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BIL bringing new girlfriend aground

(126 Posts)
itwasrebekahvardysaccount Thu 29-Oct-20 09:12:20

Family meal next week obviously if we're not in lockdown. BIL moved out of his family home with ex and the kids 2 weeks ago OW he has been having affair with is coming for the meal. MIL says she can't say anything feels slightly uncomfortable about it but it's up to him.

AIBU to think this isn't normal and I'm not crazy not wanting to be apart of it? I wasn't that close to ex SIL but we both still had a good time when we seen each other.

Please tell me if I'm being a drama queen and being over the top as OH thinks I am

OP’s posts: |
Horseradish01 Thu 29-Oct-20 09:29:33

I’d have the same feelings as you. It’s insensitive because it’s too soon

BibbityBobbityBellend Thu 29-Oct-20 09:32:06

It's not right but you don't know the full story (no matter how much you know, the full story is between the three of them) and it's not your business.

Your BIL wronged his wife more than this woman did. Just be civil or don't go.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously Thu 29-Oct-20 09:33:57

I think that's awful - his wife and children will be so hurt. Mil really ought to say that this isn't acceptable. Personally I wouldn't go.

SpeccyLime Thu 29-Oct-20 09:34:06

I wouldn’t be cool with that. It’s so soon - totally insensitive of him, it’s going to make his poor children feel completely shitty. I would personally refuse to go.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 29-Oct-20 09:35:43

Up to MIL if she says anything and you don’t have to go. Has anyone met her already?

NailsNeedDoing Thu 29-Oct-20 09:36:04

Yanbu to be incredibly uncomfortable with this, but it’s not your side of the family so I don’t think it’s your place to object and make things difficult for MIL and your DH.

CoralFish Thu 29-Oct-20 09:37:09

Are his children coming to the meal? Do you have kids and will they be there? If adults only I think it's a bit soon but not awful but if the kids are involved I have much stronger feelings.

Thehop Thu 29-Oct-20 09:37:15

Are his kids going? If they’re not I’d be polite, but wouldn’t go if they were, it’s way too soon.

Shoxfordian Thu 29-Oct-20 09:37:30

Yabu
It's not your job to judge people

Nottherealslimshady Thu 29-Oct-20 09:39:36

I agree with you but you cant really argue it. Just be civil and try to focus on others at the table. Dont know why she'd even want to meet his family so soon after he walked out on his wife, does she really think everyone's going to excited to meet her? How awkward.

YummyInMyTummy Thu 29-Oct-20 09:42:16

It’s incredibly insensitive and cruel of your BiL & his GF, I wouldn’t be comfortable with it at all. I think someone should say something to him. Who is hosting? They are entitled to not invite the GF.

MrsWhites Thu 29-Oct-20 09:45:17

The OW has got some brass neck to go to the meal 2 weeks after he left his wife and kids!!

It’s also incredibly insensitive of your BIL, it’s very awkward for families in these situations, they often end up stuck in the middle between their son and the ex, very unfair of him to put you all in that situation!

Purplecatshopaholic Thu 29-Oct-20 09:46:12

Wow, how awkward. The ow has a brass neck doesn’t she! It’s way too soon and frankly the mil should have said that, and/or asked your bil to wait for a bit. Not sure I would go if it were me.

yvanka Thu 29-Oct-20 09:46:20

Are his children going to the meal? If so that's disgusting.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously Thu 29-Oct-20 09:46:23

I don't think it's relevant that it's DH's side of the family - we all have our own moral standards and no one has a right to expect you to compromise yours.
SIL has been part of this family for years and now everyone is expected to condone both his cheating and his attempt to slot another woman into his wife's place after two weeks. That's grim, by anyone's standards.
I couldn't sit there and be polite. I'd actually be quite worried about my own husband's moral compass if he was okay with this

MindyStClaire Thu 29-Oct-20 09:49:41

YANBU, but I'd fall in with whatever DH wanted given it's his side. I'd be making me feelings perfectly clear to DH though.

goldenharvest Thu 29-Oct-20 09:50:03

I would attend but sit quietly and leave as soon as possible. Maybe have an excuse ready like babysitter can't stay long. Your DHs attitude is off imo. I would be discussing with him how you feel, because he is condoning shitty behaviour and that would make me worry about him doing the same.

almondfingers22 Thu 29-Oct-20 09:51:37

I can’t understand why your Mil feels she can’t say anything. Course she could. Only “slightly” uncomfortable? shock

It’s far too early for any visits like that with new girlfriend. Mil needs to show a bit more loyalty to the mother of her grandchildren.

She could so easily run into difficulties with her relationship with them if she’s too accommodating with this new woman.

Icequeen01 Thu 29-Oct-20 09:52:17

YNBU It's far too soon and I don't care what the back story is between the 3 of them. Your BIL is rushing things and it is a subtle two fingers up to his wife. Totally insensitive.

We had a similar situation in our family with my BIL. It took a long time before they were accepted as a couple within the family. Too many family dynamics at play. My now SIL (who I do get on with) knew that BIL was married with children when she started the relationship so was as much to blame for the hurt caused as he was.

willloman Thu 29-Oct-20 10:05:49

Way too soon...How would you (or mother in law) feel in SIL place?
Nix it.

FangsForTheMemory Thu 29-Oct-20 10:07:31

It’s awful and he’s doing it to crap on his wife. What’s the betting it’s all over FB the same evening?

KitNCaboodle Thu 29-Oct-20 10:08:19

This is totally shitty behaviour and the whole event is going to be awkward or fake or both. Why are the family pandering to your BIL?

MyOwnSummer Thu 29-Oct-20 10:08:44

Totally understand how you feel, OP. I wouldn't want to go in your shoes. I'd have fantasies about making it super uncomfortable for him and knowing me, in that situation, I might just have a few drinks and go for it. Or worse, sit quietly and fume. It will be a shit experience for you either way, so why bother?

Why is he dragging this woman into family life so quickly? Does he want validation, respect, acceptance? You're more than within your rights to refuse that.

Nothing wrong with distancing yourself out of respect for the ex wife and your nieces/nephews who deserve respect and consideration.

picosandsancerre Thu 29-Oct-20 10:09:36

2 weeks since he moved out....MIL says she cant say anything? Really - sorry but that would a no from me. BIL can make his own choices and break up his own family. However it doesnt mean I would be skipping in after two weeks to join a family meal with his OW.

I would feel dreadful for his poor wife and DC. It is bad enough his betrayal without the rest of the family ignoring the hurt and betrayal and playing happy families with the OW. God how awful...let them get on with it

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