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Row with DH over toddler clothes...

(232 Posts)
WeeWelshWoman Thu 29-Oct-20 08:44:28

This morning, my husband wanted to put our toddler in exactly the same jeans and jumper he wore yesterday (changed vest and t-shirt). I asked him to at least change the jumper because otherwise it looked like we were sending our child out in exactly the same clothes two days in a row.

He got huffy and said it was insane when I said sometimes other mums/ nursery staff may talk and I just wanted the jumper swapped. That he could wear it on the weekend instead if it was ok.

My husband thinks that other parents never comment on children wearing the same clothes two or three days in a row. I disagree (memories from school and being bullied about it). I pointed out that as a guy, any negative comments would never be made towards him, but to me.

He says I'm putting my experiences on our son. I agree, to a point, but I want to stop this lazy just grabbing the nearest items that sort of look clean enough habit now, before it does become an issue.

For reference, I was a free school meals kid for most of my childhood. My husband is from a much pushed background and went to boarding school. I think this may have impacted his view on this.

AIBU to not want my son to go to nursery in exactly the same clothes two or three days in a row?

I'm not adverse to reusing clean clothes. I just don't want him visibly in the same outfit.

OP’s posts: |
MoistMolly Thu 29-Oct-20 08:45:44

I really don't think anyone would notice.

Shoxfordian Thu 29-Oct-20 08:46:09

I doubt anyone cares or even notices his outfit
As long as its clean then it doesn't matter

Sertchgi123 Thu 29-Oct-20 08:46:24

If clothes are still clean, then it makes no sense to change them. End of.

Thepilotlightsgoneout Thu 29-Oct-20 08:46:39

I think YABU, sorry. I get your point about bullying but that’s later on, it’s not an issue for a 2 year old.

BabyLlamaZen Thu 29-Oct-20 08:47:36

Tbh I really wouldn't worry about it op, I dont think rewearing the same jumper is a sign of less money. But it clearly bothers you so yes dh should listen as it makes you happy and it's not that hard.

JemimaTiggywinkle Thu 29-Oct-20 08:48:40

I think for kids it’s probably fine - but understand why you don’t want to.

I wouldn’t wear the same jacket to work two days in a row... but I’m not washing it between.

Ratatcat Thu 29-Oct-20 08:48:50

I wouldn’t ever send a child to nursery in the same clothes. I just don’t think it’s much effort to have clean ones and mine are always very grubby when they come home and even if they’re clean, I think there is a nursery smell.

BabyLlamaZen Thu 29-Oct-20 08:48:51

Fwiw it's always the families with less money desperately trying to put kids in the best oitfits etc. The really wealthy ones tend to stick to a few decent outfits and not care what people think!

Clymene Thu 29-Oct-20 08:48:52

No one will notice and even fewer people will care. It's not lazy to wear the same clothes two days in a row.

I think your background has impacted your view. Your husband's behaviour is totally normal

SpeccyLime Thu 29-Oct-20 08:48:55

I don’t think anyone would notice or care about the jumper, but I think your husband was being a bit of a dick to make a big fuss about it when you asked him to change. You have a concern about it, based on your own experiences - it wouldn’t have cost him anything to swap it for the sake of not causing needless drama.

Bagelsandbrie Thu 29-Oct-20 08:48:57

I can see what you mean but the poshest and richest people I know are often the scruffiest....! I don’t think anyone cares.

AlexaShutUp Thu 29-Oct-20 08:49:06

I find it a bit weird that you're happy to re-use clothes if they're clean enough, and that this is all about what other people think.

Have confidence in your own judgements.

WeeWelshWoman Thu 29-Oct-20 08:49:35

@Shoxfordian they probably don't at nursery, but they do later at school. I remember being bullied by girls who said their mums said I was too poor to have more than one outfit. I know he's a little away from that, but my DH is somewhat resistant to change, if he gets in to it's ok to wear exactly the same thing two or three days in a row now - he'll keep doing that all through primary school.

I just don't think asking to have a different jumper was a big deal. My husband and I also have different views on clean. He'll grab stuff that I can see is visibly stained and say it smells ok (not the case this morning). Or, 'it'll just get messy later'. I'd rather just have something clean from the offset.

OP’s posts: |
Conair Thu 29-Oct-20 08:49:54

I'm fussy with clothes but if clothes are clean then what's the issue. People are too busy going about their lives to notice and at the age of two the children are certainly not going to notice or care.
Wait till they are 13 and have a favourite jumper they wear continually despite your objections!

Sceptre86 Thu 29-Oct-20 08:50:14

I get what you mean. I will keep my dd or ds in the same jeans or leggings if they are clean but change the jumper. Sometimes they will just have another outfit and can rewear the other clothes at the weekend. My kids are more likely to dirty the top whilst at nursery which is why it gets changed most regularly. I don't think other people tend to notice what they wear though.

WeeWelshWoman Thu 29-Oct-20 08:50:56

@alexashutup I am happy to reuse but not two days on the trot. Or reuse some of the outfit. I had no problem reusing the jeans, but I wanted him in a different jumper.

OP’s posts: |
Shoxfordian Thu 29-Oct-20 08:51:01

Didn't you wear uniform at primary school?

Fedupmum88 Thu 29-Oct-20 08:52:25

Yanbu! I can’t imagine my children keeping clothes clean enough to wear for more than one day tbh!

MeredithGreysScalpel Thu 29-Oct-20 08:52:32

I get where you’re coming from for an older child, but at nursery No one is going to bully your child for wearing the same clothes 2 days running. Staff will notice dirty clothing being reused (socks and underwear particularly), but that’s all.

WeeWelshWoman Thu 29-Oct-20 08:53:09

Thanks @sceptre86 - yeah, he gets tops grubby most. Food, paint etc.

I know they won't notice at 2, but from experience they notice at 4/5/6. I just don't want to go through that again.

OP’s posts: |
WeeWelshWoman Thu 29-Oct-20 08:53:48

@Shoxfordian nope. Most children didn't.

OP’s posts: |
Noshowlomo Thu 29-Oct-20 08:53:59

My DS is 20 months and we put clean clothes on him every day, never what he had on the day before. The only thing he will wear that he had on the day before is PJs. I have never thought of putting the same stuff on him even if they’re clean. Don’t know why, just not something we’ve ever done.

AliMonkey Thu 29-Oct-20 08:55:20

I never worried about this when DC were small but as DC13 is obsessed with wearing one hoodie I do wonder if others think he has no other clothes. For myself I do try not to wear the same item two days running to the same place eg work but if at home tend to wear same top two days running as more efficient in terms of keeping on top of the washing!

So I can see your point of view but probably wouldn’t feel strongly enough to tell DH not to, as better to choose your battles!

SnuggyBuggy Thu 29-Oct-20 08:55:21

The odd day if they're clean and your behind on laundry isn't so bad but I'd try not to make a habit of it.

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