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AIBU?

Surviving maternity leave with MIL

69 replies

LemonTree83 · 28/10/2020 11:29

Hi everyone,
Hope you can give me some much needed advice. My MIL lives with us (long and complicated story, can't get her out unless she hates it here and leaves of her own free will). So i can't stand the woman as she's really opinionated, rude and argumentstive but I'm stuck in this situation for now. My DH is great and very supportive but i don't really give a toss what she thinks of me so I just leave him to deal with her which seems to work fine as we have a huge house so we each have our own space I can just do my own thing. The trouble is that she doesn't work and I'm starting maternity leave in a few months so am worried about being stuck at home with her a lot and having a breakdown. Any tips on how to make the best of a crap situation and survive? x

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LemonTree83 · 28/10/2020 16:45

*argumentative

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Meowza74 · 28/10/2020 16:47

Why the hell does she live there against your wishes? Is it your house?

Meowza74 · 28/10/2020 16:47

Can you put locks on "your" part of the house, or at least some rooms?

NationalShiteYear · 28/10/2020 16:47

Well either you own the house and you tell her to leave, or she owns the house and you leave.

Unless you both own the house?

Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be.

doadeer · 28/10/2020 16:47

Not sure what to suggest - lots and lots of pram walks and coffees out of the house!

OwlinaTree · 28/10/2020 16:48

Go out a lot? Why did you agree to her living with you in the first place?

mrsmrt1981 · 28/10/2020 16:51

Is it her house? Can you move? Sorry if that’s not helpful. Not sure what else would help

LemonTree83 · 28/10/2020 16:56

Thanks everyone. It's mine and DH's house. She lives with us because of cultural expectations and she is widowed and has nowhere else to go. Very difficult to explain but it really is the norm in our culture. There are also other reasons but can't state them all here because I'll out myself. Looks like lots of coffees out will be needed! She doesn't come into our bedroom and I'll prob put a lock in our living room

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Gazelda · 28/10/2020 16:58

Join ante natal groups, NCT if that's your sort of thing.
Get yourself to as many groups as possible after baby's born. You'll hopefully form some strong friendships and it'll get you out of the house.
Encourage MIL to get some hobbies, join some groups.
Tell her you're having the other mums and babies round every Thursday morning, so she might want to make herself scarce because of the baby noise.

I can't imagine living with someone I hate. Let alone facing mat leave in the same house. Is there no way you can change this arrangement?

Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2020 16:59

Does she have her own kitchen and bathroom? If not, I'd be building them.

Nottherealslimshady · 28/10/2020 17:00

Yep lock off your own spaces and make sure you have everything you need in there so you only have to be around her when you want to not just because you want a cuppa.

AnotherEmma · 28/10/2020 17:00

Fuck the reasons. I wouldn't have her living with me. Don't come crying to us when you're at breaking point! You've made your bed, now you have to lie in it! Or kick her out.

LemonTree83 · 28/10/2020 17:02

@Aquamarine1029 - she has her own bathroom and living room in addition to her bedroom. So generally it works ok in terms of privacy.The only shared area is the kitchen which is the problem area. It's the only time I have to see and speak to her - when she's in the kitchen at the same time.

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Coldwinds · 28/10/2020 17:03

Invest in your bedroom. Make it a mini apartment. Lock on the door.

diddl · 28/10/2020 17:05

If the house is huge then you need your own areas & to be able to not let her in if you don't want to.

Do you have your own kitchen or are you expected to cook & eat each meal with her?

What happened to her house when her husband died?

AnotherEmma · 28/10/2020 17:06

[quote LemonTree83]@Aquamarine1029 - she has her own bathroom and living room in addition to her bedroom. So generally it works ok in terms of privacy.The only shared area is the kitchen which is the problem area. It's the only time I have to see and speak to her - when she's in the kitchen at the same time.[/quote]
Hmmm. Could you put a mini kitchenette in her living room? There are clever solutions where you can hide it all behind cupboard doors.

If she could make herself breakfast and hot drinks that would help a bit, then you'd only have lunch and dinner together still too much.

diddl · 28/10/2020 17:06

X post there!

LemonTree83 · 28/10/2020 17:07

@anotheremma - re me having made my bed and coming crying to you all when I'm at breaking point...there's really no need to say all that. I don't expect anyone to understand the cultural reasons behind this or the financial issues, but maybe just be nice? I just asked a very specific question, around tips for coping on mat leave and thankfully have had some helpful replies. I said in my initial post that I can't kick her out for a number of reasons. Nobody chooses to be in this situation, I am just trying to make the best of a less than ideal situation

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LemonTree83 · 28/10/2020 17:08

@AnotherEmma - thanks I've just seen your suggestions! x

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AnotherEmma · 28/10/2020 17:09

I thought better of my harsh comment and decided to try and make myself useful

Dishwashersaurous · 28/10/2020 17:10

Put a mini kitchen in her bit of the house. Kettle, fridge etc

LemonTree83 · 28/10/2020 17:11

I love the kitchenette idea. Will look into that thank you. I also don't sit and eat meals with her. It's literally just being in the kitchen at the same time that sometimes causes issues. Her husband didn't work so they had no money and she couldn't pay the mortgage. If we ever did kick her out then she'd have nowhere to go and we would have to either buy her a flat or rent one for her which we can't afford.

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diddl · 28/10/2020 17:12

A kitchenette would be a good idea if workable-or her own kitchen if the house is huge enough!

I think all you can do though is not get drawn in to anything that might cause arguments, just non commital "noises"!

I'm guessing that downsizing isn't an option!

MichelleofzeResistance · 28/10/2020 17:12

If your house is large enough can you invest in a small fridge, microwave and kettle so you can keep yours (and baby's in a while) favourite and key bits stocked up and to hand and have cups of tea/snacks without needing to go into a shared area if you don't want to?

LemonTree83 · 28/10/2020 17:13

Thanks @AnotherEmma - sorry for my emotional response too. highly emotional and crazy at the moment

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