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To be upset about my friend's comments?

(275 Posts)
LaBellina Thu 29-Oct-20 10:38:59

DS is a toddler who has just started to walk. We often use his buggy but DH has bought reins for him to keep him safe in places like a busy road, train station etc. We certainly don't intend to use them all the time, only in certain situations that are more dangerous then let's say, the park or our own quiet street.

I just mentioned buying them to a good friend who told me that 'your DC is not a dog', 'using reins is a violation of human rights' and that I should just teach him not to run of and stay close to me (DS is 16 months) and that she feels sorry for any child she sees on the street in reins. I felt really hurt by her comments because she is a very dear friend and she knows I love DS more then anything.

AIBU to feel upset about these comments or is using reins for my toddler as horrible as she says it is? I just want to keep him safe and have explained this to her as well sad.

OP’s posts: |
Mishmased Thu 29-Oct-20 10:40:40

Ignore her. People say crap sometimes even if they mean well.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 29-Oct-20 10:42:54

Loads of people use them. It’s none of her business. Did you tell her you didn’t ask for her opinion and the decisions you make for your child are yours and your husbands? Is this the first time she’s made you feel like crap with her “advice”?

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake Thu 29-Oct-20 10:42:55

Better reins than a dead child. Your friend is an idiot

SEE123 Thu 29-Oct-20 10:44:33

I'd ignore, OP. Opinions are like .... well you know how it goes. Does friend have any children? Personally reins aren't my cup of tea, but I appreciate that some parents see no issue with them. If someone commented on my lack of using them, I'd feel the same as you feel now. You can't really win either way.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Thu 29-Oct-20 10:44:54

She can keep her judgements to herself and shut her ridiculous trap.

The only mistake you made was bothering to explain yourself to her.

LaBellina Thu 29-Oct-20 10:45:05

No usually she doesn't say things like this. It's very unusual for her and I'm esspecially upset about the 'violation of human rights' comment. I wonder if she realizes what an impact it has when you say such things to any mum.

OP’s posts: |
Lipz Thu 29-Oct-20 10:45:41

Has she children? I remember one of my brothers saying the same. I felt so guilty that I didn't use them, so ended up having to raise my voice when they ran off, which he hated even more and told me I was like a scum bag roaring all over the place. I wasn't screaming like a mad woman, just raised voice so they could actually hear me across the car park. It takes time getting them to listen and learn not to run away. Funny thing is he now has 4 kids and used reins and shouts.

You do what you feel best, tbh if someone said anything to me now I'd tell them to mind their own business.

LaBellina Thu 29-Oct-20 10:46:09

No she doesn't have any DC herself.
She is a wonderful auntie for my DS though and she loves children very much.

OP’s posts: |
BabbleBee Thu 29-Oct-20 10:46:52

Years ago I went to use reins for DD in an American mall when visiting family over there. My cousin was horrified that I’d put a ‘leash’ on my child....

gamerchick Thu 29-Oct-20 10:47:04

Ignore the stupid arse. Many a kid has been saved from running in front of cars thanks to those things. Mine was a runner, with zero danger awareness.

If she ever comments again, tell her you heard her the first time, it hasn't changed your mind and you'd rather she didn't comment again thankyou.

And maybe never let her take him out herself while he's little.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Thu 29-Oct-20 10:47:50

No she doesn't have any DC herself.

Sounds about right, everyone is a perfect parent, until they are one.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 29-Oct-20 10:48:21

When my DD does a poo and needs a clean nappy but would prefer to keep sitting in it and playing I’m sure your friend thinks I’m being mean and violating her human rights by picking her and changing her. Well tough. I’m doing what’s best for her so she doesn’t get a sore bottom and she’ll be happier once she’s clean. It’s very easy looking in to make stupid judgements. I’m a very calm respectful parent but sometimes do things my child isn’t keen on for her own good. You’re doing the same thing.

personwifemum Thu 29-Oct-20 10:49:18

Ignore her. You do what's right for you and your child. Some children are runners!

Waveysnail Thu 29-Oct-20 10:49:26

I would have struggled not to laugh in her face

LaBellina Thu 29-Oct-20 10:49:54

Yes cars are my concern too.
We also travel by train quite often normally and DH says he wants to teach DS from.a young age to walk with us on the platform but he's terrified DS might run of and end up on the train track.

OP’s posts: |
SnaggleBeast Thu 29-Oct-20 10:49:58

I would have laughed out loud at the violation of human rights comment.

Alexandernevermind Thu 29-Oct-20 10:51:46

No she doesn't have any DC herself.
Then she isn't qualified to give an opinion. I didn't agree with reins or dummies until I actually had children ...

Plussizejumpsuit Thu 29-Oct-20 10:52:21

I don't have children and I only learned fairly recently people had a thing about reins. It's completely redic! She's being a twat.

Thehop Thu 29-Oct-20 10:52:37

Ah god I was going to be a perfect mum too, then the kids came along.

Your friend has no business at all saying what she did. Reins are a very contentious item but does she also think you’re “caging” him to use a cot? Pushchair harness? Most safety equipment for babies used a gall harness to keep them safe, he is nowhere near enough to understand “don’t run away you could get stolen or killed” the daft woman.

Learn some stock “haha I’ll let that slide and store up a told you so for when your kids arrive” few comments and stay strong. You know you’re doing a great job.

Ingridla Thu 29-Oct-20 10:52:38

Ignore her. I used reins a few times when my DS was that little & I don't feel theres anything wrong with it. It's ridiculous comparing them to a dog lead, it's about SAFETY.

LaBellina Thu 29-Oct-20 10:53:38

Yes it made me too think about the things that I force my child to do that also might be seen as a violation of human rights if you'd do them to an adult. DS absolutely hates brushing teeth and we literally have to hold him down and he screams like a banshee no matter how careful we brush and no matter what nice flavour of toothpaste we use. He hates it but I'm sure he will hate the pain of having rotten teeth more.

OP’s posts: |
Coldwinds Thu 29-Oct-20 10:53:49

The reason you put a Leah on a dog is the exact same reason you put a reigns on a child tbh..

I always put a reins on my child in a shopping centre after losing my dd in the crowd. Worst five mins in my life.

Neolara Thu 29-Oct-20 10:54:49

Well she hasn't got her own DC and is probably completely clueless about the very real risks involved in managing a bolter when out and about. I'd just ignore her. I am very embarrassed when I think of all the things I swore I'd never do before I had kids and quickly backtracked on in the face of reality.

Lipz Thu 29-Oct-20 10:55:58


No she doesn't have any DC herself.
She is a wonderful auntie for my DS though and she loves children very much.

I know many many childless people and while they are great at many things and are quick thinking re children and you'd nearly swear they had their own kids, they really don't know some things unless they have experienced them, and their opinions can be way off. I remember my sil being horrified that I left my 16 year old home alone while the rest of us went out. Jesus the lad had a part time job and was well capable.

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