To be upset my DP tells me I'm attractive and not beautiful

[attractivenotbeautiful]

DP and I have been together for 4 years. After our very first date, he text me to say he had a great time and told me that I'm very attractive. He is lovely, compliments me regularly and jokes that he is punching above his weight because I am more attractive than him. However, he has never told me I am beautiful. :( AIBU to be upset about this? Beautiful seems more personal and affectionate, "attractive" I think is quite vague. Yes, I am aware this is quite a shallow post. I just want my boyfriend to tell me he thinks I am beautiful instead of "attractive".

[orangejuicer]

I'm sorry OP but I think you're being a teensy bit unreasonable here. Just learn to enjoy the compliments for what they are.

[HelpMeh]

unless he's harping on calling other people beautiful while you are left as merely attractive, maybe it's just not a word he uses to describe people 🤷‍♀️

If this is your only gripe with the man after four years then I think I'd let it go. It's not like he's calling you a hound.

[Greeneyes78]

Everyone but my boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful although he did once say out of the blue when I was at the hairdressers and complaining I looked like a drowned rat. Don’t worry about it op.

[Pringlemonster]

I’ve been married 25 years ,he’s never told me I’m beautiful.
told me he loves me ,
But actually can’t even remember him saying I’m attractive either .

Right that’s it going to LTB

[AlmostAlwyn]

Sounds like you're overthinking it. What do you compliment him on?

[BeanieB2020]

Most of the people I find attractive I wouldn't call "beautiful". I'm just not in to the "beauty" thing. He clearly is attracted to you so I think "attractive" is definitely not an indicator that he thinks you any less than!

[CarterBeatsTheDevil]

Does he describe anyone else as "beautiful"? I had a friend whose husband never told her she was beautiful (she was!) but would describe other women who they both knew as beautiful and I could see why that would upset her. But if it just isn't something he says I would try to talk myself out of worrying about it.

[Porridgeoat]

I think you’re being silly. Beauty is all in the eye of the beholder. He finds you attractive. The two are the same thing

[Minxmumma]

Seriously if this is the biggest problem in your life then you are incredibly lucky.

He gives you compliments and you still want more? Wait until you've been married a decade or so........

[LifesNotEnidBlyton]

Some people just use certain words over others. He might find some soppy. Think yourself lucky you aren't a teenager today whose ambition is probably to be told they're "banging", or "extra" or some other such nonsense. Do you tell him he's sexy or hot ever?

[NeonGenesis]

You're being ridiculous. He is complimenting your appearance but you're unhappy because he's not using the specific word that you would like?

Just tell him you prefer beautiful to attractive. Problem solved.

[cariadlet]

What a daft thing to get upset over.



I've been with dp for over 20 years and he's never called me beautiful. I'm not beautiful and would find it ridiculous and weird if he said that I was. Instead he'll occasionally comment on sonething specific that he finds gorgeous. Objectively, that's not strictly true either but it clearly is to him so is more believable and meaningful.

[TheFuckingDogs]

I think he’s just using a different word from the sound of it. Many many moons ago when me and dh were first dating he made the mistake of calling me curvy 🤣 He was flabbergasted that young size 8 me basically felt he had called me fat - he genuinely felt that curvy was a compliment and I was raging!

[littlepeas]

Don't be ridiculous OP, there is no problem here.

[HamHock]

Have you ever told him he is beautiful?

Don’t think my DH has ever called me beautiful but then I’m not beautiful, so it’s fine. As long as he is attracted to you who cares? It’s just a word and a bit of a cheesy one at that!

[littlepeas]

Ps - I would say attractive is actually better than beautiful, because it can be applied to all sorts of things about you, not just the way you look. Think of beauty as the still image, like a photo, and being attractive is the whole, animated package of a person.

[OooErrThor]

I'm husband tells me I look like a Princess, Princess Fiona

I'm afraid you are being shallow, he probably doesn't differentiate between the two words like you do.

[lazyarse123]

Maybe he's not as shallow as you. My dh never tells me i'm beautiful because i'm not. But he does tell me he loves me I don't need to know why.

[2me2u2u2me]

@Pringlemonster

I’ve been married 25 years ,he’s never told me I’m beautiful.
told me he loves me ,
But actually can’t even remember him saying I’m attractive either .

Right that’s it going to LTB

Love it

[Shoxfordian]

He probably means the same thing by saying attractive and beautiful. You're overthinking it

[moita]

Ha. My DH of 8 years has never called me beautiful (I'm not). I've never called him beautiful either.

Do you have really low self esteem?

[KatherineJaneway]

Are you beautiful?

[HeronLanyon]

There are so few people who are ‘beautiful’ - the kind who take your breath away. He may just have respect for the language !
I personally would prefer ‘good looking’ or ‘attractive’ - they seem real and huge compliment. ‘Beautiful’ feels like it would be a platitude (unless you are actually beautiful op).

[Ohtherewearethen]

This is ridiculous. You sound high maintenance. Surely being attractive is better than beautiful? It means that he is attracted to everything about you. People can be beautiful without being attractive because beauty is only skin deep. Being attractive means you attract people. A piece of furniture can be beautiful but it doesn't mean people find it attractive and want to have a relationship with it.

[NorthernBirdAtHeart]

Yes, YABU