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To be upset about my husband using my car?

(192 Posts)
QueenofmyPrinces Fri 23-Oct-20 10:47:44

In August 2019 I very sadly lost my driving licence for medical reasons.

I had about 4 months left on my MOT whereas my husbands MOT was just about to expire so I told him he may as well use mine for the 4 months and then we would SORN it.

However, a year and 2 months later he is still using my car and I don’t like it.

His car has just sat on our drive that whole time, it obviously doesn’t start and will need work doing on it to pass the MOT - including new window screen and about two of his tyres are flat. There will be more work needed to.

I didn’t really use my car a lot, only to and fro work two days a week and the occasional short journey here and there but now it’s being used so much more because he uses it to go back and forth to work 5 days a week, he goes to sporting fixtures in it, goes to airports etc and he’s racking my mileage up so much - never mind the wear and tear on it.

He’s not exactly a gentle driver and I have had to have repairs to the suspension and brake pads since he’s had it.

He has never looked after the interior of his own car and now he’s doing exactly the same to mine. Food has been sat into the seats, sweets trod into the flooring, rubbish everywhere, empty cans and bottles under the seats, half empty crisp packets etc - it’s disgusting. I went in the car the other day and I nearly cried.

I have spoken to him many times about it and he says we are a one car family now and there’s no point in paying to sort his own out when he can just use mine.

My MOT is due to expire at the end of November so I have been telling him he needs to sort his car out as I’m going to SORN mine and store it in my mom’s garage.

He nods along and makes the appropriate noise but have heard that he’s told his friend that it will depend on how much it will cost to fix his own car as to whether he stops using mine or not.

He’s always making derogatory comments about my car.....it’s not big enough.....it’s not powerful enough etc and it just upsets me. If it’s such a shit car then why won’t he just drive his own!!!

I miss my car so much. It took me 9 years to get my driving licence because of my health and this car was my first nice car (previous ones have been pretty cheap second hands ones) and I just feel sad about it all.

I can’t tell if I’m being unreasonable about this?

Am I letting my emotions cloud the logic to what he is saying?

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Sunnydaysstillhere Fri 23-Oct-20 10:53:02

Sorry you lost your license... Is there the possibility you will get it back? Can your dm /friend take your car to storage? Sell it? Your dh doesn't sound very nice. But your car really won't mind being driven around!

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets Fri 23-Oct-20 10:53:15

YABU, sorry. What on earth is the point of keeping your car in a garage while paying to fix his up?

I lost my licence (bipolar) about five years ago so my husband sold his shitbox car for £200 and took over my shiny two year old Fiesta. I got my licence back a couple of years later when my illness was under control and bought myself a new car.

Are you likely to drive again?

MootingMirror Fri 23-Oct-20 10:54:27

I lost my driving licence back in 2016 for medical reasons and just got in back last week so I completely feel your pain! I'm so sorry and the DVLA SUCKKKK so good luck!!
I do think you're being a bit unreasonable and overreacting because it's not fair at all - but it's not his fault it's unfair. You are a one-driver family now and only need one car between you. It does make more sense to keep the one that's currently running and being used (from a financial and logistical perspective).
I understand he doesn't treat your car well and it's hard to tell whether you're being unreasonable. Is he actually damaging the car or were you very particular and protective? For example, I know someone who would absolutely lose it if their car got even slightly dirty and cleaned it multiple times each week. I know another who would drink coke cans in the car and throw them onto the back seat where the little bit at the end would seep out and it was sticky and smelly. It's not possible to tell from your OP where your feelings and his behaviour are on that scale.
I'm sorry you're going through this - and I also really understand. I had only driven my car once when we eventually gave it up last year and it was really hard letting go. He had a name and everything!
As ever, you'll get many responses on here saying that because he has a penis, he's wrong and abusing you. But, truthfully, I think you need to let this one go - and enjoy being chauffeured around a bit.

ExclamationPerfume Fri 23-Oct-20 10:56:33

It's no point having his fixed when yours is perfectly fine to use. You can't drive it currently so I don't see the issue. We have two cars and drive each others whenever we need to.

QueenofmyPrinces Fri 23-Oct-20 10:56:53

I was hopefully going to get it back 3 months ago but then sadly not - hopefully get it back in 9 months. I have told him though that if I can’t get it back then I will be selling my car.

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VinylDetective Fri 23-Oct-20 10:57:48

I think this is far more about you being upset about losing your hard win licence than the car. It’s entirely understandable that you’re upset, I completely get that but it would be ludicrous to SORN the only functional car in the household to spite him. Far better to get him to pay for repairs and agree to keep it clean and tidy.

BarbaraofSeville Fri 23-Oct-20 10:59:41

But aren't they both just 'family' cars? The cost of buying and running them comes out of the family pot, surely? If you're not expecting to drive in the short to medium term, you just need to sell one of the cars and keep one for use. Whichever is most appropriate for your needs and most reliable.

No point at all keeping a car sat in a garage (or on a driveway for that matter) when you don't know if/when you'll be in a position to need 2 cars again. It's just a lump of money sitting there getting smaller.

ZeroFuchsGiven Fri 23-Oct-20 10:59:45

QueenofmyPrinces

I was hopefully going to get it back 3 months ago but then sadly not - hopefully get it back in 9 months. I have told him though that if I can’t get it back then I will be selling my car.

This is ridiculous! Scrap his car and let him use yours, It makes no sense to put it in storage or sell it confused

Is there something else going on here, you sound like you really resent your DH.

DaddysGirlforlife Fri 23-Oct-20 11:00:11

You're married so whats yours is his & so forth...

QueenofmyPrinces Fri 23-Oct-20 11:00:16

I know another who would drink coke cans in the car and throw them onto the back seat where the little bit at the end would seep out and it was sticky and smelly.

This is my husband - except much worse.

I would keep it tidy and then hoover/polish it inside about once every 3-4 weeks. I would take it to the car wash about once a month too.

Is that OTT? I don’t know?

I think because it took me so long to be able to drive and then finally get a nice-ish car, it just meant a lot to me.

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QueenofmyPrinces Fri 23-Oct-20 11:01:42

This is ridiculous! Scrap his car and let him use yours, It makes no sense to put it in storage or sell it

I have said this to him - that if we are a one car family and he doesn’t want to pay out to get his car fixed then he should just sell it. But he won’t.

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ExemptFromMasksSupporter Fri 23-Oct-20 11:01:44

YANBU

I am sorry to hear about your health and losing your licence.

Your husband is using your car as a rubbish bin and driving it badly. I think you have a husband problem as much as anything. He shows no respect for your car or your feelings. He does nothing to change his behaviour when you tell him how upsetting you find it. Is he generally like this in your marriage?

I think you would be wise to keep your car in your mum’s garage if you are hoping that you might be able to drive again in the future.

Darkestseasonofall Fri 23-Oct-20 11:01:46

You're married, I can't understand this logic.
We have a car each but really just drive whichever suits our needs that day, my Mum Wagon or his sportier one.

ButtWormHole Fri 23-Oct-20 11:02:56

I’m confused by the ‘his car/my car’ stuff. You’re married right? Why on earth would you pay for all the repairs to his car when yours runs?

QueenofmyPrinces Fri 23-Oct-20 11:03:01

But aren't they both just 'family' cars? The cost of buying and running them comes out of the family pot, surely?

The cost of running the cars comes out the joint pot, but he bought his car and I bought mine.

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Elai1978 Fri 23-Oct-20 11:03:55

You’d be better off sticking his car on eBay as it is, very well described and it will go. Then he takes over all costs for your car until you get your license back and then decide what you’re going to do. Cars do need repairs though and especially things like brake pads which are of course just consumables, are you also annoyed he used all your washer fluid?

FatBottomedGurl Fri 23-Oct-20 11:05:01

You're married therefore the car belongs to both of you. I can see absolutely no logic in you expecting him to pay to fix his car whilst yours sits and does nothing. Why would you sell "your" car when he could just use it? It sounds like you have a great deal of resentment for your husband and a significant problem with sharing.

Honestly, I'm quite shocked at the silliness here - and on the AIBU board, that's hard to do.

QueenofmyPrinces Fri 23-Oct-20 11:08:52

Then I guess I’m being unreasonable.

I’m going to speak to him tonight and suggest we sell his car. Like as has been said, we are a one car family so there’s no point just having a car sitting there not being used.

I guess I’m just letting my emotions/upset get the better of me.

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Dugsbollox Fri 23-Oct-20 11:09:24

The issue I'd have with him isn't that he's using the car, as I'd think it a waste to leave a perfectly good car in storage when it could be used. But I'd be really irritated that he didn't respect me enough to take good care of one of my possessions. I don't think that's on.

QueenofmyPrinces Fri 23-Oct-20 11:11:47

But I'd be really irritated that he didn't respect me enough to take good care of one of my possessions. I don't think that's on.

Maybe that’s it. He doesn’t care how much of a state it gets in inside - and I hate it. I cleaned it all out myself a few weeks ago because I just couldn’t look at it anymore.

He knows how much my car means to me and he has no respect for it.

Maybe if he took care of it I wouldn’t mind him using it.

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ExclamationPerfume Fri 23-Oct-20 11:12:22

Get a small bin for the car he is more likely to put his rubbish in it if there is one there.

ZeroFuchsGiven Fri 23-Oct-20 11:12:29

I honestly can't understand relationships like this. You are married but things are split 'his' and 'yours'?

TheFairyCaravan Fri 23-Oct-20 11:13:34

How did you not know the car was a tip until the other day? Do you not go out as a family?

YABU though. We’ve got 2 cars. In theory one is mine and the other is DH’s. In practice their ours and ‘mine’ gets used all the time, mainly by DH. I give no shits.

QueenofmyPrinces Fri 23-Oct-20 11:14:43

I honestly can't understand relationships like this. You are married but things are split 'his' and 'yours'

Only big purchases that we have bought ourselves.

I paid for my car so yes, it is mine, and he paid for his car therefore it is his.

I would never think of his car as being mine because we are married.

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