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Because I asked my partner to take my son out of the house this morning

(61 Posts)
Giraffle Thu 22-Oct-20 11:39:25

I’m really frustrated with my partner today. His days at work changed this week. He normally has Wednesdays and sundays off and I have Wednesday Saturday and Sunday off. This week his day off changed to Thursday instead of Wednesday so we didn’t ask grandparents to look after our son during work hours as my partner was home to look after him.

At the moment, I work from home in our kitchen and my partner is allowed to go to work.

Our son is 15 months old, and loves walking, outdoors, animals etc

Anyway so the whole week I suggested this morning they could go and do something as it’s not an opportunity he’d normally have just him and our son. I suggested a walk, the park, aquarium and lots of other things to get them out of the house so I could get some work done. I explained to him I’d find it really distracting with both of them home trying to work and get things done with my son playing, shouting, tantrums, etc all the usual things.

Come to this morning and I asked my partner again to take our son out, he moaned it was raining and stayed home (they could have gone to the aquarium.) So I started work, thinking he would at least stop him from doing the really distracting things like banging toys onto our kitchen door windows, but he couldn’t even do that. He was too distracted by his phone. I then suggested again maybe to take him to the park or go on a puddle walk (it haha stopped raining). He said why should he have to go out on his day off when he just a wants to relax... this made me extremely frustrated. I told him he was being selfish. It’s one day I needed him to get out of the house just for the morning so I could get some work done as in the afternoon our son naps so it’s easy to do work then. I work 9:30 to 4:30 and I just though he could managed to get out the house from 9:30 to 12 but apparently I’m selfish for wanting quiet when I work. Yet on my days off, I always take our son out to get some fresh air.

He still has a day off on Sunday aswell so it wasn’t his only day off this week.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting quiet when I work? Or for asking him to get out the house and have some fun for 3 hours?

Feeling really frustrated right now.

OP’s posts: |
Chamomileteaplease Thu 22-Oct-20 11:42:47

It always amazes me that there seem to be so many fathers (usually) who seem surprised that their child actually needs looking after shock.

Your partner does indeed sound extremely selfish. He should have wanted to help you and wanted to naturally take his son out if he doesn't often have the opportunity.

A discussion tonight I think, to help this not happen again.

BigSandyBalls2015 Thu 22-Oct-20 11:48:58

Another one who doesn't believe that working from home is really work!

WooMaWang Thu 22-Oct-20 11:52:19

He needs to recognise that a day off work is not a day off from being a parent.

He’s got a 15 month old toddler. He can relax in several years’ time. 😂

Bringmewineandcake Thu 22-Oct-20 11:53:37

Did you both agree not to send your DS to grandparents? If so, he's being unreasonable to not take your DS out. If he wanted a day to himself he should have said and let the grandparents still help out.

ktp100 Thu 22-Oct-20 12:04:52

He needs a serious head wobble!

Aquamarine1029 Thu 22-Oct-20 12:08:04

Your partner can't be arsed with looking after his child on his own. He simply doesn't want to deal with it.

CommanderBurnham Thu 22-Oct-20 12:08:05

YANBU to expect to be given time to work. YABU to dictate how he looks after DS.

LadyCatStark Thu 22-Oct-20 12:12:45

Bringmewineandcake

Did you both agree not to send your DS to grandparents? If so, he's being unreasonable to not take your DS out. If he wanted a day to himself he should have said and let the grandparents still help out.

But why should the grandparents give up a full day to child care when there is a parent say at home on his phone??

Annasgirl Thu 22-Oct-20 12:16:03

Bringmewineandcake

Did you both agree not to send your DS to grandparents? If so, he's being unreasonable to not take your DS out. If he wanted a day to himself he should have said and let the grandparents still help out.

AS LadyCat said - why should grandparents watch a toddler when an adult male (much younger most likely) who is the child's FATHER was available to do it??????????????

Azerothi Thu 22-Oct-20 12:17:19

I would be more interested in why your boyfriend doesn't want to spend time with your/his son. This seems odd to me.

Couchbettato Thu 22-Oct-20 12:20:01

It makes me sad reading stuff like this because on my days off I'd love to do stuff like take my son to the aquarium. It would be a real privilege to have things like that close by. Sure I like relaxing on my days off but there's 24 hours in a day, and I'm sure some of those hours can be devoted to your child.

YANBU OP.

MJMG2015 Thu 22-Oct-20 12:20:24

Bringmewineandcake

Did you both agree not to send your DS to grandparents? If so, he's being unreasonable to not take your DS out. If he wanted a day to himself he should have said and let the grandparents still help out.

Why on earth should grandparents look after DGS because his Dad can't be arsed?

It's not a rare opportunity for them, it is for him n

If I was the OP, he'd be getting a lot more practice!

PatriciaPerch Thu 22-Oct-20 12:25:12

of course you aren't being unreasonable. I remember though when our eldest two were little, me and my husband worked split shifts. He would work mon-fri am and i would do fri pm and all weekend. The house would be much tidier on his days than on my days but the children used to seem to spend alot of time watching telly whilst he 'looked after them' hmm I'd have much rather he'd have played with them or took them out and the house be messier. Mind you he did once take them out on their bikes down a massive hill heading towards the sea which wasn't his greatest hour.

Biancadelrioisback Thu 22-Oct-20 12:26:02

A part of me can understand him though. It's his day off and the weather was miserable. I can completely understand why he wanted to stay home and chill. If it's his house as well, you can't really kick him out for a few hours against his will. I know you say you suggested loads of stuff for him, but if he didn't want to do any of that you have to accept and respect that.

However, if you're working from the kitchen table, I'm assuming this is a covid thing? So you don't really have any other choice where to work from so it's very unfair of your DH to let your son distract you. He should be trying to keep him occupied in a different room at least. If he wanted to chill out with his phone, he needs to find a suitable task that would keep DS occupied while he does that. If he can't, then he is being selfish.

dontdisturbmenow Thu 22-Oct-20 12:26:55

I said u reasonable because you should be telling him what to do. You could have gone upstairs to work and leaving them the downstairs room.

Yes it would great if he'd taken your child but he didn't want to and that's fine.

WB205020 Thu 22-Oct-20 12:26:58

Hang on, so is he actually looking after your son or are you having to look after him and work at the same time?

If you are locked away in a different room and he is looking after him then its up to him if he takes him out or not.

If however, you are having to try and work and look after your DS whilst he puts his feet up them that's another matter.

KarmaStar Thu 22-Oct-20 12:28:23

Yanbu op.He is plain lazy.

FizzyGreenWater Thu 22-Oct-20 12:32:02

You go out, because you can't work.

And you make sure you don't come home until very late - after all the feeding bedtime everything else time is long gone.

'Well I needed to catch up.'

flaviaritt Thu 22-Oct-20 12:34:56

Unless he has arranged childcare, he should be looking after his son. His wife is at work. Taking him out of the house on a nice sunny morning is a basic part of parenting a toddler.

Laiste Thu 22-Oct-20 12:38:40

Why are you in the kitchen?

I don't usually do this but there's been loads of threads from partners cross with men working from home in the middle of the house and them asking them to keep the kids quiet.

The consensus is usually 'if he wants quiet he needs to work upstairs'.

I wouldn't want to be chucked out for 2 and a half hours on my day off either.

ImMoana Thu 22-Oct-20 12:39:07

YANBU. Why does he not want to take his son out?

jimmyjammy001 Thu 22-Oct-20 12:43:47

You start by referring to your DS as "my son" but then it changes to "our son" is your partner your DS dad? If not then it would probably change what people would think.

Laiste Thu 22-Oct-20 12:44:14

''I'm sat in the kitchen working from home, it's my wife's day off and i've asked her to take our son out of the house for 2 and a half hours for a walk or whatever so i can work in peace.''

Would so many posters really be backing OP if it was this?

legalseagull Thu 22-Oct-20 12:47:12

He is BU not to look after his child but YABU to try to control what he does with his day (I would do that same though as DH lacks imagination!)

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