:20:36

The answer is so simple. Do you need help in how to not ask but TELL her to leave? We can do that smile.

How much notice do you have to give?

It sounds like a horror film. Let us help you.

Smallsteps88 Fri 27-Nov-20 12:21:25

Oh just tell her it’s not working and time to go. It’s poor timing. You could maybe give her until after the new year to find somewhere but I know as a lodger she doesn’t have the right to expect that sort of notice.

SquareSausage17 Fri 27-Nov-20 12:22:32

God, she sounds like a nightmare. Just tell her to leave! Give her reasonable notice, in writing, and be done with it all.

DartmoorDoughnut Fri 27-Nov-20 12:22:47

I’ll happily come and kick her out for you, fucking cheek! Apart from the baths vs shower bit I mean personally I hate baths but you can’t really dictate what someone does in the bathroom.

ciaobella88 Fri 27-Nov-20 12:23:31

shes taking the piss. get assertive and give her notice

Thewithesarehere Fri 27-Nov-20 12:24:41

Pick her stuff from everywhere and put it in a bin bag and kick her the fuck out! I would do that for opening that bottle alone.
Asi, next time there is a cheeky flicker thread on here, do take time to post. You will win the thread hands down.

doctorhamster Fri 27-Nov-20 12:24:45

Kick her out!! Lie if you have to and say your mum needs to move in or your circumstances have changed and you need to sell the house.

LyingDogsLie1 Fri 27-Nov-20 12:25:23

Kick her out now! She sounds absolutely vile.
Just say it’s not working or lie and say you need to move your mother in if you feel you need a good excuse.

NoPainNoTartine Fri 27-Nov-20 12:25:28

It's your house, she needs to go.

I can't see how you gan regain control without drama, it's not worth it.

One little thing, you do need to sort out bills properly
And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs.
She could be taking 7 or 14 baths a week if she wanted to, she lives there too. You can always try to write new contracts regulating the number of baths or the length of the showers for your next lodger, but that sounds ridiculous.

HyacynthBucket Fri 27-Nov-20 12:27:20

Why do you not say anything? For example, that you need room in the fridge for your things too. Or that you do not want the dining room full of her arts and crafts stuff permanently? It seems as though she has walked all over you.
So distressing for you OP. Huge sympathies when you feel your home is not your own anymore. Something has to happen. Get your home back. Can you tell her to move out as it is not working for you.

StephenBelafonte Fri 27-Nov-20 12:27:41

Just give her 4 weeks notice to leave.

Next time you get a lodger, make it more of a businessy arrangement rather than a friendly arrangement and don't people please and always address issues as they arise.

MarinPrime Fri 27-Nov-20 12:28:29

YABU for letting her take over and not stopping it earlier.
Tell her to leave. Make sure to text or email to confirm what you've said so you've got it in writing.

Respectabitch Fri 27-Nov-20 12:29:09

What are you being such a wet bloody blanket for? It's your house! Just tell her to go!

livefornaps Fri 27-Nov-20 12:29:19

Honey, so sorry that your mum is ill.

This woman has to go. Her inconsideration is making you depressed. I welled up reading that you avoid going home. Everyone has to feel at home somewhere and this is YOUR home. She is just an obstinate, piss-taking bitch. Send her an email telling her you are no longer renting the room and she has to leave. She deserves no more. She's terrible.

Amy3030 Fri 27-Nov-20 12:29:45

thanks for all your messages. I will give her 4 weeks notice, your opinions have given me the strength I needed after feeling so defeated. She is a lodger renting a spare room, an excluded occupier, nothing more

OP’s posts: |

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