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Funeral- uninvited but have to pay

(240 Posts)
jenjen99 Tue 20-Oct-20 00:55:59

Hi All,
My husband died last month. We were separated, not divorced, and on good terms. Due to Covid it was a maximum of 15 guests. His father said I was not invited, 'it's family only'. Obviously doesn't understand definition of 'wife'. I didn't want to argue as it's a difficult time anyway and i can find my own way to say goodbye. However, as I'm the sole beneficiary of his estate I've just learnt that I'm liable for funeral costs, despite having no say in arrangements and not being invited. Does anyone know if this is legally correct?


OP’s posts: |
decoraters Tue 20-Oct-20 00:57:16

You are not liable for the cost, it comes from your husbands estate.

JuliaJohnston Tue 20-Oct-20 00:58:35

It'll be paid from the estate before it's distributed.

Anordinarymum Tue 20-Oct-20 00:59:00

Well someone had to order flowers, choose a coffin etc, so why did you have no say in it or am I missing something here

jenjen99 Tue 20-Oct-20 01:00:44

Edit: his estate was very small. I doubt it would cover a funeral. Maybe half

OP’s posts: |
Twistered Tue 20-Oct-20 01:01:19

You don't have to pay for the funeral. Costs will be taken from your ex husband's estate

jenjen99 Tue 20-Oct-20 01:02:38

I had no say because his Father arranged everything. He told me the date and told me I wasn't invited. He told the coroner we were divorced

OP’s posts: |
Sparticuscaticus Tue 20-Oct-20 01:03:03

I don't think this is the time to argue
If barely enough for a funeral in estate they can't so much. Strange how wife tho is relegated to less than -5 other people as officially you are NOK?

Sparticuscaticus Tue 20-Oct-20 01:03:21

Ah he lied to coroner

Floralnomad Tue 20-Oct-20 01:03:41

Are you absolutely certain you are the beneficiary of his will ? As pp said the funeral will be paid for out of his estate , as will any outstanding bills before any monies come to the recipient of the will .

Anotherthink Tue 20-Oct-20 01:03:57

I think you should ask the family to help with the costs if you cannot pay from the estate.

Overtherainbow2020 Tue 20-Oct-20 01:04:06

I think whoever has the contract with the funeral directors is liable. If you haven’t been involved in any of the arrangements, and haven’t signed anything to take responsibility financially, then I don’t see how his family can make you pay. Who the beneficiary is does not come with a legal obligation to cover funeral costs.
And I’m sorry you are going through this, it must be incredibly difficult. X

Sparticuscaticus Tue 20-Oct-20 01:04:34

It really doesn't seem something you will want to argue

Floralnomad Tue 20-Oct-20 01:05:21

X post , when is the funeral , can you not ring the coroner and the funeral director to find out what is going on .

Sparticuscaticus Tue 20-Oct-20 01:05:50

Good point overtherainbow

Sorry OP, very sad and grief gets more complicated with dynamics like
This . Important you get to say bye

Clareflairmare Tue 20-Oct-20 01:07:26

People above are being a literal. If you are the sole beneficiary and his estate pays for the funeral, obviously you get less inheritance.
Frankly though you not being invited is wrong full stop. You could ring the funeral director and explain that you are next of kin and father in law has made arrangements by deception. But depends on if that would actually be what you want. Lots of hurt and anger will be flying around.

katy1213 Tue 20-Oct-20 01:08:35

If you're not divorced, you're next of kin - and it's up to you whether you invite his father!
However, if the estate doesn't cover costs, the excess is down to whoever made the arrangements - nobody can chase you for anything you didn't put your name to.
But who is the executor? If he hasn't been named as such, his father seems to be taking a lot upon himself.

Anordinarymum Tue 20-Oct-20 01:09:32

OP Did you know your husband was going to die? If a loved one dies and you are the next of kin the coroner contacts you.

HibiscusNell Tue 20-Oct-20 01:14:24

This sounds a bit odd. Are you sure you have all the facts OP?

DianaT1969 Tue 20-Oct-20 01:14:26

From whom did you learn that you are liable for the funeral costs? Do you mean that his estate is liable? Are you asking who should pay the extra if the estate doesn't cover it? Well as you haven't placed any orders, it won't be you. A cheque can be made directly from the bank of the deceased to the funeral directors. Although you haven't been invited to the funeral, I don't think you should block the transfer of your ex-husband's funds to cover his funeral costs. Apart from that, you can stay out of it.

eaglejulesk Tue 20-Oct-20 01:18:58

Normally the funeral is paid from the estate's funds. In this case, if there aren't enough funds then surely whoever organised the funeral pays the remaining costs. If you had nothing to do with it I can't see how it is your responsibility.

cobpickles Tue 20-Oct-20 01:29:04

What makes you think you’re liable?

NeonGenesis Tue 20-Oct-20 01:29:46

You don't have to pay for things that someone else has booked.

I would just transfer whatever little is in his estate over to the funeral directors and then stay out of it.

It's shitty of the father to lie and exclude you from the funeral, but unless you particularly want to go, I would just leave it. Funerals seem to bring out the worst in some people.

Sparticuscaticus Tue 20-Oct-20 02:01:45

He died last month - sounds like funeral
Already happened

Even In Tier 3 in England you're allowed at Funeral and England at least was at of tier 2

Nope you don't pay funeral it would have been paid already from estate. Whoever booked funeral paid for if out of estate already or they paid. Nothing to do with you as you made no arrangements nor were involved

You need to find out his will- do you have copy? As still married you are nok snd can contact probate offices for copy of will. Probate rules are 100% spouse up to set amount them shared out to others

This really is one time I'd get but if advice from a solicitor if is worrying you

Sparticuscaticus Tue 20-Oct-20 02:02:36

Even in their 3 you're allowed 30 at funeral not 15 , in England

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