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To take a hammer to DH Xbox!!! Am I overacting or is he in the wrong?

(283 Posts)
Dandylioness1 Thu 19-Nov-20 23:00:21

DH (36) & I (32) had our first baby in February.

DH has always been a gamer. He’s an introvert, not the kind of guy that goes to the pub with his mates (think he’s done that once or twice)
His Xbox is his hobby and what he does to have time to himself.

Since DS came along his Xbox time has reduced but I don’t seem to hear the end of it.

He’s always telling me how his brother (8 years younger than him with no job) plays 4 hours a day and how he’d love to have more time playing.

It was DH birthday at the weekend so we agreed I’d go to bed (Xbox downstairs) so that he could have some time on his games.

Saturday I went to bed 9pm and he stayed up until 1am.
DS had a really unsettled night (teething) and I had little sleep.

DH asked if could play again Sunday.
DS was having a rough day with his teeth and didn’t nap and I know we’d be in for another rough night.
I mentioned to DH that I would go to bed 7-9 in the spare room whilst DH settled our son. I’d then go into our room at 9 and DH could go down and have the rest of the night on his Xbox whilst I looked after teething DS.

DH told me he couldn’t to this as he was just too tired to stay awake (too much gaming the night before!! ) to watch DS for two hours.

I told DH that I assumed this would mean he wouldn’t be having Xbox time to which he told me he would as Xbox requires concentration so it’s easier to stay awake hmm

I told him this was ridiculous and that I was pissed off, his response was that I was an ignorant nobhead and I clearly didn’t understand anything about gaming....

Wanting to avoid an argument I took DS to bed and he stayed up and had Xbox time again.

Tonight after work he told me he would be having a few hours on his Xbox.

I mentioned to him that he’d had a good chunk of time at the weekend and he got arsey with me and then told me I have plenty of time to myself and he should get some too.

I asked him when I get time to myself and he was referring to the hour (sometimes two) I get during the day when DS naps (always on me) and I watch Netflix.

I really do not think this is the same as him
having uninterrupted Xbox time without having to watch DS?! Is it?!

Am I in the wrong. I really feel like smashing that bloody Xbox to bits.

OP’s posts: |
Newfornow Thu 19-Nov-20 23:05:47

Yanbu I fucking hate how that little box of hell rules everything. Players are penalised for leaving games incomplete or early so teens and dh put that first. It’s always “pleeeeaaassseee.... just a bit longer...” arrrhhhhh.
With a young baby your dh needs to pull his weight and play in his “spare” time. Which by the sounds of it, isn’t much atm.

PrincessNutNut Thu 19-Nov-20 23:06:04

He's a total prick.

OoohTheStatsDontLie Thu 19-Nov-20 23:06:34

He is in in the wrong. He seems to have hours where he gets a completely free choice of activity and can do his hobby. You get a baby sleeping on you, you're pinned to the sofa and can't even go for a piss or eat a crunchy snack or fock through a magazine because youd wake the baby up and you've also got the mental load of knowing you're still responsible for the baby. You should both have equal time for hobbies in my opinion (whatever that hobby is) and it's not fair if one of you gets more time and it's not fair if one of you then has to pick up the slack because the next day the other is tired etc from their hobby. He doesnt seem to realise that when you have a baby, if you take any time off, the other person's workload immediately doubles

OoohTheStatsDontLie Thu 19-Nov-20 23:08:11

Also most people put their hobbies on the backburner for a while when they have young kids...there isnt much time to yourself for the first year so it seems odd that he is comparing his free time to someone who doesnt have a job or a child

Dandylioness1 Thu 19-Nov-20 23:08:43

@Newfornow

*With a young baby your dh needs to pull his weight and play in his “spare” time. Which by the sounds of it, isn’t much atm.*

I keep saying this to him, but he always refers to the time I get during the day and he should be entitled to have some Xbox time on a night.
I’m not sure what else I can really do when DS naps on me.
Should I sit and stare at the walls in the house? hmm

OP’s posts: |
MostDisputesDieAndNoOneShoots Thu 19-Nov-20 23:09:27

No, not in the wrong. After our DD1 was born my husband totally stopped playing on his PlayStation because there just wasn’t time for it. He sold it in the end (although now the kids are older he does play on their console sometimes although not loads). I’m not saying your husband should do that necessarily but he needs to acknowledge things have changed. it’s a bit like that I have always read loads but for the first few years with young babies I hardly read at all- just didn’t seem to be the time/headspace. Is this a wider issue of him not pulling his weight or is he generally good? Either way, I’m on your side here. I also do find grown men gaming a bit unattractive if I’m honest, even more so when they strop about it ...but that might just be me!

TJ17 Thu 19-Nov-20 23:09:27

Where you went wrong was "to avoid an argument"
He knows this so he does whatever the fuck he likes. He sounds like an immature prick and I'm glad he's not the father of my children.

LTB you deserve better and so does your child thanks

PrincessNutNut Thu 19-Nov-20 23:10:02

What is the point of him? Glued to the console, too tired to parent but fine to game, calls you horrible names when you confront him. Was he a dick before you had the baby?

BluePheasant Thu 19-Nov-20 23:10:41

What a dick. Irrelevant what the hobby is, he needs to be putting you and baby first. He's selfish, I'm sorry.

Dandylioness1 Thu 19-Nov-20 23:10:45

@OoohTheStatsDontLie

*can't even go for a piss or eat a crunchy snack or fock through a magazine because youd wake the baby up*

Yep. I invested in some Bluetooth headphones to connect to the tv as I couldn’t have sound on without disturbing DS.

OP’s posts: |
emilybrontescorsett Thu 19-Nov-20 23:10:47

He needs to act like a parent and put his child first. What would happen if you told him you were too tired to look after your dc but then went our or did your hobby for several hours?

Londonmummy66 Thu 19-Nov-20 23:13:57

Can he not have X box time whilst DC naps on him?

TheoriginalLEM Thu 19-Nov-20 23:15:22

So on his birthday you had to make yourself scarce to give him time on his xbox???? I think that says it all really sad

Dandylioness1 Thu 19-Nov-20 23:16:30

@MostDisputesDieAndNoOneShoots

*Is this a wider issue of him not pulling his weight or is he generally good?*

To be fair to him, I can’t really say he doesn’t pull his weight.
He will help do the dishes (I cook) he will do bath time a few times a week and he will get up early with DS one day over the weekend.

There just seems to be an issue with “me time”
He thinks my Netflix / tv during nap time is me having time to myself and that he should get the same with his Xbox.

The difference is, me and DS are in bed when he’s on his Xbox.

OP’s posts: |
Dandylioness1 Thu 19-Nov-20 23:17:56

@Londonmummy66

*Can he not have X box time whilst DC naps on him?*

He usually connects with his brother and they chat via their headsets 🙄

OP’s posts: |
Dandylioness1 Thu 19-Nov-20 23:19:41

@TheoriginalLEM

*So on his birthday you had to make yourself scarce to give him time on his xbox???? I think that says it all really*

I felt quite sad by this too, but we did go out for a walk during the day together so then I felt like I was being unreasonable.

OP’s posts: |
User415373 Thu 19-Nov-20 23:23:07

What a prick.
Absolute man-child.
He has no respect for you.

BluePheasant Thu 19-Nov-20 23:23:19

Both me and my husband have barely had time for hobbies for years, youngest DC is 2. Life is busy, we're bloody tired. We accept this is how things are for now. If one of us did our hobby regularly the other one is run ragged and then too knackered to do their activity anyway and vice versa. I'd rather share the childcare and work as a team and accept there isn't a lot time for other things right now. The gaming is no different to the husbands who disappear for hours several times a week at the gym, cycling, golf leaving the other parent to run round like a headless chicken. It's checking out of family life and putting their wants above all else.

Londonmummy66 Thu 19-Nov-20 23:23:44

So they can chat on their headsets and play whilst DC naps on him -if that isn't free time for him its not free time for you either as you cant have a chat on your phone...

MyOwnSummer Thu 19-Nov-20 23:24:52

You're not being unreasonable. Can you leave the baby with him for a few hours on a weekend day - over naptime - and leave him to it?

Then he will have had time to himself just like you do in the week, right?

That should make the point nicely. He's being a prick. Too tired to parent but not too tired to play xbox? Fuck off!

tartantroosers Thu 19-Nov-20 23:25:57

Why would you want to be with a manteen?

PrincessNutNut Thu 19-Nov-20 23:26:01

Dandylioness1

*@MostDisputesDieAndNoOneShoots*

*Is this a wider issue of him not pulling his weight or is he generally good?*

To be fair to him, I can’t really say he doesn’t pull his weight.
He will help do the dishes (I cook) he will do bath time a few times a week and he will get up early with DS one day over the weekend.

There just seems to be an issue with “me time”
He thinks my Netflix / tv during nap time is me having time to myself and that he should get the same with his Xbox.

The difference is, me and DS are in bed when he’s on his Xbox.

The difference is, watching TV when you have a child sleeping on you isn't "me time".

Regularsizedrudy Thu 19-Nov-20 23:26:13

What possessed you to procreate with this man-child? He needs to get a grip.

BlueThistles Thu 19-Nov-20 23:26:45

living like this.. sounds like hell on earth.. flowers

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