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Start using Mumsnet PremiumPage 19 | Feel bullied by my pregnant colleague
(459 Posts)I've name changed for this, as it's embarrassing and potentially outing.
One of my colleagues is currently pregnant, and without fail, a few times every week, she will randomly bring up the fact that I haven't had children yet. She says things like:
"Are you not pregnant yet Thirty? Tick tock"
"Do you not worry about your body clock and running out of time?"
"You don't want to leave it too late".
"You want hurry up and get pregnant, you're nearly 40!" (I am thirty fucking one, she is mid 20s).
"You want to get a move on and get pregnant already, you don't want to end up a lonely old woman".
"Don't you worry about not having anyone to look after you when you're older?"
"Are you going to apply for the promotion? You might as well if you're not planning on getting pregnant anytime soon".
I usually laugh off her comments with "one day, just not yet" or "haha, think I've got a few fertile years left yet". But the truth is that I am unable to get pregnant atm, for reasons I don't want to discuss with her, anyone at work, or on this thread. I do want kids eventually, and being reminded of my "body clock" and my body's current shitty state several times a week is stressing me out and upsetting me tbh.
I'm not sure how to handle this situation; I am a people pleaser, and hate confrontation. I am counting down the weeks until her maternity leave starts, but it's not for a while yet and I'm not sure I can go on like this. I cried in the toilet the other day after one of her remarks. I feel pathetic for saying that I feel like I'm being bullied by her, but I genuinely do feel like that.
I know I should just say something like "could you please stop asking me about my womb", but I'm not sure how to phrase it, and embarrassed to say that I'm scared I would end up crying if I did say something like that. This girl is also really nosey, so she would want to know why I was bothered about it. Ugh.
I'm thinking of talking to my manager about it, but worried she'll think I'm being ridiculous. I'm a professional woman in my thirties, why am I letting this get to me so much?!
YABU = suck it up for the next few months and keep laughing it off.
YANBU = talk to your manager about it.
Look you've asked me about this so many times and its getting boring now and rather irritating. Don't ask me again.
Any update OP?
She sounds absolutely vile, I would go to HR. Anything I tried to say would probably be unbelievably nasty in response so I'd have to leave it to someone else.
Setting aside her gross insensitivity and general vileness, she’s making ageist comments which isn’t allowed in a workplace and that alone should be a disciplinary matter. Get thee to HR OP.
Wow she sounds like a right piece of work. She seems really smug about being pregnant. Why assume you even want children?
BeautifulPascal
There is another not very pleasant but very effective solution.
Ask how she feels about the unfortunate and common after effects of pregnancy and birth on ones body:
weak bladder, droopy wrinkled (post breast feeding)boobs, distended vagina, reduced ability to orgasm, exhaustion, weight gain, diabetes, post partum depression/ psychosis, cracked nipples, having a yowling infant who wakes screaming countless times a night ...........
or remind her there is no guarantee of a live birth or of a woman surviving the birth.
I am generally quietly and well spoken and bullies mistake this for my being a soft touch. A crisp cruel retort shuts them down very efficently.
What a vile thing to think let alone say to a pregnant lady
Yes, the pregnant woman is behaving appallingly but seriously you think that reminding her that her child could die is acceptable?
@AhoyMeFarties I totally agree. Completely wrong.
Ok so she’s well out of order.
I’m going to presume her hormones have made her blind to the fact she’s harassing you. (Benefit of the doubt).
Don’t say anything sarky or snide, if she cries at work you’ll be called into a meeting and they’ll say you’re a bad as each other.
Just go straight to your manager. They’ll ask you how you want to deal with it and you’ll agree a plan. At this point you can still plan to talk to her yourself but in the knowledge your manager will take your side. Or you can get them to deal with it.
I’ve had a baby but people constantly ask me when I’m having another and I’ve just started saying that we’ve never used contraception and only had one baby so their guess is as good as mine. We’ve been together 15 years or so, so people can read into that what they will. For some reason people are happy to ask intrusive questions about babies but still blush at the word contraception!
Next time she comments i would just say something like 'gosh are you still banging on about that'!
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