My husband was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. Like many he grew out of some of the more well-known ADHD traits but now as an adult in his early thirties he still exhibits strong ADHD characteristics such as being extremely bright, a tendency to obsess over specific hobbies or subjects of interest, impulsiveness, an inability to focus or feign curiosity in anything that he doesn't consider interesting. If I ask a relative what they've been up to and they start talking about a hobby of their own which bores DH for example, he will simply walk away from the conversation without realising how rude he is being.
DH is a quick-thinker, charismatic, confident and has excelled in his vocation, albeit he achieved quite average grades throughout school and university. He has a close-knit group of friends many of whom either share some of his characteristics or, at the very least, share the same hobby. He can talk for hours with these friends and is animated, interested and complimentary.
I, on the other hand, am your textbook under-confident over-achiever in the sense that it was ingrained in me to work hard and as a result I have an excellent academic history despite probably being of probably quite average intelligence. I'm business-minded, emotionally intelligent and have a strong aptitude for problem-solving.....but I cannot recite Homer's Odyssey backwards or code a computer.
What bothers me is that I feel DH has written me off as unexceptional and, therefore, unworthy.
Any effort made to learn a new skill such as an instrument or a language is met with scepticism and disinterest. I managed to learn an instrument to exam-level in a matter of months but despite hearing me practice daily I don't think I ever heard DH say "that sounded really good". The one thing I remember is telling him I wanted to one-day learn a piece of music by X-musician and him replying that I would never be able to play to a high enough standard.
I also participate in a very challenging sporting activity and feel demeaned and disrespected when something the equivalent of running a marathon is referred to as my "little walk".
He expresses no interest in my hobbies or passions and dismisses my job as a menial glorified-admin role.
I suppose I just feel that I'm never "special" enough to be worthy of his respect.
On the flip side he can be extremely loving, affectionate, kind and considerate. I don't doubt that he loves me and he has a number of very attractive qualities.
Do I have unrealistic expectations? Is it childish of me to want my DH to occasionally give me a big smile and a "that was brilliant" or acknowledge my successes on the rare occasion when I can do something better than he can?
How much of this just goes hand-in-hand with his ADHD diagnosis in which case surely I should just accept that I can't change anything?
I don't need to be petted on the head like a puppy. I'd just like my DH to admire me for my capabilities for once.
AIBU?
ADHD husband has classed me as "unexceptional"
Garfield4321 · 01/10/2020 21:05
I have adhd. And if I treated my partner that way, I’d deserve to be left. He’s just being a nob, op 
My adult son has severe ADHD and we have daily struggles trying to help him manage the associated symptoms. But he’d never treat someone he loved like this, OP. Your problem isn’t his diagnosis, it’s the fact he’s a self-absorbed dickhead. Sorry
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