Advanced search

To not want DS18 working from home fulltime?

(87 Posts)
Haltonplacmat Wed 25-Nov-20 17:18:35

DS has been offered a full-time work from home job as a customer service agent for a huge company (think SKY etc). He's a college dropout and will be getting a bloody good salary considering (nearly 1600 a month). So I am chuffed for him and relived he won't be sat on his arse on the dole but I'm concerned about him working from home. It's 9-6 5 days a week and he already never goes out. He gets very letharic and is incredibly lazy, only going out to get food. He couldn't be arsed keeping in touch with school or college friends and whinges that he can't get a girlfriend but doesn't put himself in the position to get one. He just sneaks the odd one night stand in from Tinder occasionally but I got sick of that and told him it's unacceptable and that the next time it happens I'm coming into the room and calling the girl a taxi. I'd be happy for a proper girlfriend (in fact, I'd love him to have a girlfriend, it'd do him the world of good) to sleep over but I'm not have a revolving door of random girls. He gets lonely and depressed but refuses to seek support, and as I said he doesn't bother keeping friends or making new ones.

I'm just worried he'll work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep and won't have any other life causing him to sink further into depression. While the pay seems v good, being sat in him room doing customer service calls for 9 hours, nipping out to get some food, coming home to sleep and doing the same each day on repeat just sounds utterly soul destroying. DS is just excited about the pay but I don't know what he'll spend it on. I'll probably charge him £300 in rent/keep and transfer his phone bill to him etc but it's not like he'll be going out and having fun with it as he should be at his age. And obviously the pay is providing he doesn't get sacked (he has trouble waking up in the morning). I was really looking forward to him getting a job thinking it would get him out of the house and meeting people but that won't be happening now.

I also have a DP (self-employed in trade, in and out of the house a lot, constantly having equipment delivered and putting it together so you can always hear him going about his business during the day) and 3 year old DD. I'm worried we'll all have to be creeping around like mice in our own home while DS is working as it’s phone work. The house is a tiny terrace. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean it to sound like I'm not happy for him, we're getting takeaway and champagne tonight to celebrate with him, I'm just worried about his mental health. I know he's an adult and I have no say and I'm not going to tell him not to take the job, but WIBU to gently encourage him to keep on looking or take the job but still search for something else? Or is that too interfering?

OP’s posts: |
KarlKennedysDurianFruit Wed 25-Nov-20 17:21:43

Maybe working in this job will increase his self esteem and lead to him feeling more energetic, he might meet people at work virtually in meetings etc and we're in the middle of a pandemic so he's done very well to secure work with a decent wage. Also anyone employed is more employable than someone who's not

ApolloandDaphne Wed 25-Nov-20 17:24:12

I guess he has to try it and see how it goes. I assume he has his own room and can set it up with a work space? Loads of people are currently working from home in all sorts of living circumstances. My 22yo DD got a job during lockdown and works 9-6 from home too, although she chose to move into a flat with friends after a month or so. Let him crack on with this job. He will soon find out if it is for him or not.

ArtemisBean Wed 25-Nov-20 17:25:44

You need to lay the ground rules straight away. If he has a salary he should be contributing x amount to the household. There will be no creeping around to accommodate him. No visitors without your permission. If he gets fed up of all the rules he can move out and be independent. He's in for a crash course in adulting!

Growapair Wed 25-Nov-20 17:33:00

There’s not much you can do about it really op. He’s just an introverted person. He’s done well to land himself such a good job. You’d be VVVVU to ‘gently’ try and make him change his job. You don’t mention his age but I’m assuming he’s a grown man. It would be pretty obvious no matter how ‘gentle’ you are that you’re unhappy with the decent job he’s probably so proud of himself for getting. If your opinions not asked for, then you don’t give one. I wouldn’t be creeping around your own home however. It’s up to him to work out the logistics of working from home when he’s living with his parents.

abigailsnan Wed 25-Nov-20 17:34:59

Well done on your son for finding employment at this difficult time.
Has the Company told him he will be working in their call centre when the lockdown finishes eventually and have they explained the method of training he will receive.
The only downfall I can visualise is his motorvation on going and keeping up with the targets he will be set from the Company.
If he enjoys it and progresses well he can look for a more suitable job where he is in constant contact with other people.good luck to him.

CottonSock Wed 25-Nov-20 17:35:29

I think you need to see how it goes. It might make him mature, it could get him the sack. You don't know yet.

FilledSoda Wed 25-Nov-20 17:38:09

Hopefully it's the first step to living independently.

DriftGames Wed 25-Nov-20 17:38:35

Given the current circumstances it's obviously great that he has a job, and it may well give him that self confidence boost he needs, it'll give him something to do rather than mope about and will likely pull him away from his depression slightly.
I work from home 2 days a week and have a 1 year old who occasionally gets involved (much to my dismay) but most customers take it in good faith and understand considering how many people are working from home, so I honestly don't think you're going to need to creep around.

Pearsapiece Wed 25-Nov-20 17:40:17

I couldn't imagine thinking my child was going to get sacked straight away and having as much doubt in him as you've expressed here. How sad

AwkwardPaws27 Wed 25-Nov-20 17:40:32

In the current situation, he's lucky to have found a job and to have one with a good salary. Presumably once there is a vaccine etc a lot of jobs that are currently homeworking are likely to return to offices for at least part of the week (unless this is contractually homeworking only?). He may move on to another job in time that is office based, or he may find WFH suits him.

I wouldn't sneak around being quiet - tell him to get a half decent headset. I had scaffolding erected and removed outside the window I sit by, they made plenty of noise but I used a headset with microphone for calls and it was fine.

The salary will open up opportunities to socialise (post-lockdown). Hopefully he'll find a hobby or be able to got out more then; I wouldn't discourage him from taking the job on the basis that it's WFH.

Heyahun Wed 25-Nov-20 17:44:11

Well most people are working from home now - I doubt he’d find an office job in an actual office at the moment tbh.
Also it’s his first job and he’s 18 - I’d just leave him alone tbh and be happy for him.

Also a bit harsh saying he’s a college drop out so he’s lucky to get a job 😂 again he’s only 18 he may well go back to college some day or do a part time course alongside work.

I was horribly unmotivated at 18 - I went to uni and worked part time in a shop and blew every penny I had on nights out - not sure if that’s a wiser way to have spent my time or not tbh

Oblomov20 Wed 25-Nov-20 17:44:35

I think your fear needs to be addressed from another angle. The job is not the issue here. See how he gets on. It could be the making of him. The lethargic not doing anything else needs to be talked about, from a personal point of view, ie it's not healthy, nor balanced and it needs to come from him, from within, to realise that, and do something about it. Be that joining a running club, cribbage, chess, whatever, to get him out of the house.

DuzzyFuck Wed 25-Nov-20 17:46:30

Well done to him! On that salary and without much to spend it on now he could either a) save for a deposit and move into his own place in 6 months time or b) save up and spend some time travelling once the world has opened up again.

Either option sounds like it'd be good for him, and in the meantime he's gaining good work experience.

HollowTalk Wed 25-Nov-20 17:48:12

@Growapair She says in the heading that he's 18!

Fluffybutter Wed 25-Nov-20 17:50:34

The way you describe him is awful..
he’s gone out and got himself a job , that’s a massive thing for someone who is suffering from depression and “lazy” as you call him.
Give him a bloody chance , you just seem to be moaning about how it will affect you personally.

Daisy62 Wed 25-Nov-20 17:51:30

It's an opportunity at a time when there aren't many opportunities for unqualified young people. I'd encourage him as much as possible - let him take responsibility for the practical arrangements but be helpful where you can. Help him organise a workspace and headset (hopefully employer will provide) and try to be an ally. It's a big step for him, so he's probably not going to be up for a wholesale reorganisation of his lifestyle at the same time. See how it goes. Try to show that you believe in him. Nothing's wasted jobwise - he'll learn something from it even if it doesn't last long.

vanillandhoney Wed 25-Nov-20 17:53:23

What kind of job out of the home do you want him to get, realistically, at the moment?

I think it's pretty sad that you don't seem to have any faith at all in your son, tbh. From your description, it sounds like he may be struggling with depression and low self-esteem - this job could well be the making of him.

And he can get noise cancelling headphones for work, so hopefully he can just hear the customers.

Wheresmykimchi Wed 25-Nov-20 17:54:34


I couldn't imagine thinking my child was going to get sacked straight away and having as much doubt in him as you've expressed here. How sad

hmm this is absolute nonsense in relation to what OP said.

LaurieFairyCake Wed 25-Nov-20 17:54:56

Well done him

Don't tiptoe - just give him a draught excluder and tell him to use headphones if he says he can hear you

Hopefully it will all be fine thanks

MaskingForIt Wed 25-Nov-20 17:57:35

On £1600 a month he can move out and get a room in a shared house.

premiumhob Wed 25-Nov-20 17:58:03

Only on Mumsnet could a well paid job mid pandemic for an 18 year old be a fucking problem. Seriously.

BrummyMum1 Wed 25-Nov-20 17:59:47

Can you focus on encouraging him to work on an exercise routine as well as his new job? Just starting the day with a walk around the block would help (easier said than done I know).

toomanyplants Wed 25-Nov-20 18:00:14

Give it a go.
Keep chatting to him about how it's going, could be the making of him!
Well done to your son, hope he does great!

Hailtomyteeth Wed 25-Nov-20 18:01:27

He's working, he gets laid, he's got a roof over his head! He's 18. I think he's doing well.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in