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DH gone to friend's house

(37 Posts)
EatPrayYoga Sat 17-Oct-20 23:20:45

DH mentioned yesterday he might meet friend who lives nearby with another mutual friend of theirs who would be going to see other freeing. He suggested a walk and I thought that would be acceptable.

Today he said he's going to friend's house and other friend is coming over. I said I'm not happy as he has been to work and seen his parents, which I wouldn't stop him from doing as he wanted to check on them, but I haven't been anywhere for weeks except the supermarket and haven't seen parents for ages despite it being DF's birthday last week.

He assured me they would be outside but even then I knew they'd be drinking and it's not as if they would be careful about social distancing.

He asked if I'd pick him up and I said I would but he's now not answering the phone which means he is going to end up staying the night, which he sometimes does if too drink to drive home, but I'm uncomfortable with him being there full stop. And obviously he be in the house, using bathroom etc if staying over.

AIBU to think he is being a bit irresponsible and selfish?

OP’s posts: |
EatPrayYoga Sat 17-Oct-20 23:21:59

I have considered just going to pick him up on the basis I am going to bed soon but that might seem a bit bunny boiler so I will probably just leave him and then tell him I am isolating from him for 7 days.

I am not sure why friend's wife doesn't care.

OP’s posts: |
Yesmate Sat 17-Oct-20 23:22:21

Are you shielding or vulnerable? If not then I think you are being unreasonable.

WombatStewForTea Sat 17-Oct-20 23:24:31

Where do you live? If it's in tier 1 he's doing nothing wrong

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney Sat 17-Oct-20 23:25:50

Not unreasonable in tier 2 or tier 3

Alexandernevermind Sat 17-Oct-20 23:26:16

He has gone from work, mixing with one group of people, then to his parents, then to a friends? He sounds irresponsible.

saraclara Sat 17-Oct-20 23:27:14

I haven't been anywhere for weeks except the supermarket and haven't seen parents for ages despite it being DF's birthday last week

That was your choice. If DH isn't breaking any of rules for your area, he's doing nothing wrong.

QueenofLean Sat 17-Oct-20 23:27:38

Are you in an area where that isn’t permitted?

GlummyMcGlummerson Sat 17-Oct-20 23:29:30

You sound controlling TBH. I can't believe he has to ask you if he could see a friend and your reaction is that you're "not happy"

DisgruntledPelican Sat 17-Oct-20 23:29:34

It’s. It ideal but you seem way too anxious about this really. Decide if you are definitely going to pick him up if/when he gets in touch with you - although tbh the rudeness of that (if refusing to answer his phone or not asking you politely for a lift) would put me off more than breaching the covid rules

WidowTwonky Sat 17-Oct-20 23:29:34

YANBU if you’re in high or very high area

funnylittlefloozie Sat 17-Oct-20 23:29:48

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. If you've refused to leave the house for weeks, he may be desperate to go out and get some company. If you're really worried, tell him when he gets home, he has to strip off in the porch and have a shower before he comes near you.

EatPrayYoga Sat 17-Oct-20 23:32:11

We are in an area where meeting inside is not allowed.

I'm not on high rush group but parents are and I'd like to see them but dare not when I feel DH is our mixing with various households (2 others tonight)

He didn't ask me if he could go and I didn't tell him not to so not sure how I'm controlling but I am anxious about it all.

OP’s posts: |
EatPrayYoga Sat 17-Oct-20 23:35:18

We are in tier 2 so it seems mixing in another household is not allowed. I would have visited my DF on his birthday (and would have been v careful about distancing) but feel less comfortable doing so when DH is mixing.

When I say I haven't left the house I mean I haven't been to work or anyone's house or a restaurant or pub (except one in July). In a week he has seen his parents, been to the office, visited a colleague at home and now he has gone to see friend with another friend there.

If you think I'm being unreasonable that actually makes me feel less anxious.

OP’s posts: |
Feelingconfused2020 Sat 17-Oct-20 23:38:14

If you are in a place where you shouldn't meet inside then you should have told us that In tour OP as we are not all.in the same boat.

That aside I think yanbu if it's against the rules. I would put him in the spare room and see your parents.

Feelingconfused2020 Sat 17-Oct-20 23:40:11

Sorry I've just seen he is staying over. This is totally not on. I would be furious.

The people saying you are controlling don't realise you are in an area where this is not allowed, you needed to make it clearer in your op.

EatPrayYoga Sat 17-Oct-20 23:40:55

Yes sorry I should have said we are in

OP’s posts: |
EatPrayYoga Sat 17-Oct-20 23:41:21

tier 2

(Posted too soon)

OP’s posts: |
crankysaurus Sat 17-Oct-20 23:46:14

How easily can you isolate from him within your home? That sounds inconsiderate of him is you're wanting to see your parents, his mingling will put them at greater risk.

wishing3 Sat 17-Oct-20 23:47:15

Yanbu
And it’s totally fair that someone should ask you-what he does impacts on you, so he’s not just making the choice for himself.

EatPrayYoga Sat 17-Oct-20 23:49:53

It seems my DH is one of the inconsiderate arses who thinks the rules don't apply to them

OP’s posts: |
EatPrayYoga Sat 17-Oct-20 23:50:50

It's hard to isolate. I can kick him out of the bedroom for a week and we work in different rooms but I would have to be careful about touching anything he has touched

I will just not see my parents for at least another week

OP’s posts: |
EatPrayYoga Sat 17-Oct-20 23:52:25

TBH I'm not sure I should see my parents at all but this makes it more annoying DH has mixed four other households plus work this week (we are WFH but he went in to get something)

Anyway I can't do anything about it now so no point getting worked up before bed. It's ten to 12 and I haven't heard from him so looks like he's staying the night!

OP’s posts: |
EatPrayYoga Sun 18-Oct-20 00:04:23

He is home. He must have walked. He could have told me

OP’s posts: |
Quaagars Sun 18-Oct-20 00:20:01

EatPrayYoga

We are in an area where meeting inside is not allowed.

I'm not on high rush group but parents are and I'd like to see them but dare not when I feel DH is our mixing with various households (2 others tonight)

He didn't ask me if he could go and I didn't tell him not to so not sure how I'm controlling but I am anxious about it all.

Was just about to ask before voting what the tier guidelines are where you are, but you've just answered here.
So I vote YANBU.
I'd be mightily fucked off, we've just gone back into can't meet indoors here unless with someone in support bubble.
Especially with your parents being vulnerable he's being an arse.
.

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