Left to eat dinner on my own

[llamalana]

DH’s birthday Wednesday. Not a BIG birthday. He took the day off. Currently WFH and 3 children on school holidays currently (not in the UK) so he thought it would be a good chance to do some of the activities I usually get to do with them in school hols as I am a SAHM.

In the morning I got up with the children leaving him to sleep in as long as I could. Helped make a special breakfast whilst the kids laid the table and put all the presents and cards out. Children are 11, 8 and 5 years old so presents purchased and organised mostly by me. After breakfast, leisurely opening of presents and quality time with children. DH took a phone call from his Dad who is in the UK. We are doing some home renovating at the moment so once they were all organised to go and do an activity that had been organised, I got on with painting and let him have the quality time he was after. In the afternoon big board game with the two eldest and DH. I took youngest out for a bike ride to give them some peace to get on. Got back, jumped straight into cake baking.

Then after that eldest daughter suggested we eat in town at a big new mall that has opened that has lots of different food outlets serving delicious restaurant quality food: Greek, Italian, Hawaiian, Sushi, Chinese, Vietnamese etc. I saved us a table as they are sometimes hard to come by for a family and the others organised their food and came back and then I went and ordered mine. I waited for a long time and in the interim a new mall attendant came and advised mall would be starting to close in 15 min. I went to check on my food. Told by shop keeper there that it was almost ready and not to worry as the attendant was new and we wouldn’t be chased away.

Got back to our table and my family had finished eating and packed up. (My food was not suitable for a takeaway type thing). Then DH stood up and said did I mind if they all went off and got icecreams from another part of the mall? I was shocked. I had only just sat down and not started eating and it seems was to be eating on my own despite it being a celebratory birthday dinner. So with bad grace I said, off you go then – I was pretty shocked. Ate my food by myself feeling very lonely and slightly embarrassed. Then once I finished, they all arrived back with icecreams and had not got anything for me. So I sat for about 5 minutes watching them all talking about how nice their icecreams were, swapping cones to taste test eachothers and talking about the fancy cones etc. In the end I was so fed up, I asked for the keys and went to wait in the car.

My DH has said I made it all about me and poisoned the night and his birthday. He has gone on to say the cake was an afterthought and a joke. (My two eldest decorated the cake so agreed it was a bit sloppy but cute.)

AIBU to expect that if you go out for a celebratory meal together, you eat together including waiting for the last person to finish eating before you ditch? And AIBU to have hoped that DH might have thought of me and got me an icecream?

[Pukkatea]

Not getting you an ice cream is thoughtless, but it sounds like their food was ready and yours wasn't? It would get cold if they waited for you, I feel like when you eat at that sort of place you dig in when yours comes. They probably then rushed off for ice cream because it was going to close if they waited?

[LaurieFairyCake]

They didn't behave well by not buying you an ice cream - when they were offering each other licks didn't you join in?

But being lonely and embarrassed to eat alone is a bit much

[Purplewithred]

I think you are overreacting a bit. It was mildly rude but not shocking, and you could have pulled them up about the ice cream when they got back and sent them to get you one. I’d be a bit miffed but not shocked.

[inappropriateraspberry]

Could you not have asked them to order your food at the same time?
Pretty off bit to not get you an ice cream and he was rude re the cake.
TBH, I would enjoy eating on my own. I very rarely get to!!

[KarmaStar]

I'm sorry op but you sound like a bit of a martyr.
You're allowing this to happen!you must change your out look and try to drop whatever is causing you to behave this way.I'm sure you're a nice person,but you are entitled to put yourself first and not feel guilty about it.instead of expecting your dh to know what you want or when you are hurt,tell him,and don't apologise first!
I think you will be a lot happier.

[islockdownoveryet]

I think you should be annoyed at the restaurant not your dh as it's their fault the food was delayed , he asked do you mind you said no . There is nothing more annoying than waiting for someone to finish eating but not your fault.
But I agree coming back with ice creams but none for you then you leaving because they hadn't finished would annoy me too .

[GoldfishParade]

WTF?

I dont understand the comments on here. I would be very hurt.

It was thoughtless of them after tou had done a lot for your DP that day. Yes genuinely I would prefer to eat my food cold than let my DP eat alone. They could have bought you an ice cream and didnt. I'm sorry OP it sounds like a slap in the face, I'm with you on this one. Very thoughtless. Does your DP have form for this?

[Lindy2]

If the Mall was going to close in 15 minutes did they need to hurry to get the ice creams? If it was closing I'm guessing they didn't have time to sit with you and then get the ice cream afterwards.

They should have got you an ice cream or at least asked if you wanted one. The main problem though was that your food arrived after they had all finished eating.

[Derbee]

Going off to get ice creams, as everything was about to close is fine IMO. Not getting you an ice cream is shitty though

[GoldfishParade]

I just think it was selfish to fuck off for ice cream like that. They should have sat with you whilst you are, and then either you all could have found somewhere different for ice cream all together, or you could have all skipped the ice cream and just gone home for the cake you made earlier. It's just selfish.

[GoldfishParade]

Whilst you ate. Fucking autocorrect

[HilaryBriss]

It doesn't sound like a celebration meal to me though, if one of you had to save the table whilst others got their food. It sounds like a bite to eat in the local shopping centre food court.

Couldn't you have saved the table and DH get your food at the same time as his own?

Was a bit mean not to get you an ice cream though.

[AramintaLee]

When they asked if you minded, that would have been the moment I would have been like "well actually I do mind because I don't want to be sat here eating alone... but if you HAVE to go then can you also grab me an ice cream too?"

Appreciate that you shouldn't have to remind people to have manners, but unfortunately sometimes you do!

[mrsm43s]

If you were eating in a fancy restaurant, you might have a point, but it seems that you all made individual orders at different times from different stalls at a food court and were therefore eating different things at different times, rather than being a celebratory meal together.

When they went off to get ice-creams, did you ask them to get you one? Tell them what flavour you wanted?

You do sound a bit like you are making this all about you. Do you often go off in a huff and sulk in the car when things don't go your way?

[Iris27]

I think you overreacted. They went to get ice cream while you were eating a they'd finished. This wouldn't bother me a bit. I'd rather that than them all waiting/ looking at me while I ate

And surely if they got you one it would've melted while you were eating? And then you went off and sat in the car! It's just ice cream!! I can see why your OH got annoyed.

There was no need for the cake comments though.

[Frappuccinofan]

I think you’re overreacting tbh.

The crux of the matter is that you all visited the food hall too late and then only your meal was delayed. If they sat with you whilst you ate your food (presumably they had already received and finished their dishes) everywhere would have shut and no one would have been able to get ice cream? It does sound like a special trip so I wouldn’t begrudge them popping off to visit the ice cream counter before it closed as to not miss out. In fact, it seems like a logical thing to do under the circumstances?

They could have ordered you something, but equally you could have told them what to get you or asked to try theirs too? I think to a certain extent you left yourself out and had a pity party

[OrigamiOwl]

I would be upset at this.

[Frappuccinofan]

Also what’s so embarrassing about eating food solo? Most adults with a job or those who travel frequently (ie people who may not have schedules that match their family/friends) have eaten a meal alone before - what’s the point of missing out? Your embarrassment was self imposed

[SandyY2K]

@HilaryBriss

if one of you had to save the table whilst others got their food. It sounds like a bite to eat in the local shopping centre food court

I totally agree with this and was about to say the same thing.

This was a casual food court type meal that happened to be on his birthday.

If they got you an ice cream it might have melted as you were still eating.

The going to sit in the car is really childish, most especially as the kids were there.

[llamalana]

@mrsm43s

If you were eating in a fancy restaurant, you might have a point, but it seems that you all made individual orders at different times from different stalls at a food court and were therefore eating different things at different times, rather than being a celebratory meal together.

When they went off to get ice-creams, did you ask them to get you one? Tell them what flavour you wanted?

You do sound a bit like you are making this all about you. Do you often go off in a huff and sulk in the car when things don't go your way?

Nope. First time but was pretty floored by the fuss about how amazing the icecreams tasted!
On Monday, me and kids stopped at a bakery on our way home from outing and got us all, including DH something nice as a treat despite him not being with us.
Just how I roll and the manners I have been raised with. But thanks for your opinion - all good to hear!

[llamalana]

@Frappuccinofan

Also what’s so embarrassing about eating food solo? Most adults with a job or those who travel frequently (ie people who may not have schedules that match their family/friends) have eaten a meal alone before - what’s the point of missing out? Your embarrassment was self imposed

I do and have eaten solo and relish it.
I think I perhaps my idea of it being a birthday celebration meal has clouded my expectations. Good note to self.
I do have form for making a huge fuss of mine and other's birthdays! Love them!

[CoronaBollox]

I go out to eat with my family... to eat with my family. So I would be miffed to end up on my own whilst they've moved on. That sounds more circumstantial though (food being late etc) but I think they should have waited for you. Posters will tell you why would they wait and watch you eat bla bla but it wouldnt cross my mind to leave the table. I would probably make a comment about the rubbish timing and explain the food was getting cold and you were away.


The not getting ice cream is a bit mean to, the comment about the cake is him trying to justify that. I wouldnt create a big fuss over it but your feelings are valid.

[llamalana]

@HilaryBriss

It doesn't sound like a celebration meal to me though, if one of you had to save the table whilst others got their food. It sounds like a bite to eat in the local shopping centre food court.

Couldn't you have saved the table and DH get your food at the same time as his own?

Was a bit mean not to get you an ice cream though.

Yes I think this is where I have gotten my expectations muddled as we usually have a meal in a restaurant or cook the person's favourite meal at home. So it's a celebration meal and we make a fuss and eat together.
So my expectations were perhaps out of sync with the reality of it being in a mall albeit with some really nice food options.
DH got food from a different place than where I headed. Anyhoo...live and learn.

[GoldfishParade]

Dont let people on here make you feel like you overreacted. Your DH behaved like a twat. You made the day great for him and he was a selfish prick. You dont need to reflect on your attitude

[llamalana]

@CoronaBollox

I go out to eat with my family... to eat with my family. So I would be miffed to end up on my own whilst they've moved on. That sounds more circumstantial though (food being late etc) but I think they should have waited for you. Posters will tell you why would they wait and watch you eat bla bla but it wouldnt cross my mind to leave the table. I would probably make a comment about the rubbish timing and explain the food was getting cold and you were away.

The not getting ice cream is a bit mean to, the comment about the cake is him trying to justify that. I wouldnt create a big fuss over it but your feelings are valid.

Thank you CoronaBollox.
That's how I roll too. Will join the kids at afternoon tea after school with a cuppa just to chat and hang out.
Was raised eating at table and hanging out and clearing up together...not bolting the minute I was finished.
Yes...the cake comments have been hurtful. Unfortunately my eldest who mostly did the decorating heard them too so also feels like he didn't appreciate her first efforts at cake decorating.