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To just want to spend time just the 4 of us.

(22 Posts)
marmite79 Sat 24-Oct-20 06:17:50

Hubby has a week off work for half term. I’m not working currently. I’m really excited to spend time just the 4 of us. We live in a medium risk area and in the countryside so plenty to get up to safely and social distancing.

Mil and my mum want to see the kids. I understand this.

But neither have taken the virus seriously. I know we have to return to some kind of new normality but they both have so many social interactions outside of the workplace. Neither are following the rules. Mil always has someone in her house staying from other parts of the country. Two of her grown up children have recently been on holiday but not quarantined. My own mum had symptoms and shrugged it off with a bad cold and didn’t isolate as she didn’t want her hubby missing time off work.

Aibu to think sod seeing them? It’s up to them what they do of course. I can’t tell them what to do but for my own families safety I feel like I should stay away!

Neither are lonely and have a house full in their homes with their partners and grown up children.

We aren’t vulnerable but I want to minimise the risk of my family getting the virus. I don’t want my children getting it but I don’t want us getting it either. My son is disabled. I can’t bear the thought of getting seriously ill with covid.

Where we live has been no cases in the area or the school. But has been in the wider community.

I’ll be the bad guy for saying they can’t see the grandchildren! They have been seeing them at times but now the cases are rising and the weathers turning I feel so anxious about it all 😭


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JayDot500 Sat 24-Oct-20 06:32:32

I'm exactly the same with my own mum, she's hinted she wants to come, but she's always out and about partying weekends and usually visits my brother (who was pictured in a soft play center yesterday). MIL takes more precautions, doesn't go anywhere but can be a bit 'leave it to chance' so feels we shouldn't be as serious about it all (she doesn't live alone but they'll all being careful).

DH is ECV so we don't see my mum, but did have some contact with MIL (less so after DS started school but she still wants to see us so we felt we should visit at times but be very careful). We're in Tier 2 now so no household visits...

JayDot500 Sat 24-Oct-20 06:33:12


Hailtomyteeth Sat 24-Oct-20 06:45:57

It's a sad situation but you have to do what is best for you and your children.

I am the childcare-grandma in our family. I live alone but bubble Mon-Fri with dd, sil and dgd. At the weekend I deliver groceries to my elderly father, keeping more than six feet away, I don't go into his house. Apart from supermarket shopping (masked since March), I see no-one, go nowhere. I consider that part of the deal, essential to being as safe as possible. The other grandma doesn't take social distancing seriously, and so doesn't see the family. Both ways are hard.

LunaLula83 Sat 24-Oct-20 06:53:43

The issue here is that you want to spend the week as a family of 4 yet you go into great length about mil and family not taking quarantine seriously. These are 2 seperate issues.

ShirleyPhallus Sat 24-Oct-20 07:00:20


The issue here is that you want to spend the week as a family of 4 yet you go into great length about mil and family not taking quarantine seriously. These are 2 seperate issues.


TW2013 Sat 24-Oct-20 07:03:54

Can't you just say that you are happy to go for a walk with them, meet them half way if it is a distance, but that you don't want to mix indoors with them.

LolaSmiles Sat 24-Oct-20 07:09:36

The issue here is that you want to spend the week as a family of 4 yet you go into great length about mil and family not taking quarantine seriously.?*These are 2 seperate issues
You're right.
If OP wants the week as s family, just own it.

flaviaritt Sat 24-Oct-20 07:24:39

I’m with you, OP. If people aren’t taking the virus seriously and you are, you’re within your rights to relax and enjoy your week alone (which you would be anyway, but this gives you a fair reason).

Florencex Sat 24-Oct-20 07:24:52

Agree you are looking for an excuse. You don’t need one, if you want to spend time with your own family unit then do so.

I can’t see that your mother or MIL are doing anything wrong anyway, they are allowed to have people to stay, they can’t help what their adult children do and I am sure your mother knows when she has a cold. They are not threatening your family’s safety.

OverTheRainbow88 Sat 24-Oct-20 07:28:12

Tbf there’s probably less risk in what they are doing Than your kids being at school.

Don’t make excuses just say you want family time

AuntieStella Sat 24-Oct-20 07:34:36

If you want to be just the four you, then decline any invitations.

No need to bang on about covid status. Just say 'we have plans for this half term'

Oxyiz Sat 24-Oct-20 07:51:50

Can't they just join you in one of the places where its safe to meet up with social distancing?

fiftiesmum Sat 24-Oct-20 08:05:57

Even pre-covid there were probably times when you would have wanted to spend time just as the four of you with no issues from outside to watch the clock. How many of us are secretly pleased that they don't have to have various relatives to visit at Christmas or family members popping off to visit people and coming back saying they have already eaten a dinner.
Hopefully if we all follow rules this autumn then next year we can celebrate.

Fairyliz Sat 24-Oct-20 08:14:10

Realistically if you are not vulnerable and your children are at school you are more of a risk to them than they are to you.
But if you don’t want to see them just say so, no need to dress it up in ‘Covid risk’ .

Inkpaperstars Sat 24-Oct-20 08:24:06

I'd be seriously unimpressed with the people returning from areas that require them to quarantine but not doing so. I know of some people that did that, for no good reason but self indulgence. They were Covid positive, infected their own families and probably more, and caused others the hassle of isolating.

Sounds like your relatives just expect everyone else to do the hard work...they may not see it like that, but ultimately they would run into trouble fast if everyone behaved like them.

So while I think you don't need an excuse not to see them, I also think you should have a go about the quarantine.

Weirdwonders Sat 24-Oct-20 08:28:07

YABU. I’m sure you can find time in the whole week for your Mum and MIL to see their grandchildren safely if you’re in an area where it’s permitted. Would you be ok with being excluded as a GP one day? I don’t think ‘we have plans for the whole week just the 4 of us and they don’t include you’ really cuts it either.

ukgift2016 Sat 24-Oct-20 08:37:23

I think your being mean.

You should at least allow your husband mother to see her son and her grandkids for one day. You sound controlling.

RainingBatsAndFrogs Sat 24-Oct-20 08:45:08

My son is disabled. I can’t bear the thought of getting seriously ill with covid


Tell them you simply cannot risk either yourselves as carers getting ill or you son getting ill so due to their own social lives you are not able to see them. But your DH should be the one to tell his family, and not by saying “marmite says..”.

They are responsible fo their own choices, you don’t have to accommodate that.

timeforanewstart Sat 24-Oct-20 08:57:54

You know your brother allowed in a soft play centre ? With his kids that os allowed

nosswith Sat 24-Oct-20 09:05:42

You are not being unreasonable to say no for this week, even though it disappoints your DC's grandparents. At least until the time those who went on holiday have passed what would be the quarantine period.

marmite79 Sat 24-Oct-20 11:46:39

It’s a mix of both. Wanting family time and the virus. I am very anxious about the virus. I know they haven’t done anything wrong but there’s 2 grown up children who didn’t quarantine at mils only a couple weeks ago. They are also visiting other areas of the country to socialise.

My own mum was really poorly last week but didn’t bother to get the rest of the family to isolate because she’s too skint for her husband and children to lose money. One of the children got poorly and also didn’t isolate. It hasn’t even been 2 weeks since she was poorly!!

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