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To be upset my DP tells me I'm attractive and not beautiful

(205 Posts)
attractivenotbeautiful Mon 26-Oct-20 05:17:11

DP and I have been together for 4 years. After our very first date, he text me to say he had a great time and told me that I'm very attractive. He is lovely, compliments me regularly and jokes that he is punching above his weight because I am more attractive than him. However, he has never told me I am beautiful. sad AIBU to be upset about this? Beautiful seems more personal and affectionate, "attractive" I think is quite vague. Yes, I am aware this is quite a shallow post. I just want my boyfriend to tell me he thinks I am beautiful instead of "attractive".

OP’s posts: |
orangejuicer Mon 26-Oct-20 05:19:44

I'm sorry OP but I think you're being a teensy bit unreasonable here. Just learn to enjoy the compliments for what they are.

HelpMeh Mon 26-Oct-20 05:25:11

confusedconfused unless he's harping on calling other people beautiful while you are left as merely attractive, maybe it's just not a word he uses to describe people 🤷‍♀️

If this is your only gripe with the man after four years then I think I'd let it go. It's not like he's calling you a hound.

Greeneyes78 Mon 26-Oct-20 05:30:57

Everyone but my boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful although he did once say out of the blue when I was at the hairdressers and complaining I looked like a drowned rat. Don’t worry about it op.

Pringlemonster Mon 26-Oct-20 05:35:11

I’ve been married 25 years ,he’s never told me I’m beautiful.
told me he loves me ,
But actually can’t even remember him saying I’m attractive either .

Right that’s it going to LTB

AlmostAlwyn Mon 26-Oct-20 05:38:04

Sounds like you're overthinking it. What do you compliment him on?

BeanieB2020 Mon 26-Oct-20 05:39:46

Most of the people I find attractive I wouldn't call "beautiful". I'm just not in to the "beauty" thing. He clearly is attracted to you so I think "attractive" is definitely not an indicator that he thinks you any less than!

CarterBeatsTheDevil Mon 26-Oct-20 05:39:52

Does he describe anyone else as "beautiful"? I had a friend whose husband never told her she was beautiful (she was!) but would describe other women who they both knew as beautiful and I could see why that would upset her. But if it just isn't something he says I would try to talk myself out of worrying about it.

Porridgeoat Mon 26-Oct-20 05:49:29

I think you’re being silly. Beauty is all in the eye of the beholder. He finds you attractive. The two are the same thing

Minxmumma Mon 26-Oct-20 05:52:59

Seriously if this is the biggest problem in your life then you are incredibly lucky.

He gives you compliments and you still want more? Wait until you've been married a decade or so........ hmm

LifesNotEnidBlyton Mon 26-Oct-20 05:54:48

Some people just use certain words over others. He might find some soppy. Think yourself lucky you aren't a teenager today whose ambition is probably to be told they're "banging", or "extra" or some other such nonsense. Do you tell him he's sexy or hot ever?

NeonGenesis Mon 26-Oct-20 05:54:57

You're being ridiculous. He is complimenting your appearance but you're unhappy because he's not using the specific word that you would like?

Just tell him you prefer beautiful to attractive. Problem solved.

cariadlet Mon 26-Oct-20 06:01:21

What a daft thing to get upset over.

I've been with dp for over 20 years and he's never called me beautiful. I'm not beautiful and would find it ridiculous and weird if he said that I was. Instead he'll occasionally comment on sonething specific that he finds gorgeous. Objectively, that's not strictly true either but it clearly is to him so is more believable and meaningful.

TheFuckingDogs Mon 26-Oct-20 06:01:59

I think he’s just using a different word from the sound of it. Many many moons ago when me and dh were first dating he made the mistake of calling me curvy 🤣 He was flabbergasted that young size 8 me basically felt he had called me fat - he genuinely felt that curvy was a compliment and I was raging!

littlepeas Mon 26-Oct-20 06:06:56

Don't be ridiculous OP, there is no problem here.

HamHock Mon 26-Oct-20 06:08:43

Have you ever told him he is beautiful?

Don’t think my DH has ever called me beautiful but then I’m not beautiful, so it’s fine. As long as he is attracted to you who cares? It’s just a word and a bit of a cheesy one at that!

littlepeas Mon 26-Oct-20 06:10:25

Ps - I would say attractive is actually better than beautiful, because it can be applied to all sorts of things about you, not just the way you look. Think of beauty as the still image, like a photo, and being attractive is the whole, animated package of a person.

OooErrThor Mon 26-Oct-20 06:10:55

I'm husband tells me I look like a Princess, Princess Fiona grin

I'm afraid you are being shallow, he probably doesn't differentiate between the two words like you do.

lazyarse123 Mon 26-Oct-20 06:11:14

Maybe he's not as shallow as you. My dh never tells me i'm beautiful because i'm not. But he does tell me he loves me I don't need to know why.

2me2u2u2me Mon 26-Oct-20 06:11:53


I’ve been married 25 years ,he’s never told me I’m beautiful.
told me he loves me ,
But actually can’t even remember him saying I’m attractive either .

Right that’s it going to LTB

Love it grin

Shoxfordian Mon 26-Oct-20 06:12:33

He probably means the same thing by saying attractive and beautiful. You're overthinking it

moita Mon 26-Oct-20 06:14:45

Ha. My DH of 8 years has never called me beautiful (I'm not). I've never called him beautiful either.

Do you have really low self esteem?

KatherineJaneway Mon 26-Oct-20 06:16:29

Are you beautiful?

HeronLanyon Mon 26-Oct-20 06:18:47

There are so few people who are ‘beautiful’ - the kind who take your breath away. He may just have respect for the language !
I personally would prefer ‘good looking’ or ‘attractive’ - they seem real and huge compliment. ‘Beautiful’ feels like it would be a platitude (unless you are actually beautiful op).

Ohtherewearethen Mon 26-Oct-20 06:19:26

This is ridiculous. You sound high maintenance. Surely being attractive is better than beautiful? It means that he is attracted to everything about you. People can be beautiful without being attractive because beauty is only skin deep. Being attractive means you attract people. A piece of furniture can be beautiful but it doesn't mean people find it attractive and want to have a relationship with it.

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