DH into swinging but I don’t want it

[Kaseykahneno1]

My husband of 9 years was into swinging before we met. Last year he asked for us to do it. I initially said no. But I gave in. We downloaded the apps and registered websites. In about 6 months we met 2 couples and 2 singles. Nothing physical ever happened. After every time of nothing happening I always went “phew” and even a couple times beforehand I got drunk hoping it would make me do it and not have feelings. I tried twice during this time to put an end to it but he kept saying he wants this for us and would talk me right back into it. I would say ok to keep the peace. Finally one day I said absolutely no. Never. I have no desire to fool around with anyone and I don’t want to see my husband fooling around with anyone. This made him highly angry and said it’s wrong that I won’t even try it. He keeps saying it’s for us but I can’t bring myself to. He said he doesn’t see how it’s such a big issue. And that it’s unfair to say no without trying. He still brings it up. He’ll text me memes about threesomes. He say “I know what we can do 😉” (examples). And would ask occasionally if it’s still a no. I said to quit asking me. I said no, I’m not gonna be made to do it. But he still brings it up once every couple days or sometimes everyday. It’s starting to get annoying that I don’t desire it and it hurts. I have issues with forced sex from being raped. And he knows about that. But I would never treat him that way if there was something I wanted and he didn’t want it. I’ve thought of either couples therapy to get past this issue or just something for myself. Any advice would be great!

[Lifeisabeach09]

Keep being firm with him but, to be honest, you guys will never be on the same page regarding this.
He clearly wants to sleep with someone else. Either by swinging or other means.
You need to give him an ultimatum--shut the fuck up or fuck off!

[Wellpark]

Get rid of him. Seriously. He's a complete dick trying to coerce you into something you don't want to do and you being a victim of rape makes his behaviour even more abominable.

[1Morewineplease]

If you're not comfortable with it then 'no' is the only answer.
You must never feel that you ought to , just to please him or keep the peace.
I think that you might have to rethink this relationship.
Sorry.

[MatildaTheCat]

LTB.

[commandatori]

Jesus Christ, LTB if after you sit down with him and explain that he is pressuring you to do something sexually that you don’t want to do, even when you have trauma around this, and he doesn’t IMMEDIATELY grovel and never mentions it again. I do not usually say LTB but fuck me, this is beyond the pale and says so much about how little he respects your boundaries and right to say no.

[Lifeisabeach09]

Don't let him pressure you--if you go ahead to please him it will be very damaging to you psychologically.

[iklboogeymum]

Tell him the only threesome you're interested in is one with a solicitor to discuss divorce.

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

When he says it's for 'us', he actually means it's for him. Selfish b*stard. That would probably be a dealbreaker for me, particularly given your history.

[Soozikinzii]

You must keep saying no this is wrong on so many levels . If you aren't happy with it then that's it .

[RandomMess]

That is intolerable pressure he either accepts it and shuts up or you divorce due to differing attitudes.

He was ridiculous to bring this up after marrying you and then suddenly it's something that is so important to him

[chickenyhead]

OP you have been very strong so far well done. Please keep your boundaries strong. If it's not something you are in to equally, it will make you feel terrible.

If he cannot accept your decision, he needs to make some decisions for himself.

[TheWernethWife]

Tell him to fuck off with his coercive behaviour. No No No.

[LadyCatStark]

So he’s basically trying to force you to consent to him sleeping with someone else and making himself feel better about it by forcing you to do the same?

[Soundbyte]

Tell him the only threesome you're interested in is one with a solicitor to discuss divorce.

@iklboogeymum nailed it.

[Thisismylife1]

Clearly you are incompatible in this issue. There’s nothing wrong with swinging but you shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to.

I wonder though how you thought this would resolve / did you talk about this in the early days of your relationship? It’s not the sort of desire that often just goes away, he needs to make a choice.

[Aquamarine1029]

What a pig. He is abusing you, op. Get rid of this twat.

[slidingdrawers]

He is continuing to coerce you despite knowing your history and boundaries. These are not the actions of someone who should love, respect and protect you.

[KaptainKaveman]

He's a bully and a pig. I.agree this is coercion and abuse. Get rid.

[Newfornow]

Divorce him tomorrow ! I couldn’t put up with this coercion. It’s wrong wrong wrong if you don’t want to do it. Tell him to go fuck himself.

[swansongs]

@iklboogeymum

Tell him the only threesome you're interested in is one with a solicitor to discuss divorce.

Lol!

[PotteringAlong]

He brings it up every few days?! That’s a complete deal breaker. It’s not often I would say LTB but I suspect you’re into complete breakdown of a relationship territory here.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

What kind of a man wants sex and doesn’t care about active consent?

[ToffeeAppleCaramel]

Leave him. He’s absolutely awful. You deserve better.

[RettyPriddle]

@iklboogeymum

Tell him the only threesome you're interested in is one with a solicitor to discuss divorce.

Brilliant comment. Totally agree.

[Lalastepmum]

My ex husband was similar with wanting to watch me having sex with others. I held firm.
A loving partner does not want to put their partner in a situation they aren’t comfortable.
This is not tolerating someone for a few hours for dinner it is pressuring you to be at your most vulnerable.
I would say if this is something he feels he needs to do then maybe it’s
Time to call
It time.