Would you let your teen son's girlfriend move in?

[Busymum45]

Basically ds19 met this girl a while back (sort of knew from school) and she came to stop over one night mid October and hasnt left. She gradually moved in and is just here, on my son's small bedroom with him. She isnt working much, ds has a pt time as on a year out, when he goes to work she just sits in his room all day in the dark. Started piling her washing on the washing basket now. I'm cooking for all of us each night and her food vegetarian, (5 of us in the home).

I asked about some money but apparently she has none, doesn't come out of son's room as she is depressed.

Son and my dh have had a few clashes and heated run ins lately too and not sure if her being here so much is causing more problems, i,e dh jokes about and ds doesn't like it around the gf, ds also texted my dh and said dont touch my gf....

Dh unable to do much atm as had major surgery and more to come so I am doing everything. My younger child 16 wants her to go back home.

I am now feeling at the end of my tether and thinking about saying enough is enough time to go home now but can stay over a few nights a week if she wants.

AIBU??

[nimbuscloud]

I would tell both of them that the situation is untenable and that she needs to move out.
Do you know her parents?

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

YANBU. If you are happy to have her over a few nights a week, I think you need to put a number on it, otherwise it is liable to creep up.

[joybrightnice]

You've put up with it longer than I would have. Tell her she needs to go home tomorrow. Gives her time to pack up all her things. If he doesn't like it tell him he can move to her parents instead.

[Hahaha88]

Yabu for having let this go on as long as it has tbf

[Namerchanger42]

You need to have a proper talk with DS about it, the girlfriend can’t just move in by stealth- it’s needs to be by mutual agreement if it happens.

[SemperIdem]

Why would your son tell his father not to touch his girlfriend? That’s a bit strange.

I’d definitely be telling your son and his girlfriend that she needs to move out. It’s incredibly rude to just slowly move in without permission.

[Penners99]

Tell her she has to be gone by 3pm today and is not to return at any time in the future.

[billy1966]

@joybrightnice

You've put up with it longer than I would have. Tell her she needs to go home tomorrow. Gives her time to pack up all her things. If he doesn't like it tell him he can move to her parents instead.

This.

Can't believe you have allowed this to happen.

Your son has very little respect for you or his family.

Your poor 16 year old having someone just move in.

[Sparklingbrook]

she came to stop over one night mid October and hasnt left

I would have been making loud noises about her leaving after the one night. But my DS (nearly 19) would not be so cheeky to suggest she stayed longer). Basically you are supporting this girl, and you have enough on your plate without a lodger who pays no rent.

Any idea what her parents make of this?

[GooseWhiskers]

I don’t understand if none of you want her there why you’ve not asked her to move out yet?

[Busymum45]

Thanks, I dont know the parents , we stopped by her house 2 weeks back as she had to collect something (and came out with a suitcase), her dad spoke to my dh and asked if we didnt mind, we have been very nice about it but its getting to me a bit now as its just weird her being here 24 7, esp when my ds isnt here some days. I was going to discuss after the lockdown but need to now.#
Dh and ds had a run in last night over this stupid text & dh said ds should move out in anger, just feel its better now after 6 weeks if she goes back, they can still see each other?

[Clarich007]

No I don't think you ae being unreasonable at all.
Life is hard for everyone especially this year.I do hope you can sort it out.I don't have children so can't really comment as to the effect it will have on your son if she does go home.My feeling would be to send her home.
However I think she should be helping you with cleaning and cooking etc.
Take care.

[Thehop]

Good grief get her out! This is a ridiculous piss take!

[Busymum45]

Thanks I needed some honest opinions. My dh was caring as this girl has mental health issues and as he has suffered he wanted to help her. But i think we are all feeling now its too long.

[Sparklingbrook]

@Thehop

Good grief get her out! This is a ridiculous piss take!

This sums up my thoughts but less waffly.

[Devaki]

Yanbu. It’s your house. I wouldn’t have let her stay over in the first place. They’re 19, if they want to live together let them move out and finance it themselves.

[Bagelsandbrie]

Stop being so passive and tell her to go home. I have a dd about the same age and there’s no way whatsoever I would let her move a boyfriend in.

[Joswis]

Why on earth didn't you speak to your son at the time it started?

Along the lines of, 'She can stay one or two nights a week. No work nights. And ask first!'

If they want to live together, get a place of their own. If they can't afford it, they can't live together.

[triceratops12]

You need to tell her it's time to go, sounds awful

[Letseatgrandma]

Stop being such a doormat! I would have had words after the first night.

[Busymum45]

Thanks, the text was odd as my dh likes to mess around, he just creeped up behind her / made her jump etc just silly things, ds didnt like that so sent a text saying dont touch her , its a bit of a long story but everything dh does ds gets annoyed at it seems.

I think I will say something today.

[Ughmaybenot]

You’ve been ridiculously soft about this. Driving her over to pick something up, obviously it was going to be more clothes etc and then not saying anything when you’re given the opportunity to when her dad asked? And then to just go on cooking her food separately, tiptoeing around the issue in your own home etc. Bizarre.
You need to get this straight now, your ds is being a cheeky little sod as well by thinking it’s acceptable to just move his girlfriend in without so much as a by your leave.
As an aside, why has he told your husband not to touch his girlfriend?? Does that not concern you?

[CarolinaPink]

I wouldn't allow that. No, you're not being unreasonable.

[Busymum45]

Thanks honest views is what I needed and good to know I am not being a monster by saying time to go (can we send her back in the lockdown)??

[Letseatgrandma]

everything dh does ds gets annoyed at it seems

I think DS needs to either appreciate the fact that his parents are putting a roof over his head or move out with his girlfriend