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Daughter seems to be putting us off?

(114 Posts)
babayjane67 Fri 30-Oct-20 12:09:43

Hi all
I have 3 dds,2 adults who are both married&1 who's 12& obviously still at home.
My eldest DD has 2 kids of her own,a girl &boy.the girl is 21 months older than my youngest so are more like sisters.weve always done alot together &always included her in everything we do,days out,parties,sleepovers,holidays.theyve really missed the sleepovers this yr.
Anyway we always try&get together every school hol at some point.we either go out somewhere or we go to them or they come to us.
I've been trying all week to organise something&she seems to keep putting me off.we last saw them almost 3 wks ago when it was her birthday.
There's 4 of them&3 of us so my partner just drops us off as otherwise it'd be more than the allowed 6.
She's doing a Halloween party as it's my grandsons fave time of year.so she's decorating it all&they're doing the pumpkins today.shes put me off again today for this reason.so I said ok what about tomorrow? I'm having flu Jab&then we've got the party she said.
Couldn't go Mon as she was busy,Tues was their homework day which is fair enough.Wed they were busy,yest my gd was grounded for bad behaviour&today& tomorrow as I said before.
So only leaves Sun! No invite for my youngest,her little sister,to their party tomorrow.
If it was the other way around they'd have been invited without even thinking about it!
Aibu to think surely she can spare one day out the week for us? Even if it was just an invite to the party.my youngest is upset she hasn't seen them yet&doesn't know why she hasn't been invited to the party.
I understand that we are very lucky we saw them all 3 wks ago&that alot of people haven't seen their families for months which is awful but it's strange that she seems to be putting us off this time.
They only live 15 minutes away.
I could say something to her but then I don't want to start another argument&cause bad feeling.

OP’s posts: |
OverTheRainbow88 Fri 30-Oct-20 12:11:46

Have you somehow unconsciously offended her?

Is she anxious about covid?

AriettyHomily Fri 30-Oct-20 12:11:54

Maybe she doesn't want to mix households? What tier are you in?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Fri 30-Oct-20 12:13:00

Could it be that, at 14, her dd just wants a friend or two of her own age round rather than having to play with her 12yo aunt?

WearyandBleary Fri 30-Oct-20 12:16:39

I agree with @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz - they are probably growing apart now and a 14 year old will want her friends and while may always be close to her aunt (who will probably idolise her!) - they are not really “friends” now. I think this is natural.

Seeline Fri 30-Oct-20 12:17:45

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Could it be that, at 14, her dd just wants a friend or two of her own age round rather than having to play with her 12yo aunt?

This. The differences between a 12yo and a 14yo are getting quite big IME. I suspect the 14yo wants her peers to join in the party rather than a 12yo.

I agree that there are better ways of going about this natural drifting apart though.

babayjane67 Fri 30-Oct-20 12:18:36

No I don't think I've offended her.we get on very well.have had ups&downs in the past but no more than anyone else.
Her partner is anxious about covid&they don't go far but so far it hasn't stopped us as a family getting together.
We are in the lowest tier at mo in the south west.
No Bernadette my DD is 21 months older than my gd.she is 12 hd is 10.

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Fri 30-Oct-20 12:19:55

Perhaps your daughter is a bit overwhelmed and needs some space, perhaps she's having anxiety about covid. It could be a million things. I think you should just let her be for now. Your daughter has the right to make her own choices.

Leaannb Fri 30-Oct-20 12:22:26

Ummm...With the rules of six in place that would heavily limit the numbers for their party.

ShellsAndSunrises Fri 30-Oct-20 12:24:00

She wants some space. Your constant pressing to see her will make her more likely to decline, not less. Let her suggest something when she’s ready to. Let her be!

Three weeks isn’t that long, especially given that nothing much is or can happen because of Covid. It’s natural that they’ll want to do things as their family unit, and with their friends - and that’s even tougher now that there’s a six person limit on meeting up.

She’ll suggest something, or invite you; when she’s ready. In the meantime, stop putting pressure on her.

Leaannb Fri 30-Oct-20 12:24:09

babayjane67

No I don't think I've offended her.we get on very well.have had ups&downs in the past but no more than anyone else.
Her partner is anxious about covid&they don't go far but so far it hasn't stopped us as a family getting together.
We are in the lowest tier at mo in the south west.
No Bernadette my DD is 21 months older than my gd.she is 12 hd is 10.

Isn't yhe rule if 6 still in play? So with her 4 her children would only be allowed to invite 1 friend if your daughter is invited

BigBigPumpkin Fri 30-Oct-20 12:25:01

Maybe the girls have fallen out or your DD has slighted your GD and your GD has told her mum she'd rather not have your DD there?

billy1966 Fri 30-Oct-20 12:25:51

I think you have to ask her gently is everything ok as intentionally or not she's giving the impression that she'd rather not meet up?

Ask it very kindly and hopefully you will get an answer.
flowers

Poppingnostopping Fri 30-Oct-20 12:30:41

Everyone I know is super busy and super stressed just due to the covid backdrop, I don't think it's the time to get pushy. I'd just text saying sounds like a hectic week, let us know if you can squeeze in a visit, see you really soon and leave it. I'm sure it's just a temporary thing, life isn't very relaxing right now and it sounds like between the flu jab/parties/school work issues, she just doesn't want to plan anything else right now.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Fri 30-Oct-20 12:31:29

I have 3 dds,2 adults who are both married&1 who's 12& obviously still at home. My eldest DD has 2 kids of her own,a girl &boy.the girl is 21 months older than my youngest

According to this your child is 12 and your GD is 21 months older.

babayjane67 Fri 30-Oct-20 12:33:41

Yes the fuel of 6 is still in play so like I said there's 4 of them 3 of us so my partner drops DD&myself off&pks us up later.
They're not inviting any friends it'll just be them,so 4.
They play online games with each other sometimes.
No the girls haven't fallen out far as I'm aware.dd would have told me she usually does.

OP’s posts: |
FabbyChix Fri 30-Oct-20 12:33:46

Why dont you ask her rather than fret over it? Just ring and say Im really upset you don't seem to want to see me have I done anything wrong.

babayjane67 Fri 30-Oct-20 12:35:16

Sorry I wrote that wrong.is meant to say she's 21 months YOUNGER than my youngest DD.

OP’s posts: |
DryRoastPeanut Fri 30-Oct-20 12:36:16

Ask her, ask your daughter. I’m sure you’ll get a much more reasonable answer than you’ll get by asking random strangers!

babayjane67 Fri 30-Oct-20 12:37:54

She's now just said I have no idea when we will see u,I'm busy doing housework now&the kids are doing their pumpkins.i told I got my jab&party tomorrow &Sun theyre going to their other nans.
I haven't replied yet.

OP’s posts: |
FortunesFave Fri 30-Oct-20 12:39:37

It could be that her daughter isn't keen on it OP....children do sometimes grow apart from this age...10 and up is when they form their own opinions and likes and dislikes. One of my DD's took very strongly against organised playtimes when she hit about 9....she HATED other kids parents calling to ask me if they could meet up with us or with DD.

She wanted to arrange her own social life and she did begin to do that from about ten. She's 12 now and I still occasionally have to field requests for her company from the parents of her school mates.

ScrapThatThen Fri 30-Oct-20 12:40:06

Maybe say, 'as long as you are ok? Do you want to talk?'

MatildaTheCat Fri 30-Oct-20 12:40:42

Nobody here knows why she’s putting you off. You can either

1. Keep guessing.
2. Ask her.

But she does seem to be avoiding you a bit so do be prepared to hear her reasons if you ask her. She quite possibly is quite busy and wants some space. Maybe the ‘Mum’ roles have got a bit blurred in your family?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Fri 30-Oct-20 12:40:48

Is it always her hosting stuff and thinking of stuff for your and her dd to do? Maybe she is sick of it.

MeredithGreysScalpel Fri 30-Oct-20 12:42:12

So ask! I can’t understand why you wouldn’t just ask your daughter if you’ve upset her somehow.

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