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To wonder how my mum can have such little self awareness?

(95 Posts)
Rhine Sun 25-Oct-20 09:31:49

Just that really. DM has always been difficult and very unpredictable. Moody and sulky, but also extremely opinionated to the point of rudeness. She can’t accept anyone having a different opinion to that of her own and had upset and offended people in the past because of it.

Yesterday she got into an argument on Facebook with a neighbour over the Welsh lockdown. Effectively told them that it was only two weeks and they should ‘stop whinging’. Other people told DM she was out of order and she needs to pipe down, she won’t accept this because she’s ‘ entitled to an opinion’. Yes, and so is everyone else. A concept she doesn’t seem to grasp.

On top of this she claims she had a really bad day yesterday and felt ‘fed up’. But she ‘never moans’. My jaw hit the floor. She never fucking stops moaning, in fact I’ve never met who moans as much. She moaned constantly through the last lockdown ffs!

AIBU to wonder how she can lack such awareness with regards to her behaviour?

OP’s posts: |
JamminDoughnuts Sun 25-Oct-20 09:33:03

tell her to step away from facebook
it is not helpful to have arguments over

ssd Sun 25-Oct-20 09:33:44

Narcissistic people never see themselves and what they are like, they think they are great and everyone else is wrong.

IWillWearTallGhostlyWellies Sun 25-Oct-20 09:34:28

YANBU at all, you appear to have a female version of my FIL, who "never moans" except when he opens his mouth. We can share his opinion or be wrong and a bit stupid.

Not much to add, but I stand in solidarity wondering how they've got through life with such behaviour.

Bbub Sun 25-Oct-20 09:37:19

My mum is exactly, EXACTLY the same. It's crap and exhausting, they won't change. The only way I manage it is spending a little time as possible with her. And that's after being NC for about 6 years.

YANBU!!

Orangesox Sun 25-Oct-20 09:37:21

I could’ve written this myself about my own mother. Narcissists have no self awareness, because to them only their thoughts, feelings, opinions, wants and needs exist. If she were a normal reasonable person I’d say YANBU.

It’s so sodding infuriating though... my mother cannot be happy for anyone (especially me!), she is always moaning about how hard done by she is, how she deserves to live a life better than everyone else’s, how she knows everything etc.

LilacCandle Sun 25-Oct-20 09:42:55

I sympathise. I have a nightmare of a mother too

Redwinestillfine Sun 25-Oct-20 09:54:18

Mute her on social media and don't engage. She won't change so why get stressed over it? Leave her to it and try not to get wound up.

grey12 Sun 25-Oct-20 09:57:44

Totally my mum as well!! Growing up when my mum was cold I had to wear a jacket hmm at least she doesn't get into arguments on facebook

murkoff Sun 25-Oct-20 09:59:16

Narcissistic because she had a row on facebook. really?

thecatsthecats Sun 25-Oct-20 10:00:14

I mean, I don't like the sound of her behaviour, but policing it is both unnecessary and not your job.

Mute her, and let her deal with the consequences of her own actions.

Thingsdogetbetter Sun 25-Oct-20 10:08:26

I play moan bingo with my stock answer of "oh dear". Full house and I get a glass/bottle of wine. grin

vampirethriller Sun 25-Oct-20 10:09:01

Mines the same. There's no point wondering about it or letting it get to you, you'll drive yourself batty. Just smile, nod and save your sanity.

Rhine Sun 25-Oct-20 11:09:39

IWillWearTallGhostlyWellies

YANBU at all, you appear to have a female version of my FIL, who "never moans" except when he opens his mouth. We can share his opinion or be wrong and a bit stupid.

Not much to add, but I stand in solidarity wondering how they've got through life with such behaviour.

Lol yes! This is my mum! She never moans about anything apparently, except she does all the bloody time!

It’s interesting that other posters have said she could be narcissistic as I’ve wondered if she’s one myself for a while. She comes from a narcissistic family, highly narcissistic mother and sister, so it’s very likely she’s one as well.

OP’s posts: |
SqidgeBum Sun 25-Oct-20 11:23:20

Sounds like my MIL, except she doesnt do politics, she just does everything else. She loves to moan about how hard her life is when in reality she came from a very rich and loving family, married a man who kept her and funded her spending habit, has never had to want for anything, and has her kids within a 40 minute drive so she can see the people she loves whenever she wants (my parents live abroad. I never see my family. She cant do a 2 week isolation without sobbing about how hard everything is and breaking it). If she wants something, she cries, like a child, until she gets what she wants. DHs family have enabled her for all their lives just to make their life easier.

People like this who moan and think their life is hard never see reality. They are too caught up in themselves. They love a moan, because it gets them attention, and they obviously learned at a young age that they are entitled to moan. Basically, theh are spoiled 8 year olds who never grew up.

I cant give any advise, only sympathy.

Rhine Sun 25-Oct-20 11:54:50

My DM has also been moaning about face coverings and how difficult they make it for her to breath. Drives me potty.

OP’s posts: |
user1471538283 Sun 25-Oct-20 12:09:53

My DM was exactly like this. Completely focused on herself all the time. Particularly how hard done by she was. She constantly wanted things, nothing was good enough, she was better than everyone, she was more intelligent. It was exhausting and upsetting. I just had nothing to do with her and I didn't mourn her

MatildaTheCat Sun 25-Oct-20 12:18:46

My DM has a very negative take on life. She will comment on things in a negative tone, point out all the bad bits. For example we were staying in an amazing place in the Tuscan hills and she said what a shame about the distant power cables. On a beautiful coastal walk and finds something to grumble about.

Weird thing is she honestly doesn’t think she’s moaning. Every now and again I’ll snap and tell her to stop moaning and she will always deny it. I tell her to take a bit of feedback that it sure as hell sounds like moaning.

Mostly I just internally roll my eyes and feel glad I’m not made that way.

Nanny0gg Sun 25-Oct-20 12:19:54

Rhine

My DM has also been moaning about face coverings and how difficult they make it for her to breath. Drives me potty.

Well she's not alone in that!

Thisischocolate Sun 25-Oct-20 12:23:56

Sounds exactly like my DM, and her DSis. She will fly into a rage, sometimes yelling and even screaming, at anyone who dares to challenge her behaviour or opinions. Displays all the classic signs of a narcissist, a term I’ve only recently really researched and she’s a textbook case.

As she’s got older these traits have become more extreme; her DSis has always been like this even as child, and definitely started showing narcissistic tendencies from then from what other relatives say who knew her. Her own DM (my GDM) used to say to her ‘what on earth is wrong with you?’ when she used to spout vitriol at others over a difference of opinion etc. My DM started showing these tendencies in her late 30’s and is now an awful person.

Now been NC for 7 years and it’s like a heavy cloud has been lifted from my life.

Some posters need to read the full post again - this isn’t just about a one-off Facebook row.

Flaxmeadow Sun 25-Oct-20 12:28:58

Narcissistic because she had a row on facebook. really?

This

"My mum is a narcissist" is the default position on MN for anyone who had a slight disagreement with their mother. I'm sure there are some who think thier mother shouldn't answer back, but just spend their time quietly babysitting grandchildren, knitting and baking cakes

OP
Maybe your mum comes from a generation when it was OK to debate issues without cries of "I'm offended" and "your words are hurting me" all the time

People often disgree on the issues of the day. So what

Rhine Sun 25-Oct-20 12:31:34

Thisischocolate yes, this is exactly what my DM is like. She went absolutely apeshit when she heard that DB and I voted Labour in the election for example because we hadn’t lived in the 1970’s and hadn’t got a ‘fucking clue what it’s like to live under a Labour government’. Bare in mind that Labour were in power from 1997 to 2010, which she conveniently forgot. Really she just had a problem with us not sharing her political views.

OP’s posts: |
BananaPop2020 Sun 25-Oct-20 12:33:54

I have a similar issue, my mother wallows in misery. She is just not happy unless she has something to complain about. It is so predictable and impossible to manage.

MalorieSnooty Sun 25-Oct-20 12:40:23

@Rhine

I know plenty of people like your mum who think that the 3 day week (1974) was under a Labour governmentconfusedhmmpeople will believe anything that chimes with their worldview...

myhobbyisouting Sun 25-Oct-20 12:47:22

Just hide her on Facebook

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