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Family and money - help!

(330 Posts)
notdawn Sat 24-Oct-20 19:48:46

I will try and keep this as brief as possible - but really would like some candid advice.

Towards the end of last year my sister and her now ex husband wanted to put their house on the market. Before they did my husband offered them full asking of the agents valuation. In all honesty he probably slightly overpaid.

My husband is a property developer and even when they were together my husband made it clear that if they ever wanted to sell to give us first refusal. We own the house next door (we don't live there) and with the land there was always going be a fairly decent opportunity to develop.

Anyway as it was going through my sister started making comments about how much money we would be making from the deal. The truth is she had and has no idea how much money we will or wont make as she has no idea about building costs, planning costs, marketing costs etc - and I just put it down to her going through a divorce.

Anyway the build was on hold for a couple of months - but the flats where our houses once were will be going on the market Monday and she has been quite vocal about how much money we will make and how we couldn't have done it without her.

AIBU - I mean she wanted to sell her house and we gave her asking price?

We are very close, our kids are close, I am not sure why she is being like this. I suggested to my husband possibly a smallish payment once they are sold - but he is saying absolutely no way.

Thoughts?

OP’s posts: |
ComtesseDeSpair Sat 24-Oct-20 19:54:59

Well; the reality is that you clearly know you will make money from the opportunity, or you wouldn’t be buying the property to develop in the first place - so I don’t think you can act indignant that she recognises you have a financial motive for the purchase.

That aside, she’s being unreasonable to keep pointing this out considering, as you say, you paid the price she wanted at the value it was valued at. You need to point this out to her, acknowledge that yes, you will ultimately make money from developing it, but that she also had the option of doing so and presumably doesn’t want to make the effort.

Loveable1 Sat 24-Oct-20 19:56:10

Sounds like you shouldn’t have mixed family and business together, maybe a new rule for the future.

notdawn Sat 24-Oct-20 19:58:59

Perhaps I am being harsh - but I don't think this is a case of mixing family and business. We aren't in business with her - when we brought the house it became ours.

OP’s posts: |
Thechase Sat 24-Oct-20 20:04:35

As a property developer surely you need to make money for the next investment?? Otherwise you would not have bought it. It is nothing to do with her, if it was a different owner you still would have bought at market value as you saw the potential

HeddaGarbled Sat 24-Oct-20 20:04:42

She’s not saying anything that isn’t true. Obviously, you don’t owe her anything over what you already paid, but I can understand her feeling a bit envious and resentful. I agree, your business has touched too close to family on this occasion.

Loveable1 Sat 24-Oct-20 20:06:21

Well it is mixing family and business together though isn’t it? You are not in business with your sister no, but your business has gained from your sister selling her house. You didn’t buy the house to live in you bought the house to redevelop and earn from. Your sister was already saying you were going to make money when the house was going through, that should have been a red flag to you and your husband and you all should have sat down to discuss before the paperwork went through.

I have my own business and we don’t mix the two together at all because of problems like this that can arise.

notdawn Sat 24-Oct-20 20:08:01

The thing is she is saying lots that isn't true. She thinks because we brought her house for x and because the apartments are selling for y then we are making z.

The figure she keeps floating about is probably double of what we will actually make in reality.

Part of me wants to put her right - but it really isn't her business.

OP’s posts: |
Generalblah Sat 24-Oct-20 20:12:11

I don’t think you did anything wrong? You paid what she wanted; she knew your intentions; she knows your business... she is wrong.

HeddaGarbled Sat 24-Oct-20 20:12:42

Also, were they selling because of the divorce? If so, it must be hard for her to see you profiting from the breakdown of her marriage.

FedUpAtHomeTroels Sat 24-Oct-20 20:12:48

She is being unreasonable she get full asking price.
Each time she says you'll be making x amount, not fair. Be striaght with her. Tell her, no actually with costs we won't make anywhere near that why do you keep going on about it?
She'll probably splutter or huff and then hopefully leave it alone.
She's being ridiculous.

Sparklesocks Sat 24-Oct-20 20:13:30

Like others it seems like mixing the two wasn’t ideal for your relationship. Technically you are right, they don’t live there any more so it’s not their business - but in reality they are family you have relationships with so it’s not the same as if they were strangers.

2littlefishes Sat 24-Oct-20 20:14:14

Sounds like the green eyed monster got to her.

She wanted to sell her house... And you and your husband bought it. If she wanted to develop property then she should have kept hold of it.

Don't give her any extra money. She chose to sell the house for the price you paid.

notdawn Sat 24-Oct-20 20:15:05

They are selling because of divorce - and I do understand that it must be hard. One of the houses we knocked down was the house two of my three kids were born in - and even though we haven't lived in it for 12 years it was a little emotional.

We overpaid by probably 6/7% and it was a hassle free purchase for her.

I get a little bitterness - but not to still be going on about it.

OP’s posts: |
LIZS Sat 24-Oct-20 20:16:09

Doesn't matter if her sums are wrong, you have profited from her situation. Maybe she was hoping to share the uplift or maybe she feels exploited. Regardless it is unlikely your relationship can be the same now.

user3642 Sat 24-Oct-20 20:16:14

OP I can see your point of view and do not disagree with it.

my daughter sold her place to her half brother and ime this situation goes on and on, the vendor was simply unable to let go of their resentment; it soured family relationships when they didnt get what they wanted.

stackemhigh Sat 24-Oct-20 20:17:11

YANBU, tell her she should have spoken up at the time if she has an issue, it’s too late now and that you’ve overpaid.

notdawn Sat 24-Oct-20 20:18:40

We nearly brought the house 3 years earlier - when her and the ex were going to move for his job. She was desperate to sell to us then and has always known our intentions. The job fell through - but I do feel she is overreacting. .

OP’s posts: |
DragonflyInn Sat 24-Oct-20 20:19:15

I feel for your sister. It’s a shame she couldn’t have had a stake in the venture so she could get a small share of the profits, but presumably they needed the full amount there and then to resolve the finances for the divorce. You’ve not technically done anything wrong - at the end of the day she is no worse off than had she sold on the open market. But you are profiting from it, and I can see that being difficult for her.

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble Sat 24-Oct-20 20:21:37

The idea of what you were going to do became a reality. Not just that, but due to her lack of knowledge she probably thinks you are making millions or whatever.

Turns out she can't cope with it. Tough titties tbh, you bought the house fair and square and if she had any issues with what you planned she shouldn't have sold to you or say something back then.

Unless she's actually pretty smart and angling for a share (which she always planned to do).

Newmumatlast Sat 24-Oct-20 20:22:40

I am really surprised anyone thinks yabu. She got the valuation price. Its unlikely she would've gotten more. Just because you're family doesn't mean you should give her anything extra just because you made money. I haven't gone to the randomer I bought my house from and offered them a lump sum because we made money on the house by doing it up and couldn't have without them selling us the house. Where would it stop? What else could you not have done without someone else?

lanthanum Sat 24-Oct-20 20:23:06

I would perhaps say something along the lines of "actually, by the time we factor in all the costs, the taxes, and the cost of our time, we actually won't see a huge return, and perhaps no more than if we'd waited and gone for a different development opportunity". Maybe give her a thank you present, but if she's after a cut of the profit then she might just take offence at that.
Or you could say that if she'd asked for a cut of the profits in the first place then factoring that in would have reduced your offer on their house.

Lordamighty Sat 24-Oct-20 20:25:01

You paid the full asking price, what you do with it afterwards is nothing to do with her. If the market had crashed & you were going to lose money on the development she wouldn’t be offering to chip in to cover your losses would she?
You & your DH took the risk & did the work any profit is yours.

frumpety Sat 24-Oct-20 20:25:03

You bought the property because you knew by doing so would mean you could develop the whole plot ? You will make a profit on the development , possibly not as much as your Sister imagines, but still enough to make it worth your while ? Your Sister needed to sell because she was getting divorced, so you have profited from that situation ?

notdawn Sat 24-Oct-20 20:25:37

She hasn't actually asked for a cut to be clear - but I can't think what else she wants as she keeps going on about it.

OP’s posts: |

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