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to wonder whether its worth bothering to KOKO?

(37 Posts)
PyongyangKipperbang Wed 28-Oct-20 01:10:51

2 years ago today my husband tried to kill me. My statement was fucked up so he has never faced charges.

Yesterday I was laid off. Not been there long enough to get severance. No jobs in my sector and everyone who is being laid off in my sector is chasing the same few jobs in retail etc that are out there.

I have lost 6 stone in the last 2 years (needed to but still, not done in a healthy way) and I am not able to pay my mortgage or bills after this month.

Why am I bothering? Thinking I should just give up and pack it in. Let the bank have the fucking house, and to hell with it.

OP’s posts: |
TaraR2020 Wed 28-Oct-20 01:35:21

I'm so sorry you've been through all this, very few people could imagine what you went through with your husband and it's still very recent really, so I don't doubt it still affects you and your life in many ways.

To go through all that, which must I assume involved leaving a highly abusive relationship, takes enormous courage and fortitude. Please don't give up now.

Are you able to apply for benefits? Any help with your monthly finances will make a difference and the bank and utility companies may well give you a break on your payments to give you some breathing space while you figure out your next steps.

In terms of job hunting, without knowing your background I don't think I can give more than general advice but I've seen enough of mumsnet to know that if you reach out, career advice will be available to you. Fairly recently, careers coaches have posted in AMA and they might be able to help you right now.

Would you be able to take in a lodger to help with bills?

I'm certain others will be along with more suggestions and advice to help you out as well, and I'll keep thinking in the meantime.

You've come so far, and I understand how despairing you must be right now but you will come through this too and things will get better. Reach out to your GP for support and help and do a search for local funds that might be available to you - there are local charities that can give financial assistance during acute hardship- I'll check a link for you.

You're not alone, people here and here for you and you will come out the other side of this. Just take it one day at a time - one hour at a time if you need to.

Please also reach out to Samaritans (UK 116 123, or even emergency services you find yourself in the middle of a mental health crisis.

TaraR2020 Wed 28-Oct-20 01:36:46 will give an idea of benefit entitlement but is also a good starting point for looking for any grants you might be eligible to apply for. Good luck

gettingbetter2020 Wed 28-Oct-20 02:07:19

Oh my, you are going through an extremely rough time, one that most people would have no idea in the slightest how it feels. I really feel for you.
First and foremost, PLEASE don't give up. You are worthy, your life is important, and the world needs you. I can tell you're a strong person because you are a survivor! You have survived the worst and made it to here. It might seem like it wasn't worth it but trust me, things get better. You are at rock bottom, which means that now is the time for things to get better.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, you need to get professional help for your mental health, this is an emergency. You are worth their time. Your life matters.
Things you can do:
-Call Samaritans, 24 hours a day on this number: 116123 to get professional help, even just to tell them what you've told us. Make the first step now.
-Tell your doctor you would like anti-depressants, or different medication if you are already on them. From first hand experience, it is so helpful.
-It sounds like you would benefit from counselling. Your doctor can arrange this too, be clear with what you need.
-Call on your support system. Anyone who has lost a loved one to mental health struggles will tell you they wish the person would have reached out sooner. If you feel like You don't have anyone in your life, we are here for you. Samaritans are there for you. You are worth our time.
-Get financial help, get benefits, get universal credit, do what you can. That's what it's there for.

Please keep pushing through this difficult time. I believe in you. You are strong enough to get through this.

FloraButterCookie Wed 28-Oct-20 03:50:20

I’m sorry your going through such a rough time OP❤️

PyongyangKipperbang Wed 28-Oct-20 03:57:50

Thank you

Please dont worry, I am not suicidalor suffering MH issues, I just... cant help wondering why I have bothered fighting so hard when I have ended up no better off

But, really, thank you xx

OP’s posts: |
eaglejulesk Wed 28-Oct-20 04:34:04

Just wanted to send you flowers and I hope things get better for you.

Hailtomyteeth Wed 28-Oct-20 04:57:29

I hear you!
It's thirty-five years since my then-husband tried to kill me. A lot has happened since. Cherish your inner self, treat yourself with loving-kindness. Whatever outward things change, you can still be happy and at peace. Took me fucking years to learn that!

AnyOldPrion Wed 28-Oct-20 05:20:30

This is a shitty time for lots of people, so those who started out in a bad position already must be feeling doubly shafted. But you’ve left your abusive asshole and that’s a start. And I hope that at some point, things will start to get better with the unemployment situation. Good luck, OP. My situation was slightly different, but it took me a year to get full time work after leaving an abusive marriage. I finally got one though, and life is looking better. Best of luck.

Summerhillsquare Wed 28-Oct-20 05:33:45

No advice OP, but I hear you. The whole thing seems like a bloody endless ballache sometimes, doesn't it?

TokyoSushi Wed 28-Oct-20 05:48:45

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this. You were always so kind to me a few, years ago explaining the intracasies(?) of North Korea and other things. I often wondered where you had gone and I'm sorry it was for such an awful reason.

Please don't give up, you always struck me as a lovely person, and you can get through this too. Sending lots of luck, life really is awful sometimes. flowers

Jamhandprints Wed 28-Oct-20 05:52:33

Sorry you've been through so much OP. @TaraR2020 gave great advice.
Try and finish each day by thinking of one thing that was hard and 3 things that went well, even small things.
I hope you get some better days soon.

Lowhum Wed 28-Oct-20 06:10:59

Hi OP, please contact your local authority and ask about any schemes to support you with employment. They can also direct you to food bank support too.

dewdropps Thu 29-Oct-20 01:57:21

You are already better off!! You could have died. Your are alive, it may take years but it will be worth it! The world needs good people like you to keep the likes of your ex husband in the minority. On a very small scale just think about you going to the shops, chatting nicely etc everyday stuff, actually how many lives you could make an impact on daily without knowing. Tiny things are big enough to change lives. You aren't nobody, you may never realise how important you are to somebody xxx

TaraR2020 Thu 29-Oct-20 02:47:24

I'm glad your mental health is holding up ok and I hope you are feeling a bit more able to deal with it all today?

I just noticed this post on one of the other forums about grants for those in need right now and thought of you, so in case you haven't seen it:

I wish that life came with some sort of innate rule that a horrific experience gave you immunity from more, at least for a time, but some people sadly just seem to suffer a more than others. It is absolutely unfair that you have to deal with all this so soon after your ex.

Keep your head up high, you can do this. flowers

dewdropps Thu 29-Oct-20 03:35:31

@TaraR2020 agree some people have more bad luck than they deserve. Life can be so unfair. My auntie recently died in her late 90s, but spent years alone, her kids and ex husband dies before her, awful stuff; but she's 80 she met a new man, even at that age spent the last decade of her life in life and happy with him. You couldn't predict that but the worse moments mean you Appreciate all the positives to the max. I don't think many rich people are ever that happy. It's the little things zzz

BigBigPumpkin Thu 29-Oct-20 03:43:07

Maybe time to reinvent yourself. Easier before COVID, but look into what jobs or volunteering you could do abroad. Sell the house, move into rental, work out who you are. Travel a bit once you're allowed to. Pick a new career direction.

Best of luck x

PyongyangKipperbang Thu 29-Oct-20 19:11:55

Thanks guys.

Still feeling a bit down, I said to my friend earlier "Can I be someone else for a bit? It sucks being me" grin

However, I do have things to be thankful for. My neighbour and friend popped round earlier and told me he is taking me to pub to cheer me up!

And you guys, you really help. Thank you so much xxx

OP’s posts: |
TaraR2020 Mon 02-Nov-20 01:17:57

Op how are you doing now?
Hope you've had some luck with job hunting, finding some financial support and speaking to mortgage provider etc?
Thinking of you!

PyongyangKipperbang Mon 02-Nov-20 01:24:09


Op how are you doing now?
Hope you've had some luck with job hunting, finding some financial support and speaking to mortgage provider etc?
Thinking of you!

Not so much tbh, you know things are supposed to come in three's?!

However, big girl pants on, I will get there. Thank you for thinking of me, it means more than I am able to articulate x

OP’s posts: |
Hollyhocksarenotmessy Tue 03-Nov-20 11:09:03

I'm here cheering you on. I've hit absolute rock bottom twice in my life, and I know that feeling of being on a hamster wheel and running and running and working hard and struggling, and getting nowhere. It's natural to think why the fuck am i bothering.

We bother because life goes on and eventually there is always change. We keep bothering because that's how we can make it a change for the better, through tiny steps.
You'll feel better if you can identify one small thing you can control and do it. Apply for the benefits you are entitled to. Think about what sort of work will be in demand. Research how you get into that. Work on your TV. Research free training. Find a lodger to help financially.

TaraR2020 Thu 05-Nov-20 13:37:02

I'm sorry fates delivered more to your door :/ deep breaths - you'll see it through, it can take time to get things sorted (as I'm sure you know). Keep us updated as to how you're getting on flowers

RJnomore1 Thu 12-Nov-20 23:05:36

@PyongyangKipperbang mate I am just seeing this. Hope you are ok? I’m here if you want to talk.

It’s utterly shit but it will not be forever.

PyongyangKipperbang Fri 13-Nov-20 00:02:56


Thank you. Miss you.

Had an interview today, its between me and someone else. Got a horrible feeling it wont be me....

You know when you know that the universe is taking a big shit on you?! I'll let you know xx

OP’s posts: |
RJnomore1 Fri 13-Nov-20 00:07:06

I shall keep everything crossed and the nespresso on standby xx

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