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To think Father Christmas doesn’t make two visits.

(260 Posts)
Kacee29 Sun 22-Nov-20 07:54:07

Random one.

I have a DS with my ex and dc with my current partner. DS always wakes up here on Christmas morning and visits his dads house throughout the day or sometimes sleeps there Christmas Day night into Boxing Day.

Before anyone asks why doesn’t he stay there on Christmas Eve sometimes or alternate Christmas etc like other parents do. It’s never happened for us. DS has siblings here. He doesn’t at his dads. His dad always goes out drinking Christmas Eve so he’s never been interested in having DS then.

My ex has told DS that Father Christmas always drops presents off for DS at his house too so DS thinks he gets two visits off Santa.

I’ve always been against this as for me Santa should visit the house you are sleeping Christmas Eve and wake up on Christmas morning.

Also. DS has been telling dc he gets two visits which isn’t ideal as dc are more understanding now.

Plus in our house Santa always brings one gift and a sack or stocking and the rest is from me and hubby. In my exs view all presents are from Santa.

I’ve tried to communicate this with him but he’s not the easiest to talk to.

Aibu?

It wouldn’t be so bad if DS kept his gifts off his dad at their house but he always brings them home. Naturally DS is always going to have extra presents off his dads side of the family which is fine but from Santa? No! I feel like I should do the Santa thing here!

Please guide me here. Shall I put my foot down this year? It’s causing all sorts of confusion here!

OP’s posts: |
Ifailed Sun 22-Nov-20 07:56:40

What does it matter, it's a nice story to tell youngsters and the idea that Santa does two drops it's just as likely as any other version?

I don't think this is about Santa.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 Sun 22-Nov-20 07:56:47

How old are the kids?

Generalblah Sun 22-Nov-20 07:57:45

I think you are being unreasonable. Just because it is what you want doesn’t mean his dad’s views are irrelevant. Children will believe whatever you tell them so just go with the flow. You are kind of making a mountain out of a molehill.

Also, it’s unfair that you get the magic of Santa and your ex doesn’t.

Wigglegiggle0520 Sun 22-Nov-20 08:00:07

Sorry but I think you’re being unreasonable.
I’m sure you can find a way to explain it away and the children will forget about it if it’s not made a big deal of.

flaviaritt Sun 22-Nov-20 08:00:55

I think you are being unreasonable. You want Father Christmas to always come to your house?

Children don’t forensically analyse Father Christmas. By the time he’s old enough to ask why he brings more presents in one house rather than the other, he’ll be on the cusp of not believing it anyway.

Twistered Sun 22-Nov-20 08:01:03

You do presents whatever way suits you in your house.
You cannot really dictate how your ex does presents in his house .

Peace43 Sun 22-Nov-20 08:01:12

YABU. As inconvenient as it is for you and the other kids in the household your ex is allowed to do Xmas for his kid in any way he likes. You need to manage the fallout your end. The kids won’t be damaged for life by Santa visiting DS at his Dad’s too. You could ask your ex nicely to say some presents are from him and some from Santa to better match the story you tell but he doesn’t have to agree.

JunkieMonkey Sun 22-Nov-20 08:02:32

You’re being completely unreasonable, not to mention petty and dare I say it, spiteful. None of this will even matter in a few years time when the truth about Father Christmas comes out. Grow up, OP.

user113215532352 Sun 22-Nov-20 08:02:32

I think you're being a bit controlling about an imaginary magical figure.

KitKatastrophe Sun 22-Nov-20 08:02:35

I think you're unreasonable. People do Christmas in different ways and i dont see why your way of doing things trumps your ex's.
Why dont you change your way, so that all the presents are from Santa to align with what your ex does? Or explain to DS that all the presents are from friends and relatives and Santa delivers them, so they're all from santa but also from relatives which is why he gets some from his dad's family. Surely your other DC get presents from their fathers family, so he isn't getting "extra".

purpleme12 Sun 22-Nov-20 08:03:30

Of course Santa would come to both houses.

I don't agree with the whole Santa brings everything but I've read some people on here who do it that way so god knows

Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor Sun 22-Nov-20 08:04:08

When my DC spend Christmas eve at their dad's Santa also drops presents off here and the presents are waiting for them when they get back.
I think you're making too big a deal of this.

Twistered Sun 22-Nov-20 08:04:35

" DS is always going to have extra presents off his dads side of the family which is fine but from Santa? No! I feel like I should do the Santa thing here!

Please guide me here. Shall I put my foot down this year?"

You have no right to be putting your foot down! You could escalate this into a horrific situation between you and your ex . Just leave it and work around it.

YesItsMeIDontCare Sun 22-Nov-20 08:05:35

Santa works with parents and adheres to their wishes as much as possible. His role is to deliver gifts and he doesn't get involved in how the parents choose to raise their children. That would be unethical.

Caelano Sun 22-Nov-20 08:05:40

I hate to break it to you but Father Christmas doesn’t even do one visit...

Seriously though, why should your version of a made up idea trump the father’s? Talk of ‘putting your foot down’ sounds ridiculous. You can’t (and shouldn’t try to) stage manage Christmas in your ex’s house. I’m sure the child at the centre of this is perfectly happy with things as they are, until he soon gets to the point where he’ll know FC isn’t real anyway when he won’t buy into either version

Mrshook Sun 22-Nov-20 08:06:06

YABU and you sound mean and petty. Kids believe what you tell them. Why can't santa visit two houses?

CrackersDontMatter Sun 22-Nov-20 08:07:58

We alternate Christmas and Father Christmas always leaves presents at both houses. They only get stockings at the house they wake up In on Christmas morning. But they get presents from him in both houses. I think you are being a little unreasonable.

My children have siblings here and no one has ever questioned it. It's been this way for 8 years.

myneighboursarerude Sun 22-Nov-20 08:08:38

How would you feel if this situation were reversed? Or better yet how about Santas’s sole visit was to your ex’s house instead?

This has nothing to do with your son, this is about you exerting control. Why do you care?

Acrasia Sun 22-Nov-20 08:09:17

My parents divorced when I was five and Father Christmas used to visit me and my siblings twice, once on Christmas Eve and once on New Year’s Eve. We would alternate which parent we were with for each every year, and basically have Christmas twice. It was the 1980s, and I didn’t really know very many people who also had divorced parents, but those who did also had the same set up. My siblings and I loved it.

LolaSmiles Sun 22-Nov-20 08:10:02

I'm with you on the santa situation. Santa brings a token present or delivers presents on behalf of parents and family. Most people on another thread had a similar view and didn't do santa bringing everything.

But I don't think you can start dictating how you're handled Christmas at his house.

Sophagain Sun 22-Nov-20 08:10:06

Christmas is often incredibly difficult for children from broken homes. Please don’t do anything to cause upset or worry to your son.

DaphneFanshaw Sun 22-Nov-20 08:10:12

Another yabu here.
Why shoul your ex do everything the way you want him to.

TeenPlusTwenties Sun 22-Nov-20 08:10:24

One thing I would do is to make sure your DCs from current relationship have some presents while DS is at his Dads. So he comes back showing new things, but they have had new things too?

Is this a case of you & your DH and your respective families giving the 'same' to all DC, but then your DS gets extra from his Dad's family?

You won't win. If your DH's family gives less they will be wrong, but if they give the same including to DS then they are wrong as DS gets extra from his Dad's side.

LolaSmiles Sun 22-Nov-20 08:10:39

*how you handle Christmas at his house

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