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My husband expects me to be glued to his children and it's driving me insane

(310 Posts)
YatEe Sat 17-Oct-20 22:19:03

Nothing I do is fucking good enough.

He's accused me tonight of having an issue with the children and avoiding them because I caught up with a programme in another room whilst they were happily settled in the living room with headphones on, playing games this morning.

The funniest part about this is.... HE WAS OUT. I was looking after them so he could go out and do something.

Apparently I should have watched my programme on my tablet in the same room so we were 'spending time together' (whilst he was out...not spending time with us) hmm

I've told him how rich that is considering he wasn't even here himself and that I don't see what the problem is.

I was in and out of the room, tidying up, asking if they needed anything, what were they watching etc...

They aren't tiny children for goodness sake (9 & 11), surely it's not a big deal that we spent an hour in separate rooms for the morning.

I'm so pissed off. Apparently I used to make more effort with things like painting with them, baking etc... I agree we did used to do more stuff, but that was when they were much smaller, they just aren't as interested in those things anymore. All they want to do is play games and he lets them. But I'm apparently supposed to make more effort?

He does this all the time. If I want to go somewhere on a contact day it's 'dont you want to see the children' etc... I feel fucking suffocated by it.

OP’s posts: |
YatEe Sat 17-Oct-20 22:20:17

He said 'how would you feel if it was our kid and I sat in another room to watch TV'.

I said I honestly wouldn't care if they were settled doing something like a game or a kids film and you caught up with another programme in the next room for an hour confused surely we don't all have to sit in the same room all day?

OP’s posts: |
Anordinarymum Sat 17-Oct-20 22:20:40

Are the children yours as well OP

Shahlalala Sat 17-Oct-20 22:20:43

Have you called him out on the double standards?

YatEe Sat 17-Oct-20 22:21:48


Are the children yours as well OP

No they are my step children.

OP’s posts: |
jay55 Sat 17-Oct-20 22:22:08

Tell him your babysitting service is over. He's not your boss.

Anordinarymum Sat 17-Oct-20 22:22:21

Sorry I misread. The children are his. Why are you being beaten with them ?

stanski Sat 17-Oct-20 22:22:47

You're not a babysitter!! That would irk me so much. Double standards

YatEe Sat 17-Oct-20 22:23:09

By the way, they live here 50:50 so it's not an EOW arrangement where they are barely here. We see each other all the time so I don't see why every second has to be spent in the same room.

OP’s posts: |
AibuTellMe Sat 17-Oct-20 22:23:24

Go out when he has them, contact day is for him not you. Unless you are his nanny and get paid to look after them.

TheCraicDealer Sat 17-Oct-20 22:23:25

If he starts up again I'd just say, "I don't want to discuss this any further, but I'll rememeber your attitude to my doing you a favour with the kids when you next ask for my help".

VeniceQueen2004 Sat 17-Oct-20 22:24:10

Sounds lik you are very incompatible. FFS don't have a kid with him and for his kids' sake move on from the relationship.

SleepingStandingUp Sat 17-Oct-20 22:24:14

He is Def being a hypocritical and unreasonable dick.

How often do the kids come to yours? How often does he leave and expect you to babysit?

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously Sat 17-Oct-20 22:24:20

You need to stop minding his kids - they belong to him and if he's going to take that attitude, he ought to be with them for every moment of his contact time. Not palming them off onto you, so he can do something else.
I can't see this marriage going the distance if he is too thick to comprehend that it isn't okay for him to go out and then moan at you because you were in another room.

Lindy2 Sat 17-Oct-20 22:24:51

A 9 and 11 year old don't need you to be in the same room as them.

Go out yourself tomorrow morning so that he can spend some proper time with his children, if he thinks that's what they need.

YatEe Sat 17-Oct-20 22:25:49


Have you called him out on the double standards?

Yes I said so he gets to swan off and I'm the one who has to sit in a room watching them with headsets on playing games so that we can 'spend time together'... hmm

How can he accuse someone of not spending time when he wasn't even in the fucking house. Cheeky bastard.

I am so annoyed because I do so much for those children. I take them to fucking school all the time, look after them after school until he gets home etc...

But because I don't want to spend my Saturday morning watching fucking Fortnite, I'm the bad guy?

OP’s posts: |
ALbigbump Sat 17-Oct-20 22:26:02

Yanbu, the kids sound like they were happy, he is bvu

Ohtherewearethen Sat 17-Oct-20 22:26:12

He's got you right where he wants you, hasn't he? Turn it back on him. Next time he wants to go out when his children are there, ask him why he would rather do that than spend time with his children. Refuse to babysit again as he's made it so clear that spending time together is so important so he needs to relish every opportunity to spend time with his kids. Use his own words back at him. Then go off and do your own thing. The cheek of him is astounding. I couldn't put up with that. He's telling you what you should be doing with his kids when he is not even there? Nopes.

Savemyusername01 Sat 17-Oct-20 22:26:43

Where was he then?

seayork2020 Sat 17-Oct-20 22:26:55

Tell him you are not a nanny

Itisbetter Sat 17-Oct-20 22:27:00

It’s fine not to be in the same room with them for an hour.

emilybrontescorsett Sat 17-Oct-20 22:27:30

I agree with Thecraicdealer .

Anydreamwilldo12 Sat 17-Oct-20 22:27:30

Jesus christ this is so screwed up. He expects you to entertain his kids while he swans off out and bollocks you when you don't. He's one cheeky bastard.

OhCaptain Sat 17-Oct-20 22:27:32

The fucking cheek of him!

YatEe Sat 17-Oct-20 22:27:49


Yanbu, the kids sound like they were happy, he is bvu

They were fine!

One was playing a game with headphones on and the other was watching a film on the TV.

OP’s posts: |

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