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To wonder how I going to survive the night

(32 Posts)
Covidfears Sun 22-Nov-20 01:05:11

I don’t know what else to do but post here.

I don’t know how I’m going to get through this night. It’s looking likely my lovely dad has bowel cancer. We’ve only just got through my little sister surviving cancer. I can’t go through all that again.

My parents and I are vulnerable to coronavirus but I have children in school so can only see them through the window.

There is no light at the end of this tunnel for me. I don’t know how to get through this.

OP’s posts: |
PurpleFlower1983 Sun 22-Nov-20 01:10:25

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Bowel cancer can be treatable if caught at an early stage, do you know what stage he is at? Just remember, your sister has survived and there will be a chance your dad will too. Try not to catastrophise until know all the facts, I know that’s really hard. Thinking of you flowers

Foo2 Sun 22-Nov-20 01:13:00

I'm so sorry OP. But you WILL get through, it always seems more terrifying at night time. flowers

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants Sun 22-Nov-20 01:15:47

(((HUG))))

I'm sorry to hear about your Sister & now possibly your Dad.

You say 'might have' where is he at with the diagnosis?

One of my Mums close friends has just been diagnosed, but she's told my mum they said it's treatable.

Do you have someone in bed with you?

If you do can you cuddle up & match their breathing and think about something nice like a previous holiday or plan how you'd renovate your house if you win 100,00. Anything to keep you mind busy.

Schummakker Sun 22-Nov-20 01:18:53

Very sorry OP

I’ve been through a few of those nights and know what you’re going through.

Please try take something to help you sleep. One thing you could perhaps get is Phenergan (antihistamine) it really helps.

Try to stay hopeful and as pp suggested snuggle up to DH/DC.

We’re with you flowers

Covidfears Sun 22-Nov-20 01:28:41

Thank you.

DH is upstairs in bed but I can’t stop crying so I’m come down.

My dad did one of the FIT tests that my mom ordered him through the post because she thought he was losing weight. The one that looks for blood in poo. His came back as nearly 300 when it should be under 10. He’s lost at least a few stones in weight and has just told us that he has had Diarrhoea constantly for the last 6 months and hasn’t told anyone. He was referred for a colonoscopy on Friday but was told it could be longer than 2 weeks due to Covid. I have convinced myself he has terminal bowel cancer.

OP’s posts: |
MLMsuperfan Sun 22-Nov-20 01:38:56

Catastorphising is when we see the worst case scenario when looking to the future.

It might go the way you fear. It might go a lot better. You may find you have a lot more strength than you think.

CrikeyPeg Sun 22-Nov-20 01:39:10

Extending my hand here @Covidfears - my dear Mum has just been (Friday) diagnosed with bowel cancer with her op scheduled for eight days. Early stages for her, we have been told, so hanging on to that, although also susceptible to Covid with a raft of comorbidities. Does he have a definitive diagnosis yet? Such a tough time, and worse at night when your can't distract the mind with the day to day activities of life/living flowers

Schummakker Sun 22-Nov-20 01:42:22

It may well be bowel cancer but it’s likely it’ll be treatable.

Let the tears flow and allow yourself to feel sad and tire yourself out. You’re preparing yourself for the worst outcome but keep that glimmer of hope.

2 weeks is a long time when you’re waiting so take it easy and be kind to yourself, you’ll get through it.

Sending you hugs.

ScienceSensibility Sun 22-Nov-20 02:07:47

Sorry to read this covidfears 💐

Troubles are always worse at night, aren’t they? I’ve been in your position a couple of times with family members.

I teach myself I can’t do anything to help overnight, so I try to be kind to myself so I can have energy to face the fight again the next day.

If these negative thoughts are swirling, watch something bland and cheering on TV. Something rubbish and benign, like Friends or a gentle movie. Wrap up warm on the sofa with a hot drink and just take a hot hour as it comes.

You will need to be at full strength to help your father if your fears about his diagnosis are correct. Think of this self care as being an enabling act to give him support.
I say this kindly, for your own mental self preservation, try not to immerse yourself too much in the detail of his diagnosis or treatment. Attempt a small amount of distance/detachment.
I failed at this the first time and almost had a breakdown as a result, which meant I was of no use to anyone.
Try and go an hour without thinking about it.
Give yourself time in the day when you will think about it, consider options, talk to your parents etc, but don’t let it dominate your thinking 24/7.
I hope it goes well for your father. Medical science is incredible now and there have been so many advances. Thinking of you.

ScienceSensibility Sun 22-Nov-20 02:08:50

‘Each’ Hour

Not hot. Apologies.

hellsbells99 Sun 22-Nov-20 02:13:36

My mum has had bowel cancer twice and is still with us. Good luck with your dad. Treatment is very good nowadays.

Covidfears Sun 22-Nov-20 02:14:46

Thank you everyone. I’m still sobbing reading these but feeling less alone.

I hope everyone going through this has a positive outcome.

OP’s posts: |
ScienceSensibility Sun 22-Nov-20 02:18:28

There are always night owls on Mumsnet! It’s a good place to feel a little less lonely, and sometimes that’s enough.😀

I hope your partner will stand with you, OP. You will need his support.

Covidfears Sun 22-Nov-20 02:22:13

He’s being good but he works long hours. I also feel a bit of a burden being miserable all of the time so I put on a brave face as I do around the children who don’t know about my dad yet. They saw him every day before Covid and love him so much. They are only 6 and 8. I don’t want them to lose him yet.

OP’s posts: |
Oliversmumsarmy Sun 22-Nov-20 02:29:33

Dp was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in January 2016.
He had been going to the doctors for months and been dismissed when he questioned whether he had bowel cancer.

They gave him 2 years. He is still with us today although I can’t say it has been easy.

He has had his spleen removed because the cancer had spread. A section of his bowel was removed and HIPEC treatment.
He also had a stoma for a year.

I can’t say the NHS were great and saved his life as that was down to us.
We had to pay for his treatment.

I wish you well. There are so many variables even when given the worst prognosis. You just have to not give up.

TalkingToMyselfAndFeelingOld Sun 22-Nov-20 02:53:06

I wish I had some words to say that would help but I havent. In not surprised you upset and I know this sounds weird but i wish I could meet you in person to give you a hug!

flowers

TalkingToMyselfAndFeelingOld Sun 22-Nov-20 02:54:55

ScienceSensibility

There are always night owls on Mumsnet! It’s a good place to feel a little less lonely, and sometimes that’s enough.😀

I hope your partner will stand with you, OP. You will need his support.

Definitely. Loved ones and friends too are a Godsend when we are struggling.

There is also MacMillan , I think they do a helpline for those affected by cancsr?

Rainbowqueeen Sun 22-Nov-20 03:04:09

Op I’m so sorry. My mum had bowel cancer twice so I know how scared you must feel. She also found out the first time through blood in her poo. They operated and then she had chemo for a year. This was almost 30 years ago now so I’m sure the treatment has changed and advanced.
She had a relapse after 16 years then had radiation that time. She died from something else entirely.

You clearly have a close living family and that will be such a help in the days ahead. Support each other, use the samaritans or other support agencies too. Wishing you well

Rainbowqueeen Sun 22-Nov-20 03:04:59

DAmm typo I meant loving family not living. God I feel like such a dick.
So sorry

IDontLikeZombies Sun 22-Nov-20 03:23:01

I don't have anything better to add than what the lovely PPs have said but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone tonight.

SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge Sun 22-Nov-20 06:15:45

OP thinking of you and sending you the biggest hug possible.

Do not have a go at yourself for anything, especially not feeling sad or miserable.

You don’t know the outcome yet and albeit just a bunch of strangers we are with you. How you’ve managed to doze off for a couple of hours.

Xxx

Allnightlong2016 Sun 22-Nov-20 06:33:33

Hi OP I’m sorry about your Dad, it’s really worrying for you especially when you’re waiting for results. I had bowel cancer removed 22 months ago at stage 1. However I had been unwell for about 8/9 months before diagnosis and my GP did not consider that I might have bowel cancer at 40. The bowel cancer UK website is very informative. Praying for your dad and mum and all your family.

Mindymomo Sun 22-Nov-20 06:42:06

My FIL was diagnosed with late stage bowel cancer at 66. He had to have urgent surgery and radiotherapy and lived another 22 years until he died this year at 88 years old of heart problems.

nannybeach Sun 22-Nov-20 07:09:06

Lots of love coming from here, yes, things are always more gloomy at night, these men and their health,honestly. My DH's Uncle, had bowl cancer, and removed successfully in his 80's, he lived years afterwards. It is so easy to think the worst, I had a care (bowel cancer in my 50's) when I went for first the scan, (later the colonoscoy) which was arranged very urgently, was OMG, I might loose my elow length hair, how riiculous of me, thankfully NAD, now I wouldn't be worried about the stupid hair, which would grow back.

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