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Does motherhood feel natural to you?

(82 Posts)
GettingUntrapped Sat 21-Nov-20 21:25:24

Do those of you who are mothers perceive your maternal 'role' to be natural to you (i.e. innate biology)?
It has rarely felt natural to me, especially when I had my first baby and home alone with him most of the time. Friends have said the same thing, that it can feel unnatural to be alone so much with a new baby. It's a time when we need others around us.
Has anyone else felt like this?

OP’s posts: |
MonkeyPuddle Sat 21-Nov-20 21:27:19

Fuck no.
I’m surviving motherhood by the skin of my teeth, frequent googling and wine.

ApplestheHare Sat 21-Nov-20 21:28:00

Not particularly, no. It sounds like you're asking about two different issues - maternal instinct and isolation. Are you ok? I think feeling lonely and isolated will cause anyone to question the role they find themselves in.

ImaSababa Sat 21-Nov-20 21:28:06

No! It still hasn't sunk in that I'm actually DD's mother, and that one day she will call me Mum.

Meepmeeep Sat 21-Nov-20 21:29:11

Absolutely not and I’m glad to hear others are the same.

Waxonwaxoff0 Sat 21-Nov-20 21:29:57

Nope. DS is 7 and motherhood still doesn't come naturally. I love him to pieces but I don't enjoy doing things that children do, I have to work at it.

mynameiscalypso Sat 21-Nov-20 21:30:49

I think there are some things which are innate but at a more primal level. The actual day to day stuff of motherhood, god no

wellthatsunusual Sat 21-Nov-20 21:31:18


No! It still hasn't sunk in that I'm actually DD's mother, and that one day she will call me Mum.

I remember having that thought too. Even now, when my oldest is a teenager, I sometimes get stopped in my tracks when I think of the enormity of that.

BenoneBeauty Sat 21-Nov-20 21:31:31

Not for me either Op. I love my DCs with all my heart and would quite literally die for them if it came to it, but I do feel I'm winging it most days (& I don't like other people's children either - I totally fake that when with friends or family!)

bluebearss Sat 21-Nov-20 21:32:00

Yes, on a good day, absolutely not at all on a bad one!

FudgeBrownie2019 Sat 21-Nov-20 21:32:07

I grew into motherhood. They're 15 and 9 now and I think I'm pretty good as Mothers go - they're lovely people and I'm proud every day of who they are. But it wasn't an instinctive thing at all, and I think it's fine to acknowledge that Motherhood isn't always graceful and easy.

flowers to anyone struggling.

elQuintoConyo Sat 21-Nov-20 21:35:00

Nope. No maternal instinct, nothing natural. Love the bones of them, but didn't realise how selfish I was until I had them.

I didn't grow up around kids (big close family, lots of cousins etc), having children seemed so abstract and 'other', still does, 12 years on.

Curiosity101 Sat 21-Nov-20 21:35:20

I'm 50/50. I think the urge to care and protect was innate. But the actual act of parenting is way more complicated than just keeping your child alive. For that bit I use lots of Googling and organisation.

I definitely didn't feel isolated in the early days though. I'm a bit of an introvert so I loved our time alone and not needing to see other people for awhile.

If you feel isolated have you considered joining an app like peanut? Or and mums groups on Facebook for your local area?

ReallySpicyCurry Sat 21-Nov-20 21:36:05

Yeah definitely.

Food poisoning is a natural occurrence too, mind you, as are periods. My periods are a ten day long bloodbath, but I hear some people get three days of nothing in particular grin

I'm not sure what my point is grin

speakout Sat 21-Nov-20 21:40:00

Yes, and it was a shock.

I had never held a baby until I had my own, a quick easy birth, no idea how to breastfeed, but for days felt like an animal at home, just him and I curled up in a warm spot. I changed him, I showered and snacked, by the time he was 7 days old and we emerged he had gained 9 oz.
Becoming a mother was an animal thing for me- and still is.

jessstan1 Sat 21-Nov-20 21:40:13

It did feel quite natural to me when I had a baby, the most natural thing in the world; now umpteen thousand years later, I see myself as an individual who happens to be a mother rather than - a mother. Gosh that is not very clear, one of those statements where I know what I

Being a wife didn't come all that naturally to me.

Washimal Sat 21-Nov-20 21:41:30

I love my DC and I think I'm a good Mum but it doesn't come naturally, I have to work at at. I would die for my kids without a second thought but sometimes when parenting I feel like I'm playing a character.

rhowton Sat 21-Nov-20 21:44:27

Motherhood in the first 3 years in traumatic. After then it's just sass with a side of no nappies or naps.

lljkk Sat 21-Nov-20 21:45:14


Ilovesugar Sat 21-Nov-20 21:46:18

It comes reasonably natural but then I have moments of what the hell have I done : I’m screwing this up.

Guess that’s why it use to be a village raising children rather than sole parents?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland Sat 21-Nov-20 21:48:21

Sort of yes but then I think I was quite realistic about what it entailed. Ditto the post above about curling up in a warm spot. There are pics of me with first DC just curled up on bed with him both asleep - I barely left the bed for about 2 weeks

GettingUntrapped Sat 21-Nov-20 21:49:28

@washimal yes, I sometimes feel like I'm playing a character too. Mother. Saint. Giving.
It's exhausting, and a bit scary.
Onwards we go.

OP’s posts: |
ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN Sat 21-Nov-20 21:49:56

Yes it has some of they time but that doesn’t mean I didn’t ask advice or look up information Or think I could have done something differently

But I do believe it’s far more natural to have females around supporting us especially in the first year

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland Sat 21-Nov-20 21:50:38

Ps agree re village- DH and I had plenty of family support including both DM & DMil & my sisters all supporting with bf etc. Makes a massive difference imho.

poorlyearboy Sat 21-Nov-20 21:51:50

Yes but only to this child of mine. I knew from pretty much weeks after he was born that I would be a terrible mother to another child. We just fit, me and him (he's our only and I won't be having another)

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